to be heard

sometimes, a person just wants to be heard. i want to be heard. i don't need a compassionate ear, or even an ear, really.

today was a ROTTEN DAY!! i know, the bible says that this is the day that the Lord has made, and that we should rejoice and be glad it in. well, i can tell you that i've had better. there was definitely no rejoicing today--just surviving.

my little one has had an ear infection; ear infections have plagued her since she was a baby. she probably gets about 4 a year. i was at the night clinic on tuesday night. i didn't get any sleep on tuesday or wednesday night. but, that is the good news. like the fool that i am, i have been over-extending myself volunteering at the school. on wednesday, i went to help with some fundraiser stuff. well, i should have been cleaning my house, but no, i should sacrifice myself and my family at the altar of pta, shouldn't i? to make an awful story short, after running to h.e.b at 10:00 p.m. to buy juice for the teacher's breakfast, I tried to "clean" what i could. then, my little one started crying because of the pain in her ear. so, i didn't get to check my girls' homework last night. this morning i checked it, but one of my oldest daughter's paper must have slipped off the table and landed on the chair (unbeknownst to me). needless to say, she got a conduct point taken off her folder, and made to stay in detention "so she could learn her lesson." I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK!!! she had put it in her folder, i took it out!!! i felt SO bad for her. when i apologized to her she told me that it was her fault, and that she should have made sure.

dear reader, my heart is broken. i have wept bitter tears because i saw how hard she worked to finish her homework last night. life is not only unfair, it is cruel. i made the mistake, and i hope that i am smart enough to learn from it. no longer will i put pta or volunteer work ahead of my family--they are too precious to me.

dos caminos

Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.



Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.




And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.



I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.





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i'm at the two roads ...and i'm wondering which one to take.


do i major in english or history? i love both. but i cannot say that i love them equally. i think i love history more. judging from the books on my nightstand, history is the one. i have "American Sphinx," "John Adams," (which i have already read from cover to cover!) and i think one Charlotte Bronte book that my sister gave me for my birthday.


i find my revolutionary europe class fascinating, and i would love to take all of the history classes offered at u.t.p.a. what to do? how long can i prolong or delay this decision? should i double major? if i do, i am really only delaying the decision. i would love to go to graduate school. i see myself (dare i write it?) pursuing a master's degree, but then it would definitely be in history. thesis? perhaps, but it would definitely have to be on a topic in history.



i hate to have to make decisions.