My 2008 Resolutions Revisited

My 2008 Resolutions Revisited:

1. try to enjoy my classes! i did so-so in this category. i enjoyed most of them.

2. do not procrastinate! use my planner to stay organized* of course, this didn't pan out!! :)

3. i will be ecstatic if i receive a B in math. i got an "A" with the help of a tutor and an exorbitant amount of money!!

4. begin applying for scholarships for the fall semester. see number two on my list (the P in my name stands for Procrastinator!! ;)

other resolutions i have are as follows:

1. finish reading "Founding Brothers" by Joseph Ellis this month. (i've been reading it since this summer!) another resolution i didn't keep.

2. after i finish the aforementioned, i would like to read a book on Thomas Jefferson. that way ican work on my other lofty goal of reading a book on every president; TJ is next on my list. let's see that would leave me only forty more presidents to go, easy as pie, remember?
o.k., i did read some, but not all of this book. i'll just tack it on to this year's resolutions.

3. i have read two out of the ten plays in the book, "Ten Greek Plays in ContemporaryTranslations." i have read "Agamemnon" and "Oedipus Rex." i would like to read theremaining eight plays this year. yet another aborted resolution.



But, here is something that i did learn this year: Poetry speaks to the heart.


i didn't realize how the poetry i read this semester would affect me so profoundly.

One poem that I can't get out of my thoughts is Ulysses by Tennyson. I keep thinking of the line that says that every experience is an arch... I love that line. (i am going to have to revisit this post because there are too many things i want to write about this poem, but i have to stop here tonight.)

Ulysses
by Lord Alfred Tennyson

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers;
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,--
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfill
This labor, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.


There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail;
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me,--
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads,-- you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honor and his toil.
Death closes all; but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks;
The long day wanes; the slow moon climbs; the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends.
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

she hasn't sung yet!!

the old saying goes, "it ain't over till the fat lady sings..."

well my semester "ain't" over yet, even though i have already quit! can you believe it? i have given up on myself. despite my husband's continually encouragement, i can't seem to focus on the two finals i have tomorrow--to me they are a lost cause.

philosophy is kicking my butt! truth tables? prisoner's dilemma? i'll tell you about MY dilemma!

as far as history (yes, the class that i love!), i did not move on to the Victorian period with the rest of the class because i was still researching napoleon for my fourth book critique! and... by the way i turned in my fourth book critique late!!

never had i fallen on my face like that. the weeks leading up to this mess have been a series of unfortunate events.

my semester is drawing to a close. how do i feel about that? well...absolutely relieved to be sure. but, doesn't it sometimes feel like it all comes to an abrupt end? even after all you have done is waited for the end? each semester is a like a miniature life cycle, and yes, i do feel very aged at the end. yesterday was the last day of classes, and my final exams (for two classes) will be next Thursday.

on another note, a poem that we read in my literature class has really stayed with me: Spring and Fall by Gerard Hopkins. Hopkins writes about the unleaving of a tree. but, what has almost haunted me is Dr. H's lecture. he stated that, of course, the tree is a metaphor for us. therefore, just like the tree "unleaves" (loses its leaves) one by one in the fall, so do we lose "days" of our lives. i told my 96 year old grandmother about the poem. i don't think she liked it, perhaps she thought i was being mean. but, in truth, she is the one that started it! she was saying that she never realized she was getting old. she said that she has just lived her days one at a time. one day at a time until there was 96 years altogether. AMAZING!!


how many leaves have you lost?

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844-1889)

Spring and Fall:
to a Young Child

Margaret, are you grieving

Over Goldengrove unleaving?

Leaves, like the things of man, you

With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?

Ah! as the heart grows older

It will come to such sights colder

By and by, nor spare a sigh

Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;

And yet you will weep and know why.

Now no matter, child, the name:

Sorrow's springs are the same.

Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed

What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:

It is the blight man was born for,

It is Margaret you mourn for.

to be heard

sometimes, a person just wants to be heard. i want to be heard. i don't need a compassionate ear, or even an ear, really.

today was a ROTTEN DAY!! i know, the bible says that this is the day that the Lord has made, and that we should rejoice and be glad it in. well, i can tell you that i've had better. there was definitely no rejoicing today--just surviving.

my little one has had an ear infection; ear infections have plagued her since she was a baby. she probably gets about 4 a year. i was at the night clinic on tuesday night. i didn't get any sleep on tuesday or wednesday night. but, that is the good news. like the fool that i am, i have been over-extending myself volunteering at the school. on wednesday, i went to help with some fundraiser stuff. well, i should have been cleaning my house, but no, i should sacrifice myself and my family at the altar of pta, shouldn't i? to make an awful story short, after running to h.e.b at 10:00 p.m. to buy juice for the teacher's breakfast, I tried to "clean" what i could. then, my little one started crying because of the pain in her ear. so, i didn't get to check my girls' homework last night. this morning i checked it, but one of my oldest daughter's paper must have slipped off the table and landed on the chair (unbeknownst to me). needless to say, she got a conduct point taken off her folder, and made to stay in detention "so she could learn her lesson." I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK!!! she had put it in her folder, i took it out!!! i felt SO bad for her. when i apologized to her she told me that it was her fault, and that she should have made sure.

dear reader, my heart is broken. i have wept bitter tears because i saw how hard she worked to finish her homework last night. life is not only unfair, it is cruel. i made the mistake, and i hope that i am smart enough to learn from it. no longer will i put pta or volunteer work ahead of my family--they are too precious to me.

dos caminos

Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)



Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.



Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.




And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.



I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.





********************


i'm at the two roads ...and i'm wondering which one to take.


do i major in english or history? i love both. but i cannot say that i love them equally. i think i love history more. judging from the books on my nightstand, history is the one. i have "American Sphinx," "John Adams," (which i have already read from cover to cover!) and i think one Charlotte Bronte book that my sister gave me for my birthday.


i find my revolutionary europe class fascinating, and i would love to take all of the history classes offered at u.t.p.a. what to do? how long can i prolong or delay this decision? should i double major? if i do, i am really only delaying the decision. i would love to go to graduate school. i see myself (dare i write it?) pursuing a master's degree, but then it would definitely be in history. thesis? perhaps, but it would definitely have to be on a topic in history.



i hate to have to make decisions.

how do i hate me...let me count the ways

i'm feeling especially down on myself. why? well the most immediate answer would be that i am blogging instead of tackling all the work i have to do!! my third book critique is due on thursday, and i have two more chapters to read. and i haven't been able to finish "Locksley Hall."

but, let me take a stab at my list anyway.

1. i run around like a crazy chicken...ALMOST EVERY DAY! (i've been forbidden by my oldest daughter to say "like a chicken with my head cut-off." she has told me that she can picture a chicken with its head cut off, and apparently that is too graphic for her. :)

2. i am the queen of disorganization. in an instant i can lose progress reports, library books, and as was the case tonight, school picture proofs that must be returned tomorrow!

3. although i have told myself that i will not squander my time (i.e. blogging or reading other blogs or mindlessly mapping out my myriad of semesters i have left), I STILL DO.

4. I HAVE NOT EXERCISED SERIOUSLY IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS!! i guess beach to bay was the last time i had a jogging routine/schedule. i have fended off pound after painstaking pound, but i have had to surrender to at least four of them that will not budge.

5. true to myself, i am not true to my word, when it comes to my silly commitments; the ones I make to myself. strangely, if i tell someone i will be somewhere, even though i don't want to do it at ALL, i will. if i tell my girls i will do something, i do it. i'll volunteer at the school, PTA meetings, help fellow classmates, etc. BUT, i will not commit to myself, odd isn't it?

i really should stop there, napoleon awaits me.

Good night, Good people

(i'm sure you all don't squander your time ;)

i had a dream...

or should i say i've had two dreams? in both dreams i was saying goodbye to one of my aunts. the first dream i had i was saying goodbye to my tia v. i hugged her tightly and i was telling her that it was going to be alright, and that all the suffering would be over.

a couple of days after that dream, i had a another one. i dreamt that i was saying goodbye to my tia c. almost the same scenario.

funny thing is that, as i was thinking about both dreams, i had a dawning or perhaps perplexing thought. I AM THE ONE SAYING GOODBYE!! hmm? am i going somewhere that i don't know about?

although i admit it is a morbid thought, sometimes i am weary; not only physically, but spiritually and mentally. how i wish i could be in a place of peace, where there will be no more sorrows and no more tears.

so, on that sad note, i will say goodbye

hold it!

what do you think you're doing? it seems like i keep hearing someone say that as i continue my slow prodding towards my degree. i have a hold for this and a hold for that. i am not tsi complete (even though i have already taken my college algebra!), or an advisement hold, etc. ENOUGH ALREADY!! can't the people at administration give me a pass for being old? like a senior citizens pass or something?
seriously, all this red tape is enough to discourage anybody, especially me!!!

my waterloo

yesterday was my waterloo! (i know, boo-hoo!)

mid-terms at utpa are something i've never experienced. where do i start? i was attacked on two fronts: philosophy and english...on the same day! i don't like to be negative, but i don't think i will EVER understand venn diagrams! it went down something like this:

All horses are dogs. No dogs are ugly. So, no horses are ugly.

don't quote me on that because i really don't remember. but, i was suppose to put it in form, and draw the venn diagram. Jeez, Louise!

on the fallacies, i think i didn't do as bad. famous last words....

i am faced with a very difficult prospect: if i don't pass this test, then i have to drop the class. yes, i would HAVE to drop it because there are only two major deciding exams (the one i just took and the final). mind you, i have NEVER dropped a class. last night my husband asked me how much the class had cost. i think he muttered something about bracing himself for the news. $800 was my reply.

on the other front, english literature. yes, i love the class, but i didn't study (as much i needed to study). the test was similiar to the massacre in Mrs. Roper's american literature class. you know, the ones where all you get are lines from the poem, and you need to identify the author, the poem, and the meaning and/or significance. i (as you can read from a previous post) did not finish reading Coleridge's "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," and that is one of the questions i missed, along with William Blake's "My Heart Leaps Up."

perhaps, i am boring you with the details. but, i write more for myself. i guess because these things bother me. it is a form of therapy for me. i'm sure for you it is a form of torture (if you should happen to still be reading :).

well, dear reader, i bid you a good weekend. i will be reading two poems from Tennyson and reading my third book on my newest and dearest pal, napoleon. even though, i really wish i could finish reading Charlotte Bronte's "Villette." i was thinking that i have been investing way too much time on my history class and not enough time on the other classes. that explains my utter defeat yesterday. on the bright side, i have recognized my error and will work to fix it.

napoleon and me

we are getting to know each other and are getting quite cozy. well, at least me with him because he is dead! :) my subject for the four book critiques is napoleon. thus, i have read two books about him, and i am starting on the third.

napoleon and i skipped out during my british literature class on tuesday. try as i may, my good intentions (the ones that i had for reading a chapter a day, so that i would have a whole week to write my paper) went by the wayside. or maybe they paved the way to the academia hell i went through this weekend. my whole weekend was tied up trying to finish reading Robert Holtman's book. i got very little sleep. and still, i was not finished by tuesday morning. so, i went to my first class because i skipped it when my first paper was due, and then i went to the library during my second class. and guess what? according to a girl in my literature class, there was a reading quiz. aahh! i probably wouldn't have done very well, anyway; i didn't finish reading Coleridge's poem.

on the upside of things, i was grateful for don cudd's tutoring with my critique. he has a tutoring buisness and is extremely helpful! i would hate not having my papers reviewed before turning them in.

chinny, chin, chin

a long time ago (probably about thirteen years ago) my beloved Abuela Nico tapped her aged finger on my chin and prophesied over it. Like the ancient prophet Kalchas she foretold of my doom. "Cuando estes vieja se te va salir bien fea!" she said gesturing with her hand and making a rather ugly sign of what my horrible chin would look like. I thought, "Gee, what an awful prospect awaits me."











fast forward to having two outspoken daughters. As I laid in bed with my girls one night with only the hall light on, my Abuela's prophesy was fulfilled (at least according to my youngest daughter!). I guess she could see my silhouette and she grabbed my chin. "Mom, do you know who your chin reminds me of?" I don't have a clue, I thought. Then she asked her sister, "What is the name of the bad guy that comes out in Cyberspace?" I thought, "Oh, no you didn't just compare my chin to hacker's!"









Ladies and gentlemen,









May I present Hacker.

















But wait! it gets better! a couple of days after that, my little one (yes, the same one that told me my chin reminds her of hacker) paid me a compliment of some sort. and i (with my feelings still hurt) rebuffed it by reminding her that my chin is UGLY! i prodded her, "who does my chin remind you of?" and my older one piped "Abraham Lincoln!"



Ladies and Gentlemen,



Honest Abe.





honestly, if i didn't have a complex about my chin, my girls are going to give me one!

ninety-two

that was my grade on my first mid-term exam at u.t.pa. the grade is excellent considering i was lost. i cannot, however, rest on that grade. i have my second book critique that is due on tuesday to work on. so, plug, plug, plug away...

mother teresa in distress!

my husband has told me that i have a "mother teresa" complex :) yes, it is true i want to help those in need. and yes, sometimes i should help myself first, and volunteer at my house before i go volunteering at the school. but, maybe i do it to avoid the house! oh well, i went down to the school two weeks ago friday to help out. to make a painful story short, i thought i broke the laminating machine. when i asked the woman who works in the front office whether they (meaning the repairman or tech) would be able to repair it, she only said curtly, "well, i hope so.." i felt as big as an ant! my only weak attempt at a reply was, "that will teach me to volunteer, huh?" THAT IS IT! my good will hunting days are OVER!!!! no thank you, i will just be selfish from now on. this mother teresa is officially hanging up her habit.

ADIOS la caridad!

rewriting history

i took my first mid-term exam in my revolutionary history course. it was a blue book exam. who know, the ones that all you bring to class is a blue book. and, by the way, draw two squares and a big X in the middle on the first two pages...just to try and stop any cheaters! well, i wrote out my little outline and began to write. i thought i had a pretty solid first half, then i got to the second part. well, let me think...hum? i think the nobles left france at one point? didn't they? at least they should have left during the reign of terror when every one's head was getting chopped off? you would think??? and then what happened? o.k., well, they definitely sent king louis xvi to the guillotine. and then what happened? oh, yes, i think they adopted several constitutions during the interim--oh no-let me erase that.

do you get the picture? i was LOST!!!! i will get my grade on tuesday. i'm debating whether i will post it or not. what i am glad for is the fact that dr. duke only gave us essay exams and that definitely prepared me for this class. my western civilization class with dr. duke was only these types of exams. he did not believe in multiple choice. professor hart's writing about history assignments were also good practice for these types of writing exams. overall, i think i have a firm footing thanks to del mar (which by the way, i still miss tremendously!).

a quick post

i am currently getting about six hours of sleep (YAWN)! as much as i try to get organize, i never do. i have to finish reading about 100 pages on napoleon, and begin writing an eight page paper that is due next tuesday. if it were in MLA format, i wouldn't be so worried. but, it is suppose to be written in chicago-style-i-don't-know-what-format and thus, i'm WORRIED!

it is going to be 12:00 a.m. and i will have to be up by 6:00 a.m. so, good night and sleep tight!

u.t.p.a

I'm a big girl!!!!

I started taking classes at the university of texas pan-american this week. as i walk on campus, i feel like i have started on a new journey. i am transitioning into upper level courses, and i am very excited. this is definitely a new chapter, therefore, let me begin:

my classes: philosophy, english literature, revolutionary europe.

philosophy is a freshman course, but a required core class. it is proving to be tricky. if a is b and b is c then all a's are c. all mammals have hair, seals have hair, thus seals are mammals, etc. also, the professor introduced inductive and deductive reasoning; and some circle things that are confusing.

english literature: an absolute awesome class. our first lecture was today. we are starting in the Romantic period. i am finding that my american literature class i took in the fall of 2005 is helping me out a great deal. in mrs. roper's class we studied american romanticism (characteristics, ideas, etc.) and i guess it derives from english romanticism. excellent, excellent experience.


revolutionary europe: also a favorite class. i will write my next post about this class on my next post. we have a lengthy writing assignment (20 pages!) that i need to start working on right about now. ;)

sweet silent solace

aahh!

i had forgotten how sweet silence can be for a weary stay-at-home mom. my daughters started school this morning, and i am again alone. all i can hear is the humming of my refrigerator, AND I LOVE IT!!!


however, i must not allow myself to be fooled. this solitary life will not last. i must go pay for my parking permit for utpa, get an i.d., and renew the inspection sticker on my car.

so, until next time.

peace...........:)

Del Mar Dream Redux

i need to revisit my "dream." or perhaps give it a make-over. i have finished the first part of my race. but, an associate's degree is only a third of my dream. i know that becoming a college professor is no small feat! but, i am learning to be patient. :)


* * *

i am still reading Villette.

more quotes:

Each mind was being reared in slavery; but, to prevent reflection from dwelling on this fact, every pretext of physical recreation was seized and made the most of. There, as elsewhere, the CHURCH strove to bring up her children robust in body, feeble in soul, fat, ruddy, hale, joyous, ignorant, unthinking, unquestioning. 'Eat, drink, and live!' she says. 'Look after your bodies; leave your souls to me."

this charlotte bronte girl was very, very astute! she is criticizing the Catholic church. but, honestly, i think any organized religion/church is capable of having this type of power over its followers. i always think of Job and how he questioned God during his time of trial. i don't think that a God who will not answer your questions or can't be questioned is not worth serving. God answered Job.

and:

"If her [speaking of Miss Fanshawe] beauty or her brains will not serve her so far, she merits the sharp lesson of experience."

she could have easily added "her youth," but then again, i guess if she wasn't young, she would be old and experienced, like the rest of us (or at least me).

disorientation

i attended a mandatory transfer orientation at utpa yesterday. i felt like it was mostly a waste of time. the fact that i am not a traditional student makes me stick out like a sore thumb. seriously, i don't need to hear about ROTC or dorms! but, oh well, what can i do, but play by their rules? i walked up and down the campus, and became more agitated by the minute. i was starving and didn't stay to register for classes. i did manage to register here at home. the historiography class and the descriptive linguistics class i wanted were closed! so, i signed up for american literature and revolutionary europe. i'm looking forward to them.

*******************************************

i finished reading Jane Eyre! what a wonderful book. i think i will be a lifetime fan of Charlotte Bronte. so much so that i have started reading Villette. And again, I am hooked. reading the book is my reward for doing my hated housework. :)

some of my favorite quotes thus far:

To myself alone could I look.

AND

I say again, madame was a very great and a very capable woman. That school offered for her powers too limited a sphere; she ought to have swayed a nation: she should have been the leader of a turbulent legislative assembly. Nobody could have brow-beaten her, none irritated her nerves, exhausted her patience, or over-reached her astuteness. In here own single person, she could have comprised the duties of a first minister and a superintendent of police. Wise, firm, faithless; secret, crafty passionless; watchful and inscrutable; acute and insensate--withal perfectly decorous--what more could be desired?

this woman sounds like my Abuela Nico!! ;)

*******************************************

Two pounds too many

To the two pounds I gained this weekend:

I simply cannot accept you; you must be banished altogether. I have some suspicion as to how you both got to me. But, let me retrace my eating steps. Was it the huge torta I ate with my husband's grandmother downtown on Saturday afternoon? It was certainly delicious, and I shouldn't have devoured it all. Except, I could not throw it away, particularly since Dona Blanca had paid for it. But, it had to have been more than that. I do remember stuffing my face at the Carne Asada get-together at my brother-in-law's house on Saturday evening. That certainly could have added on the pounds. And maybe, just maybe, the huge pasta dish (with all the side salad and bread sticks) I ate at the Olive Garden played a key role, as well. But enough of my eating remembrance.

What is my plan of attack to rid myself of you? I walked for 30 minutes on Monday and Tuesday, and I jogged for 30 minutes yesterday. Yet, you all will not leave. I am truly vexed and unhappy! What must I do to expiate my consuming sin? Drink water? Eat lite? I am recommitting my life to eating in moderation, and not letting my over zealous eyes have the best of me.

I don't know how long it will take me to cleanse myself of you, but I will be victorious in the end!

i am almost finished with college algebra! i will only have a month off before school starts up again. i have been a fool. i have taken too many classes, and i have not had any time off. i have been in school since last august. except for the few weeks i had in december, it has been non-stop. i feel drained. my girls have been caged up this summer, as well. my eldest daughter keeps asking me if and when we are going on vacation. i'd love to be able to tell her, but i can't. the only "vacation" might be going to houston (and that is a long shot). we will see what happens.

finito

mi clase de biologia se ha terminado!!!!!!!! gracias a Dios. y tambien a mi esposo que me apoyo para poder assistir a clases durante el mes de junio.

my biology class is OVER!!! thank you, Jesus! and also my husband who supported me (by coming home at 5:30 every day, so that i could go to class).

all i have to worry about now (and it is still a BIG worry) is my college algebra course. i know, i know, boo-hoo, woe is me! but, i don't understand a lot of it. i took two quizzes tonight. on my first attempt i scored a 71% and my second attempt was a 77%. a little better, but not by much. my question is, "Who uses logarithms in real life? Or, who graphs parabolas for a living? Really?"

my secret indulgence, however, continues to be reading Jane Eyre. What a wonderful book! although i must admit that reading it late at night has turned somewhat scary because of what Jane assumes is Grace Poole's laughter in the corridors at night. sscarry!!!
i'm off to read my gothic tale.

good night.

cry me a river of tears

i have had a heartbreaking feeling all semester long. not only that, a sinking feeling, as well. sinking because i am (like dante) descending into bigger and uglier pits of the college algebra inferno. july 23 cannot get here fast enough!!!!! it seems like an eternity. i don't know if all of the college algebra courses at del mar are this hard, or if this special torture is reserved for online students. it doesn't help that i don't have a professor, not even an online video professor. my anti-virus software thinks that the math plug-ins are evil. i have been paying a tutor to come help me out. ay, ay, ay. canta y no llores.

the one bright spot on this cumulus nimbus is that i went to utpa for the first time on sunday. i finally went to speak to an academic advisor for the fall. can you believe it? i think i'm going to take a descriptive linguistics class, a sociology class, and a history class. right now, that sounds a million times better than a biology and math class. :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


i have started reading Jane Eyre it is a most fascinating and heartwrenching book. so far my favorite passage is:

"I am not deceitful; if I were I should say I loved you; but I declare I do not love you; I dislike you the worst of anybody in the world except John Reed...I am glad you are no realtion of mine; ...I will never come to see you when I am grown up...I will say that the very thought of you makes me sick, and that you treated me with miserable cruelty...How dare I, Mrs. Reed? How dare I? Because it is the truth."

powerful words, don't you think? i think the truth definitely has power. (i know, it is a book!) but, Jesus said, "You shall now the truth and the truth shall set you free." Now, those are words to live by.

good night.

upon successful completion

those three words are hanging over my head. upon successful completion of college algebra and biology 1409, i should be able to graduate from del mar college. the only problem is that i am inching my way through the classes! *sigh* i don't understand college algebra, and if it wasn't for the handy-dandy "help me solve this button," i don't know where i would be right now! i have 16 days left in my summer biology course, and 40 something days left in algebra, YUCK!!!!!
it isn't that biology is so hard, it is that i just don't have the stamina to go to class monday-friday from 6:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. (granted we get out early on some nights, but i'm just too old for this).

another mission impossible project is to organize my kitchen this summer.

But, like Pastor Leavell preached, "I will count it all a joy!"

until next time....

Counting the Cost

if i were to add up all the late nights studying, the countless essays, innumerable tests, i would be entirely too discouraged to continue with my education. another cost is the toll all of this is taking on me physically. i feel tired ALL the time. at times i feel like my neck is about to explode. why am i doing this? this biggest cost has been extolled upon my family. my girls are shooed away, "I really need to get this done." "This assignment is due today, or due tomorrow." "I will read to you when I'm done." How can I can I continue to pursue a degree at such a high cost?

How to Lose Your Sanity in 2 weeks.

i have realized that this maymester business is insanity!!!! i feel like i'm working from behind all the time!! the material is very, very interesting, but there isn't enough time to learn all of it.

HELP!!!!

Happy Birthday Chato!!!!!

today is my brother's birthday, but i don't have any way of calling him. he changed his phone number and he thinks it registered on my cellphone. unfortunately, my cellphone was dead when he called, so it didn't register. i do, however, want him to know that i love him and i hope he has a wonderful birthday and year.

chato,

te quiero mucho, espero que te la pases muy bien. llamame si tienes tiempo.

martita

when will it be over???

i am finishing up my spring semester. i can't believe that it will be over tomorrow. what i really want to know is when it will ALL be over? God willing i will get my associate's degree in august. after that, all bets are off. i don't know where to go full steam ahead and try to finish as soon as possible. OR do i take it easy, enjoy my daughters while they are still small and take 2 or 3 classes. all i know is that these past few weeks have been hard on them, my husband, my house, and myself. i have been working feverishly on my computer and shooing them away at the same time. i felt like a terrible mother when they would come ask me questions, and i would just shush them away. once again, my favorite question: what to do? what to do?


++++++++++

stc is so much different than del mar. i have never been exempted from taking a final exam. but, lo and behold, i didn't have to take a final for one of my courses at stc. i don't know if that is against policy or what, but either way it was a welcomed break.


+++++++++

i am taking a sociology course online. YIKES!! it is a maymester course. this is my first maymester course and it is promising to be fast and furious. i have a project due next thursday. so i should stop blogging and get to work! :)

oh! i almost forgot. i have started reading "El Amor En Los Tiempos de Colera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. it is taking me about a day to read ONE page because of the spanish words that are unfamiliar to me. for example, atiborrado, remora, asiduos, pliegos, pesadumbre and many, many more. i will let you all know how it goes.

another spanish word i learned from my neighbor tonight: fayuca. roughly translated i think it means something like a knockoff. if i were to use it in a sentence, i would say, "Mi bolsa de mano LV no es una fayuca".

it is 11:36 p.m. the last few minutes of sunday april 20. i have so many things to do, but i don't want to do any of them.

*iron my husband's uniforms (you'd think i'd send them to the cleaners, right?)
*work on an essay for world lit (it is due next sunday)
*work on my research paper for biology (it is due the week after this coming week)
*study for my biology quizzes (i will take them on tuesday)
*while studying for my bio quizzes, i should study for my major exam (it's on thursday)


siento una inquietud muy grande, no se que hacer primero. mi casa esta al reves!! no se cuando estar en orden; por ahora esta en desorden.

i also want to exercise and eat right; at least until after may 2nd. i think on may 3rd, i will have whatever i want.

i went to a wedding tonight. it brought back memories of my wedding. i can still remember running around like an idiot. doesn't everybody, though?

i am off to iron, good night.

what i haven't learned/what i don't know

i'm still here, in case anyone was wondering :)

i've been trying to get through this semester. last spring i wrote some blogs during the semester titled: what i l've learned/what i know. this semester is the polar opposite! i don't feel like i'm learning a lick of biology, psychology, or art appreciation; although i have to admit that my art appreciation class is more interesting than the others.

so here is what i DON'T know:

biology: i still don't understand covalent bonds, or ionic bonds, or any type of bond for that matter. my last major exam felt like i a mental massacre. i was so LOST!!!! and here is the kicker, I actually studied for the exam. i read and re-read the chapter. but my friends, there is a huge difference between reading and reading comprehension (of which, i have ZERO when it comes to biology).

psychology: my husband told me i would like psyc, but it turns out i'm not that into it! yes, it is fascinating, but i think my own petty problems don't allow me to focus on the science.

art appreciation: i didn't realize there were so many elements involved in art. i will write about them later, because my next subject is beckoning me.

world literature ii: ah, yes! always the english major, i don't think i can go a semester without taking an english class. i really enjoyed reading "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight," again. i had read it when i took british lit., but i really picked up on the details this time around. but, my concern/homework right now is dante and his inferno. i must read about 20 pages tonight, so i'm off.

what i don't know: i don't know if i will graduate in august like i want. i have childcare issues, remedial issues, and not to mention my non-interest issues that come with biology and math. ;)

nevertheless, i guess we shall find out in august, huh?

the best of times

i don't know if i will ever get over the sense of loss i feel since leaving corpus christi. i know, i know, i should save the drama for my mama. but, i do feel so, so sad; and i still can't get over it. it has been about six months now, and i still at times feel miserable. what is weird about this is that i am doing better here. i have actually lost some weight and have been exercising a whole lot more. so what is the big deal? maybe if i list all the things i miss about corpus christi, i will finally understand why i miss it so much.

i miss my daughter's school. i think it is an AWESOME school! i still visit their website, just to mope, i guess. my oldest daughter had an awesome kindergarten teacher, and i had really hoped for my little to be in her class this year. it didn't work out that way.

i miss del mar college. my husband tells me that a community college is a community college. I DON'T HAPPEN TO AGREE! i have had excellent professors and help along the way.

i miss my favorite muffin.

i miss driving down ocean drive and seeing the beautiful ocean.

i miss seeing my daughters enjoying an afternoon play date with my neighbors kids.

i definitely miss the 24 hour walgreens being close to my house.

i miss my hairdresser. i haven't gotten a haircut since september, i think.

i miss friends from corpus christi.

i miss corpus christi christian fellowship. the church we attended, although being able to see Pastor Leavell's preaching online has been very nice. we have started going to a nice church here...

and for some reason, even though my little one would not be in preschool anymore, i miss her preschools. she went to two different ones and i really miss walking the halls of those schools. her teachers were great, as well.

i wish i could put my feelings into words. i know that i can't look forward until i stop looking back. i realize that it is perhaps detrimental to look back, but i was happy there! my family and i were happy there. and it isn't that we are unhappy here, but i just can't get used to living down here. i understand that life is not stationary, and that we need to keep growing. but my heart doesn't; my heart was full and content when i lived in corpus christi. nevertheless, i know that God will give me grace for this new chapter in my life. Amen.

updated fitness journal

i know i haven't kept up my activity logs, but i have been exercising. i started school on the 17 of january and things have gotten even crazier than usual. first let me catch up:

january 16: jogged for 45 minutes (5 easy, 20 hard, 15 steady, 5 min hard). i'm sure i walked
afterwards.
january 19: jogged for 1 hour easy run.

january 23: jogged for 35 minutes.

january 25: jogged for 20:39 and walked for 10 minutes.

february 1: jogged for 10 minutes.

february 2: ran in a 10k. 1:03 (that is one hour and three minutes).

alright, let's hope i am back on track!

we will see what february brings.

Make the World Go Away

these are my sentiments exactly. i had an awful start to spring 2008. if there was ever a time i would've like a do over, today is the day :(

i somehow managed to get out of my house on time. i dropped off my girls early and headed towards stc with plenty of time. nevertheless and much to my detriment, i began to worry about my iron at home, and whether or not i had unplugged it. so much to my own chagrin, i had to drive right past the campus and all of the nice empty parking spots and head home once more to check on the iron. when i ran inside, i saw my rowenta's red blinking light. ah-hah! yes, the house could have (God forbid) burned down. so i quickly unplugged it and ran to the bathroom to check on my rollers; all clear in the bathroom and headed back to school.

but that was not the worst part of my day. i got to my classes on time because i parked off campus. stc's parking situation is worse than del mar, believe it or not. after a not so enthusiastic day of meeting my new professors, i headed back across the street to my car. Only to find a PARKING TICKET!!!!!!! courtesy of the City of McAllen. now to be honest with you all, i felt like cursing like a sailor, but i have realized that cursing is degrading. so, i cried. boo-hoo, poor pathetic me. $35.00 for my ignorance, it is true that ignorance does not pay, it actually costs fools like me money.

oh well, what can i do now?

activity log 4

in a nutshell,

january 9: steady jog for 32 minutes, walked for 10 min.

january 11: jogged intervals for 50 minutes as follows:
10 Easy
10 Steady
10 Easy
10 Steady
10 Easys
i also walked for 10 minutes for a total of 1 hour of exercise.

january 14: jogged with my husband for 24 minutes. {VERY LIGHT DAY}

Academic Resolutions for the New Year

school is about to start, and like always, i'm nervous. i don't know what stc will bring. i signed up for biology, art appreciation, and psychology. i am also taking my remedial math through del mar. my anxiety level has already gone up because i could not find the math textbook here in the valley. therefore, i had to order it online and you know how that goes. will it be the right one? will i get all the cds i need, the student i.d., etc.

nevertheless, i persevere. here are my academic resolutions for the new school year.
i must say that i am not at all enthusiastic about my course load this semester. i ran out of literature courses to take (until i get to the university) and now only need my core requirements.

1. try to enjoy my classes!
2. do not procrastinate! use my planner to stay organized*
3. i will be ecstatic if i receive a B in math.
4. begin applying for scholarships for the fall semester.

*this statement might seem odd. but i have found that when i use my planner, not only do i manage my assignments better, i'm less stressed out. i used it a lot last spring while i was taking four classes (i know that seems like very little for some college students, but when you have a household of four to run, it's alot.) and did well. i remember that during the month of april, i had major assignments due almost every day.

other resolutions i have are as follows:

1. finish reading "Founding Brothers" by Joseph Ellis this month. (i've been reading it since this
summer!)
2. after i finish the aforementioned, i would like to read a book on Thomas Jefferson. that way i
can work on my other lofty goal of reading a book on every president; TJ is next on my list.
let's see that would leave me only forty more presidents to go, easy as pie, remember?
3. i have read two out of the ten plays in the book, "Ten Greek Plays in Contemporary
Translations." i have read "Agamemnon" and "Oedipus Rex." i would like to read the
remaining eight plays this year.

i think i have enough to get me started, what do you think?

Activity Log 3

alright, so i did not burn up the road this past week, but i did get out there.

January 1:

i'm excited for the new year!!! i jogged for 34.18.53 walked for 8.59.19.

January 4:

i jogged for 45.01.31, i'm sure i walked for at least 5 minutes.

January 7:

my long run today. i jogged for 1.15.30; walked for at least 8 minutes.

that's all folks!

by the way, HAVE A HAPPY AND BLESSED NEW YEAR!!