o.k., so once again i did not keep my deadline, but i have been exercising. so here is my activity log for the week of December 20-December 27. I realize today is the 31st and i did run today, but i'm trying to keep my weeks straight; although i could finish out the year, right? so then i will go ahead and post today's running time, as well.
Thursday, December 20:
Jogged for 52 minutes. The first 5 minutes were an easy run. the following 30 minutes were what is called fartlek (which is varying speeds and terrain, at least how i understand it.) and i finished off my run with 15 minutes easy run.
Sunday, December 23:
Jogged for 1:17 minutes. the running book called for 75 minutes. i added the two minutes because i lost them trying to get my daughter (who rides her bike while i run) back on her bike after she took a spill.
Tuesday, December 25:
Christmas Day
Jogged for 23 minutes. The book called for a "light run." i walked, however, for about 7 minutes to try and make a half-hour at least.
Wednesday, December 26:
i did Denise Austen's Pilates DVD for 45 minutes.
Thursday, December 27:
Ran intervals, NOT FUN AT ALL!!!!!
5 minutes easy
10 minutes hard
5 easy
5 hard
5 easy
5 hard
5 easy
i do not like intervals, not in a box, with a fox....
i do not like them Sam, I am.
Sunday, December 30:
i fell of the proverbial wagon. i ate pizza what seemed like all day, drank cokes, and had brownies at night while reading my book. it was a rotten day all around. i think it started off wrong when we woke up too late to go to church. i didn't get to go for my sunday run :(
Monday, December 31:
Jogged for 62 minutes. again, i added the two minutes because i was stopped by a caravan of travelers wanting directions to the international bridge that would take them to reynosa, mexico. i gave them what i thought (and they turned out to be right) was the way to go. my husband says i steered them in the right direction, thank God or else those poor, weary travelers would still be lost and cursing me to be sure.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
my beloved's voice
for anyone interested in hearing what my husband sounds like. these are two email messages he sent me:
M,
You need to stop whining about math and get it done! Your running log is GREAT! Although you interject more whining. You need to think about ALL the positive benefits that your running has, not only you, but the girls as well. So quit whining, keep the "warrior spirit," and get yourself out there!!!!
F.
and yet another email on dental insurance information:
M,
You may want to look into this but then again, it has nothing to do with school or running, so it probably is not important to you.
I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist, I had to throw that barb in.
I love you!!!
F.
M,
You need to stop whining about math and get it done! Your running log is GREAT! Although you interject more whining. You need to think about ALL the positive benefits that your running has, not only you, but the girls as well. So quit whining, keep the "warrior spirit," and get yourself out there!!!!
F.
and yet another email on dental insurance information:
M,
You may want to look into this but then again, it has nothing to do with school or running, so it probably is not important to you.
I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist, I had to throw that barb in.
I love you!!!
F.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
activity logs: the continuum
i am going to start posting my activity logs in an effort to keep doing them. the activity logs were weekly assignments for my kine class this past semester. i think they started in september and ran through december 5th. while doing these activity logs, i lost about 10 lbs.; hence my desire to keep them going. my first post will cover from december 6 until present. after this post, i hope to post weekly.
so...
READY?
SET?
GO!!!!!!
Thursday, December 6:
Jogged for 40 minutes. (i didn't write down how much i walked, but i'm sure i walked at least 5. i will usually walk about 5 minutes after every run, so i don't think i will include my walking minutes.)
Saturday, December 8:
Denise Austen Pilates DVD for 45 minutes.
Sunday, December 9:
Jogged for 50:15 (should i even include my 15 seconds? perhaps i should just round down.)
Monday, December 10:
Jogged for 37:47 (mondays are suppose to be my "easy runs," although they don't feel easy at all! :)
Tuesday and Wednesday, December 11 &12: OFF FOR WORLD LIT FINAL ON TUESDAY AND MUCH NEEDED REST ON WEDNESDAY!!
Thursday, December 13:
Jogged for 42:17 (i got off the written running schedule, but i've decided i'm not going to worry about that because if i do i will probably scrap my whole routine.)
Sunday, December 16:
I jogged for 1:01 (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, i actually jogged for a whole hour!! i can't believe it myself!)
Monday, December 17: OFF. this is the day that i bombed my math exam, thus i was defeated thoroughly and could not get myself to do any type/form of exercise.
Tuesday, December 18:
Jogged for 35.17 and walked for 7 minutes.
so there you have it, my first activity log entry. something i learned from my kine class is to set short term goals. i would like to run a 10k in january, but the weekend of the race is not a good time for me. therefore, i think i might have to 10-3 that goal. i'm hoping to find another race that i can do around that time, or maybe i'll just have to wait for february.
on another note, my knees have started to bother me. i hope that it is only because i need new tennis shoes and not because i need to stop jogging. :(
so...
READY?
SET?
GO!!!!!!
Thursday, December 6:
Jogged for 40 minutes. (i didn't write down how much i walked, but i'm sure i walked at least 5. i will usually walk about 5 minutes after every run, so i don't think i will include my walking minutes.)
Saturday, December 8:
Denise Austen Pilates DVD for 45 minutes.
Sunday, December 9:
Jogged for 50:15 (should i even include my 15 seconds? perhaps i should just round down.)
Monday, December 10:
Jogged for 37:47 (mondays are suppose to be my "easy runs," although they don't feel easy at all! :)
Tuesday and Wednesday, December 11 &12: OFF FOR WORLD LIT FINAL ON TUESDAY AND MUCH NEEDED REST ON WEDNESDAY!!
Thursday, December 13:
Jogged for 42:17 (i got off the written running schedule, but i've decided i'm not going to worry about that because if i do i will probably scrap my whole routine.)
Sunday, December 16:
I jogged for 1:01 (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, i actually jogged for a whole hour!! i can't believe it myself!)
Monday, December 17: OFF. this is the day that i bombed my math exam, thus i was defeated thoroughly and could not get myself to do any type/form of exercise.
Tuesday, December 18:
Jogged for 35.17 and walked for 7 minutes.
so there you have it, my first activity log entry. something i learned from my kine class is to set short term goals. i would like to run a 10k in january, but the weekend of the race is not a good time for me. therefore, i think i might have to 10-3 that goal. i'm hoping to find another race that i can do around that time, or maybe i'll just have to wait for february.
on another note, my knees have started to bother me. i hope that it is only because i need new tennis shoes and not because i need to stop jogging. :(
Monday, December 17, 2007
Number Non-Sense
well, i tried to test out of a remedial math course, but failed miserably. my brain is just not wired that way. *sigh* so, i will be taking math 0373 (i think) with mr. david online next semester. i'm tempted to write, "what a waste of money and time!" but, i hope that by next may i will have a new attitude on math. i graduated from high school over 15 years ago...i don't remember a thing!! what else can i do but take the remedial course?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Come on get Happy!!!
it is 11:56 p.m., i should be heading off to sleep, BUT, i just sent off my last assignment for this semester. yes sirree!! fall 2007 is unofficially "in the books!" i say unofficially because i have not received my grades, yet. my world literature class still has me worried, but what can i do about it other than worry? i'm already doing that :)
well good night folks! tomorrow is the first day of my break. i should be awake to enjoy it, don't you think? the good news is that i only have about three more years of grueling semesters to go! doesn't that sound encouraging?
well good night folks! tomorrow is the first day of my break. i should be awake to enjoy it, don't you think? the good news is that i only have about three more years of grueling semesters to go! doesn't that sound encouraging?
Saturday, December 1, 2007
1/2 Week Left
o.k., since i am so freaked out about finishing this semester, i think it will be a good idea if i keep jotting down what i need to do. but first an update on last week's assignments:
1. i managed to finish my reading on the Aeneid. and i scrambled to get my chat groups assignment turned in. although it was not my turn to submit the assignment, i somehow
managed to get it tossed on my lap (i think being just to dumb to say no is my problem!).
it was funny the way it happened. one girl said she it wasn't her turn and the other one
said she couldn't do it. that simple. i thought, "o.k., so you two won't do it. there are three
in this chat group, so that just leaves the FOOL (me), right? or am i missing someone?
2. i took my COSC exam and did well. i figured out that we, like most computers, have
temporary memory. i don't think i actually retained everything i read, but i did pass. :)
3. i submitted all my assignments for my kine class.
i'm beginning to see a sliver of light at the end of this tunnel. hopefully i won't get hit by a
Mack truck before i get out of it!
now what i have to do this week:
1. turn in my adobe photoshop final project. i have one question? why pictures? i think i would
have rather done an essay or research paper than try to figure out adobe photoshop.
2. even though we only have 1/2 week left in the semester, my world lit professor has
introduced Ovid's "The Metamorphoses." call me an old-fashioned student, but i think the
last five days of class is not the most appropriate time to start a new reading. HOWEVER,
i must confess, i have found the book very, very interesting. i guess it is one of those things that you just have to read in a world literature class. i have an assignment due on tuesday, a MAJOR assignment. (so i really shouldn't be blogging, right?) i think blogging (for me, anyway) is a release of stress because i write down my current dilemmas; however pitiful they might be.
until next time, ovid is calling me.
1. i managed to finish my reading on the Aeneid. and i scrambled to get my chat groups assignment turned in. although it was not my turn to submit the assignment, i somehow
managed to get it tossed on my lap (i think being just to dumb to say no is my problem!).
it was funny the way it happened. one girl said she it wasn't her turn and the other one
said she couldn't do it. that simple. i thought, "o.k., so you two won't do it. there are three
in this chat group, so that just leaves the FOOL (me), right? or am i missing someone?
2. i took my COSC exam and did well. i figured out that we, like most computers, have
temporary memory. i don't think i actually retained everything i read, but i did pass. :)
3. i submitted all my assignments for my kine class.
i'm beginning to see a sliver of light at the end of this tunnel. hopefully i won't get hit by a
Mack truck before i get out of it!
now what i have to do this week:
1. turn in my adobe photoshop final project. i have one question? why pictures? i think i would
have rather done an essay or research paper than try to figure out adobe photoshop.
2. even though we only have 1/2 week left in the semester, my world lit professor has
introduced Ovid's "The Metamorphoses." call me an old-fashioned student, but i think the
last five days of class is not the most appropriate time to start a new reading. HOWEVER,
i must confess, i have found the book very, very interesting. i guess it is one of those things that you just have to read in a world literature class. i have an assignment due on tuesday, a MAJOR assignment. (so i really shouldn't be blogging, right?) i think blogging (for me, anyway) is a release of stress because i write down my current dilemmas; however pitiful they might be.
until next time, ovid is calling me.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
one and a half weeks
time is running out for fall 2007. i have to do several things today.
1. finish my reading for the aeneid. it is actually quite interesting. i am right before aeneas'
wedding to dido. i think she commits suicide shortly after. (marriage was suicide, huh? ;)
2. i need to read two chapters for my cosc. i have a unit test tomorrow. i will finish reading
the third chapter tomorrow. of course, i had three weeks to read three chapters, but did i
read one? NO!!! why do today what you will have to do tomorrow, right?
3. begin working on my quote collection for world literature. YIKES!!!!! i have a good idea on
the quotes i'm going to use; i just need to get started. del dicho al hecho hay mucho
trecho!! :)
4. start on my adobephoto shop final project for cosc.
i have a lot more to do, but i guess i can get started with this.
we will see what happens.
1. finish my reading for the aeneid. it is actually quite interesting. i am right before aeneas'
wedding to dido. i think she commits suicide shortly after. (marriage was suicide, huh? ;)
2. i need to read two chapters for my cosc. i have a unit test tomorrow. i will finish reading
the third chapter tomorrow. of course, i had three weeks to read three chapters, but did i
read one? NO!!! why do today what you will have to do tomorrow, right?
3. begin working on my quote collection for world literature. YIKES!!!!! i have a good idea on
the quotes i'm going to use; i just need to get started. del dicho al hecho hay mucho
trecho!! :)
4. start on my adobephoto shop final project for cosc.
i have a lot more to do, but i guess i can get started with this.
we will see what happens.
Friday, November 16, 2007
almost done!!
i have not blogged for awhile. i don't think it is for a lack of interest, it is for a lack of time. i am trying to wrap up my fall semester. i think we have about four weeks left. i can't wait to finish. although i must say, one of my classes has me worried. i think that is what i want to write about today: my online world literature class.
o.k., so as an english major, i'm suppose to take (must take) world literature. i should have taken it in the summer, but i didn't. so here i am taking it online now. we have read The Iliad, Trojan Women, Agamemnon and now we are reading The Aeneid. all very interesting reading. that is not my problem. my problem is that i have not received a single grade for this class. i don't know if i'm passing or falling, or WHAT???? no one in the class has received a grade. it is so frustrating because not only do i not control my grade, i don't even know what it is. what to do? the one major essay i turned in, could have been a little better, i think. but, i took my daughters to corpus christi that weekend for a birthday party. i don't regret it because it felt so good to be back in corpus christi. but, i do wish i knew what my grade is. and this brings me to my next point. why am i even doing this at my age? i'm in my mid thirties worried about whether i get an a or b? oh well, i really need to vent.
what i have learned/what i know:
in cosc: i have learned how to use power point and insert images and music files. i had to type up a resume for one lab. that was difficult since i have not had a "job" for the last nine years.
in kine: oh my goodness, i have learned about obesity, cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases. i'll tell you what, all that stuff is scary!
in world lit: I WANT MY GRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what i know:
this semester has been a shot in the dark. i don't know how i will come out of it. i guess i can only wait.
o.k., so as an english major, i'm suppose to take (must take) world literature. i should have taken it in the summer, but i didn't. so here i am taking it online now. we have read The Iliad, Trojan Women, Agamemnon and now we are reading The Aeneid. all very interesting reading. that is not my problem. my problem is that i have not received a single grade for this class. i don't know if i'm passing or falling, or WHAT???? no one in the class has received a grade. it is so frustrating because not only do i not control my grade, i don't even know what it is. what to do? the one major essay i turned in, could have been a little better, i think. but, i took my daughters to corpus christi that weekend for a birthday party. i don't regret it because it felt so good to be back in corpus christi. but, i do wish i knew what my grade is. and this brings me to my next point. why am i even doing this at my age? i'm in my mid thirties worried about whether i get an a or b? oh well, i really need to vent.
what i have learned/what i know:
in cosc: i have learned how to use power point and insert images and music files. i had to type up a resume for one lab. that was difficult since i have not had a "job" for the last nine years.
in kine: oh my goodness, i have learned about obesity, cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases. i'll tell you what, all that stuff is scary!
in world lit: I WANT MY GRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what i know:
this semester has been a shot in the dark. i don't know how i will come out of it. i guess i can only wait.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
where i am write now!!
i am suppose to be writing my first major essay for my world literature class. but, i can't seem to get my mind into essay writing mode. i would rather blog ;) i haven't blogged in a long, long, time. but, i find that it helps make the semester go by quicker. why? i think because i can see it progress week by week.
i think there are about nine weeks left in this semester. nine agonizing weeks. (but, hey, it is better than nine months, right?)
this semester i am taking kine, cosc, and world lit. ALL ONLINE!!!!! i had never taken one online course, much less three. let me tell you, i am really just trying to keep my head above water. if you ask me, i think it is a lot more work online than on campus. i have weekly assignments, which i didn't have in an on campus course. boo hoo!!
oh well, here we go:
what i've learned:
(since this is a make-up post, i will catch up since august.)
in cosc: i have learned a lot of keyboard shortcuts using the control key. we are working on spreadsheets right now.
in kine: i have to exercise at least three times a week for 30 minutes. so far so good. i have also learned about muscular endurance versus muscular strength and many other things.
in world lit: we just finished reading the Iliad. it was a long, long book. i'm glad i'm finally learning/reading the greek classic.
i am actually suppose to be writing my essay on that right now. i need to be able to send it to mike lapointe, the online tutuor by tomorrow. it's going to be a long nights journey.
i'll let you all know how it goes.....
what i know:
my life has totally changed from last semester. i'm not even in corpus christi anymore. i miss it something awful. i miss del mar (which my husband can't understand). i really miss my old life in corpus christi. i miss my friend and neighbor and her kids.
life in the rio grande valley is not that grand, let me tell you. i feel like an outsider who is very unwelcome. i have been given the third degree at my daughters' school. i have culture shock. it seems strange, but even though i am a mexican-american, i don't feel like i fit in here in the valley.
i think there are about nine weeks left in this semester. nine agonizing weeks. (but, hey, it is better than nine months, right?)
this semester i am taking kine, cosc, and world lit. ALL ONLINE!!!!! i had never taken one online course, much less three. let me tell you, i am really just trying to keep my head above water. if you ask me, i think it is a lot more work online than on campus. i have weekly assignments, which i didn't have in an on campus course. boo hoo!!
oh well, here we go:
what i've learned:
(since this is a make-up post, i will catch up since august.)
in cosc: i have learned a lot of keyboard shortcuts using the control key. we are working on spreadsheets right now.
in kine: i have to exercise at least three times a week for 30 minutes. so far so good. i have also learned about muscular endurance versus muscular strength and many other things.
in world lit: we just finished reading the Iliad. it was a long, long book. i'm glad i'm finally learning/reading the greek classic.
i am actually suppose to be writing my essay on that right now. i need to be able to send it to mike lapointe, the online tutuor by tomorrow. it's going to be a long nights journey.
i'll let you all know how it goes.....
what i know:
my life has totally changed from last semester. i'm not even in corpus christi anymore. i miss it something awful. i miss del mar (which my husband can't understand). i really miss my old life in corpus christi. i miss my friend and neighbor and her kids.
life in the rio grande valley is not that grand, let me tell you. i feel like an outsider who is very unwelcome. i have been given the third degree at my daughters' school. i have culture shock. it seems strange, but even though i am a mexican-american, i don't feel like i fit in here in the valley.
Friday, July 20, 2007
my sister, my hero!
i am blessed with a big family. (i wonder, sometimes, or rather think of how having siblings changes who you become as an individual. but, i am beginning to wander off my point.) i have three handsome brothers and one beautiful sister. she has left the states to go serve our country. i'm so apprehensive about it, but all i can do is trust Jesus. i know that i can't do anything but pray.
dear Jesus,
please keep my sister safe wherever she may be and bring her safely back to me.
Amen.
i love you sally, take good care of yourself!
dear Jesus,
please keep my sister safe wherever she may be and bring her safely back to me.
Amen.
i love you sally, take good care of yourself!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
i will not get angry!!
i have found those words so interesting! i read them in Mike Wallace's book, "Between You and Me." the interview where the words come from is both extremely interesting and amusing. but, most importantly, i have adopted them as my new motto. "i will not get angry!"
i have a lot on my plate right now. (i know, i know, drama queen all over again!) the truth is i'm in transition. and today as i was scurrying along trying to do all of the things that i needed to do, those words kept ringing in my ear. however, we will see how true they become.
i have started my summer reading. i went to the library and checked out three books: Between You and Me by Mike Wallace, Night by Elie Wiesel, and His Excellency by Joseph Ellis (the latter i have checked out several times and never finished it!) i really want to get something out of this summer, since i did not take a summer college course.
that said, i would like to give a sort of personal and unofficial review of wallace's book:
it is fascinating! some of the interviews are truly historical, i.e. Martin Luther King, Jr., former Presidents and First Ladies, etc. some of them are very informative in areas such as the middle east and u.s. history. and yet some of the interviews are purely entertaining and funny.
my next book will be "Night." i want to read it, but i don't know if i will have the stomach for it.
"His Excellency" is a good book, but i haven't restarted it because i don't remember exactly where i left off. my informal goal is to read a book on each president. i've read the book "John Adams," so that only leaves 42 more to go. easy as pie, don't you think?
i have a lot on my plate right now. (i know, i know, drama queen all over again!) the truth is i'm in transition. and today as i was scurrying along trying to do all of the things that i needed to do, those words kept ringing in my ear. however, we will see how true they become.
i have started my summer reading. i went to the library and checked out three books: Between You and Me by Mike Wallace, Night by Elie Wiesel, and His Excellency by Joseph Ellis (the latter i have checked out several times and never finished it!) i really want to get something out of this summer, since i did not take a summer college course.
that said, i would like to give a sort of personal and unofficial review of wallace's book:
it is fascinating! some of the interviews are truly historical, i.e. Martin Luther King, Jr., former Presidents and First Ladies, etc. some of them are very informative in areas such as the middle east and u.s. history. and yet some of the interviews are purely entertaining and funny.
my next book will be "Night." i want to read it, but i don't know if i will have the stomach for it.
"His Excellency" is a good book, but i haven't restarted it because i don't remember exactly where i left off. my informal goal is to read a book on each president. i've read the book "John Adams," so that only leaves 42 more to go. easy as pie, don't you think?
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
try and try again!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Continua
Done with six!Well, week six has come and gone. I'm grateful for it being over. As I write, I have a mild headache. My girlies are off tomorrow, so we can all sleep in just a little late. This week was a mixed bag. I didn't get any grades back (that can be a good thing sometimes!), but I feel so behind. I did manage to get a working rough draft on my government research paper. Hooray for me!! (I think I can, I think I can...)
O.K. so lets have it out:
In government: Class was cancelled on Monday. Instead I worked on a literature paper. On Wednesday, we turned in an elected leaders list. I don't know how I did on that, but I tried my best.
In Western Civilization: We learned about the powerful families that ran the Italian city-states, like Venice, Florence, and the Papal States. Some were the Medicis, Sforzas, etc. I asked my professor if these families were like the mob. I think the question caught him off guard. He thought about it and said, "Yeah, but they were legal." A legal mob? I've never heard of such a thing!
In Writing about Literature: On the in-class essay, I think I got a good grade. We didn't get out papers back, so I don't know what were my mistakes. But, I do know that I want to learn from them. I keep trying to learn about commas; somehow I still don't get them. I watched for the second time the Emily Dickinson film for the English Department. Dickinson is very complex and challenging. I like some of her poetry, I just don't understand her life. What did it stand for? Did it stand for being alone? Isolated? I understand that she liked to write her poetry and was a genius. But, other than that, I don't think we should live and die for ourselves. I think we should live for others (God and family).
History: We studied the "New Deal." And my assessment is that the New Deal was a big deal and still is today. The government stepped in, took control of the situation and never looked back. Was it necessary? Absolutely. Did it make us more dependent on government? Definitely. Can we go back and change it? Never.
What I know:I know that I'm semi-stressed. I say semi because I'm almost done with one research paper. I just need to polish it. The other one? Dear Lord Jesus help me!! The rough draft is due on Wednesday and I haven't even begun to write. Sounds like Patrick Henry, huh? I know I can get it done, but it will take hard work over the weekend. I have online discussions to write and western civilization study sheets to prepare.
I know that I am who I am because of Jesus. Not only did he make me, but he blessed me with what I have today. My struggles are His struggles. I don't struggle alone. I sincerely believe that he has called me according to His purposes. My husband, my girls, my family, and my life are gifts from Him. I don't question God because I think it would be wrong to question Him. I don't question God because I know that He is right. Sometimes I see professors or others trying to fit God into their intellect. As if God could fit in such a tiny space! What I do know is that the peace of God surpasses all understanding. And that my friends is the peace that I need.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Week in Review
i'm so glad this week is over, but i still have six more to go. i count finals week because i won't be done until after that week. so, unlucky number six. sscarrryy! i'm hoping it will be a good week. even though, my daughter has an appointment this afternoon because her throat is hurting. i'm hoping it is nothing serious.
let's see, what happened this week at del mar?
in government: the whole class pretty much bombed a test! my professor gave everyone a 14 point curve. if you ask me, it's pretty stupid. the test made absolutely no sense to any of us. and there were so many angry students afterwards that some walked out. the problem with the test was that it had a lot of trick questions. so then, it becomes not a test on what you know, but a test on finding out trick questions. for example, the one everyone got wrong: to be president a person must be 35 years old, born in the united states, and reside in the u.s.a. for 14 years. true or false? well, he got us on the technicality, 35 years old. a person must be at least 35 years old. so the answer is false. most people had true. the professor apologized for the test and so hopefully it will be better next time.
in western civilization: we learned about the bubonic plague, the 100 years war, the crusades, and many other things. life was miserable to say the least in that time period. oh, but a funny story i want to write about. we learned that when any thing went drastically wrong, the common theme was to find someone else to blame; usually it fell to a specific people, who were terrorized through pogroms and persecution. well, the whole class thought it unfair to blame others. but, the next thing i know is while i'm walking to the library, i suddenly begin to wonder where my not-so-cheap sunglasses went? i remember wearing them and then sliding them over my hair. but, what did i do with them afterwards? then i start retracing my steps. "hmm, when the young custodian asked me if he could throw away my empty salad tray, he must have taken them at that point," i thought. i was sure he had stolen my sunglasses! well, much to my humble pie suprise, i had left them at the speech office. we have not progressed one iota.
in writing about literature: we are wrapping up our poetry unit. on tuesday, one of the groups presented edgar allan poe. extremely weird and interesting poet. but, upon further inspection of the author, i think he would fit in nicely in present day america. every "artist" has an addiction, personality issues and what they would deem mental anguish.i took an in-class exam today in literature. goodness, me! i get in a high speed wobble and panic. but, other than a complete mess that i made with a soda, all over my papers, my ring, and my lucky watch that my husband gave me. i think i did fine. i stayed after class for about five minutes to finish and was in my second class by 11:01 a.m. my mistake was that if the professor asked for 2-3 elements, i should have gone with 2, and not 3. but, i think that it makes for a stronger paper. i will see how strong next week.
in history II: i took a test on tuesday and did well. i enjoy history, so it pretty much comes, maybe not easy, but with some sense of fulfillment. does that make any sense? i like to learn about u.s. history and most of the novels i read are historical dramas. the semester i took off, i read 1776, John Adams, From Beirut to Jerusalem and several others. sooner or later, i will have to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, i should be a history major and not an english major. but hey, David McCullough is an english major. there must be some relation there between history and english. one of my english professors had a minor in history.we are learning about the "Great Depression." our professor said that it was called great, not because it was good, but because it was so massive and encompassing. my overall feeling or understanding of the depression is that no one was paying attention to the underlying economic factors that had been taking place for years. i know today we get what we think is useless information. the unemployment rate, the housing market slowing, and consumer debt, but very few people (including myself) realize why those figures are tallied and their importance.
what i know:i had a red diamond (not blood diamond), after i spilled my red soda all over my desk.i've bought into the anti-aging propaganda. i bought a little cream that promises to make my "future perfect." doesn't that sound promising?
life comes at you hard and fast. get plenty of rest!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Research Papers, Yuk!!
i have two research papers to write and absolutely no desire to write them! desire is definitely lacking, but also the confidence i need to write them. as you can tell from the blog, i don't have a problem with writing (other than with commas!). what i mean is that i'm not afraid to write for literature or history. but "RESEARCH PAPER" sounds deadly to me. i was talking to one of my professors yesterday and he suggested that i look at it as a writing assignment. that sounds easier, right? yes, but i don't have a prompt. i'm crippled without a prompt. the sad truth, my friends, is that i need to be told what to do. Yes, i know that sounds pathetic, but that is the cold hard truth. left to my own devices, i usually don't do anything! weight loss? forget it. housework? just barely. jogging? i can't get started. the funny thing is that when i told my husband that i needed someone to tell me what to do, he replied in a stern voice, "I'll tell you what to do!" which is somehow funny and not funny coming from him.
back to the research papers. i read two women's blogs, one has received her doctoral degree and the other one is just about to receive it. i'm inspired by their achievements. i'm amazed by the sheer enormity of their feat. i would like to get a master's degree. somehow being afraid of research papers doesn't fit into that goal, huh? i will get through this, just like i got through writing my short story and writing my two original poems. i just need to believe in myself. which right about now, i can't seem to. :(i will let you all know...
posted by Patricia
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
what i learned/what i know 3/5-3/17there are so many things that i have learned; i'm excited about all of them. what an absolute nerd, right? i think because i'm in my umm, umm, thirties, i truly appreciate learning all these interesting things. which is sad because i'm the non-traditional college student and i feel like an old woman in my classes. i grieve for the lost time after high school that i didn't take advantage of and i feel overwhelmed with regret sometimes. but, i shake it off and thank God for the opportunity of today. (that is an entirely different post: the opportunity of today!)
o.k, so what i've learned:in government: i learned about how weak our texas governor is compared to other chief executives. i think that it's important to know because i'm a texan, and therefore should know how the government is run. another interesting thing is about all the boards and commissions in the state of texas. some are elected, ex officio and others are appointed by the governor. thus, when i read in the newspaper about all of the governor appointed members of the texas youth commission resigning, i once again felt educated on the article. i guess what i mean is that i'm rising above my previous ignorance. thank you, Jesus, thank you del mar.
in western civilization: i had a test and i did well. i was careful to answer all of the questions. my professor believes in essays and does not believe in multiple choice. i guess that is good because you have to know the material; but it's also harder. i had an essay question on the crisis of rome. i was able to regurgitate all of the main points. what is interesting about the roman crisis is that the all of their problems added up to their downfall. it wasn't one major blow, but a series of things. their borders being under constant attack, their currency devaluated, they had a trade deficit with the far east, their welfare system was a huge cost to the government. hmm, does that sound familiar?
in writing about literature: i have a great group! my professor set us up into groups at the beginning of the semester. at first i thought, "now wait just a minute, i'm not sure about this group thing" i remembered the little girl in ya-ya sisterhood movie, when young vivi takes out a knife so they can become the ya-ya's. i was mistaken, and we have done well. i think we all do our share of the work and work well together. we had a poetry presentation. alberto rios was one of our selections. he is a great writer and poet.
in history: i laughed out loud when my professor was explaining the end of wwi, armistice day. november 11, 1918 at 11:00 a.m. he then said, "you know what that means, nobody won, they just stopped fighting." at which point i let out a big laugh, and he turns to look at me as if saying, "is this funny to you?" so, i thought i should explain why i laughed. i said, "that sounds like my husband and i, we just stop fighting. nobody wins but we are tired of fighting so we just stop." and he says, "oh yeah, marriage is like that." even in war, there comes a time when you just have to stop fighting because it is clear that no one is going to win.
what i know: i'm still here. i'm trying to keep my chin up and get the job done. i enjoy going to school and learning. what is hard is trying to keep two little girls fed, clothed, clean, and entertained when i have two research papers looming. its hard to think of two research papers when i have clothes to wash, dinner to get started, and dishes to wash. so, it is housework versus homework. don't get me started. there is very little time left. after tomorrow it will be six weeks. i can't wait. i can't wait for this low-pitch nervous feeling in my stomach to go away.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Spring Break
well, i have been able to sleep in late, you would think that i'd be happy about that, right? i'm still feeling somewhat depressed and bummed out because i have not done what i've needed to do. the truth is that left to my own devices, i usually don't do anything. that has been the case this week. i have done two government outlines that i needed to do, read my history assignment for tuesday, but other than that, i haven't done much. i have two research papers to write that are due the 23rd and 26th of april. have i even bothered to start on them? NO! are you kidding me? i usually wait to the last minute and give myself about three or four heart attacks. really. i need a college coach. someone that will take me by the hand and say, "now little patricia, you must sit down and write. or else the big bad grade is going to get you." of course, the idea of a college coach is ridiculous! what i need is to grow up and get the job done. but, there are so many other things i want to doooo! nonetheless, i know deep down in my heart that what i really, really want to do is to earn a college degree and expand my intellect. i know that seems so corny, but i want to be well educated. that is one thing that i admire greatly. not so much celebrities, rich or famous people, but a smart and educated person, i think is to be greatly admired. that desire is what keeps me going. i have a very long way to go, but hopefully i will get there someday. so, i'm off to see the wonderful wizard of research papers! say a prayer for me!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
this week
well, i'm not as enthusiastic as i was last week. this week snailed along and its still dragging. i have been so out of focus. i think its because i have spring break on my mind. not that its going to be exciting, but because its not. i get to sleep in late, and clean my house. hooray! plus, i need to work on two of my research papers that are due in April. fun, fun, fun!
lets see, what did i learn this week?
government: the president can fire his cabinet members/directors at will. talk about job security...
western civilization: most civilizations, like the Greeks or the Romans, prospered under good rulers. Duh? i know that sounds stupid, but the problem was always with the successors to these good rulers. if it was by bloodline, well then, junior would be a complete imbecile or just plain insane and murderous. if the ruler did not have an immediate family member, then a struggle for power would ensue and it wasn't pretty. i guess what i mean is that power is intoxicating for some, which are the awful rulers, but others can harness it and do good. what would you do with power?
writing about literature: we are in the middle of a poetry section. (excuse me while i roll my eyes!) i like poetry, i just don't understand most of it. for example, sylvia plath, what was it with those blackberries? i have no idea. the worst part, is that i have to write two original poems. talk about being out of my element. i realize that poetry is a huge part of literature, but its a stretch for me. i'm not poetic at all.
history: my professor recommended the books, "The Guns of August," which i checked out and is very interesting. in the author's notes in the front of the book, she talks about how she had the idea for the book and how a publisher called her with the same idea. she writes that she felt kind of upset that some else had "her idea." i understand because sometimes we think that only we can "own" an idea. i guess that originality is not that original, huh?
what i know:as this semester drags on, i'm beginning to care less and less. which is not a good thing. i'm tired. i find myself leaving later and later to go drop off my daughter before i go to school. hopefully, spring break will help. i need to regroup and gather my wits about me.i need to get jogging! i can jog two miles as of right now. which is actually good, since it have not been jogging for several months. i need to add at least two and a half miles to that, so i can be ready for beach to bay iv. but, i still have march, april and may. i hope i'm o.k.there is only eight weeks of school left! i started a countdown when there was ten weeks. what was the song from Casablanca? As time goes by or something like that? i need to get a copy and start playing it, i'm sure that is just what i need.NOT!!!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
what i learned/what i know
i've been thinking of a sort of weekly post titled, "what i learned/what i know" a la Oprah! of course, i'm learning many different things, but i guess what i mean is what is the most interesting.
so here it goes, what i learned this past week 2/11-2/17
:in gov. i found it interesting that we had studied just this past week about the Sunset Advisory Commission in Texas and i read about it in the newspaper on sunday. what it is, "a body that periodically evaluates most government agencies and departments." why do i even blog about it? i guess because for once i actually felt somewhat educated on the "political issue." knowledge is somewhat empowering.
in western civ., this is kind of ridiculous, i learned that the "patricians" were the nobility in Roman times. this is a completely self-serving tidbit because patricia is my middle name. if i remember correctly my first name, martha, means "lady." so if you put it together, "noble lady." stupid, yes, but very gratifying for some dumb reason.and another thing i learned in west. civ. is READ THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE TEST VERY CAREFULLY!!!! i completely either ignored, or forgot to answer a fifth i.d., and lost an automatic 8 points. completely stupid!!!!
in writing about lit. we read john steinbeck's chrysanthemums, what can i say? the man's a master. i'm trying to finish my short story (the one that is not short enough) and i'm almost done.
in history II: the settlement house movement was started by jane addams (hull house in chicago) when she was 20! some people (like me) say, "i can't do it!" others say, "watch me do it!" amazing!!tuesday's and thursdays are my favorite days because i love history and english. it does my soul good to learn.
so..., i've never thanked my husband in previous posts, but thanks for making it happen.
what i know:if i'm cranky, its because i haven't slept since school started.
if i'm tired, its because i haven't slept since school started.
if i'm getting more wrinkles, its because i haven't slept since school started.
do you see the emerging pattern in my sentence structure?
which by the way, i need serious help with commas, comma splices, etc.
which leads me to my last remark:there is still a lot of things, i don't know!
i can begin with commas.
running away from my worries
i need to run away! i use to run all the time, but now i don't. i have ran beach to bay every year since i moved to corpus christi (a small personal tradition). here we are in february and may is just around the corner. i haven't ran in MONTHS! it's been so long, i can't even remember the last time i ran. but run I MUST!!!i know that it helps my stress and definitely my weight. i just don't have time. these shorten daylight hours make for shorter evenings, which mean that by the time my hubby gets home, its dark. and i refuse to run in the dark. there might not be much to a full time mom, full time student, but i want to keep what i have safe. so, this is what i'm going to do. i'm going to get one of those cute little prospectus bars that olga has on her website to track my running progress. hopefully, that will motivate me.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Count your blessings, twice
a funny thing happened after my last post, my life got harder! hard to imagine, i know. but, my little girl got pink eye and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. i was bawling this morning in front of my four year old. and in truth, she started it. when i told her it was time to take her medicine she starts whining, "i don't want to take that ..." of course, all of my suppressed feelings and mental anguish that i'm under comes gushing out like a garden hose that has been knotted up and i lost it. "i have to go to schooool today," i start sobbing. "i don't have time for this, i have a test in western civilization (like she knows what that means) and i can't miss it. i'm late. i need to run by the post office this morning..." she just stared at me like what is going on? are you still the mommy or am I the mommy all of a sudden? Who is the child? that is how i started off my day!last friday, the nice people at her preschool were kind enough to send a flyer home informing the parents of the first case of pink eye. fortunately for me, it was in the four year old classroom. sunday, my husband keeps telling me that her eyes look glassy. i dismiss it as maybe a minor, maybe even minute cold. well, monday morning i'm trying to get everyone out the door by 7:30, because i have an appointment at the writing center (to beg for help with my short story). the first thing my four year old says, "that light is too bright." which is one of the symptoms of pink-eye according to the nice handout i received. and guess what happened next. I get her to wash her beautiful little round face and ...the corner of her eyes are the prettiest shade of pink i've ever seen! As super duper mom, i spring into action and freak out! what am i suppose to do? i suddenly realize that i can't take her to school, even though that is EXACTLY where she picked it up. i can't miss my western civilization class because i will have a test on wednesday. i try to call my babysitter and she's changed her cellphone number. I run around panicking and praying and hoping against all hope that my husband can come home. i call him, he agrees, and i lived, not only to fight another day, but also to write about it.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
biting off more than i can chew
i've realized that the inherent risk of biting off more than you can chew is CHOKING! Or better yet, DYING! which is what i'm doing right about now. i don't know what i was thinking signing up for four classes. Four classes? sure, I'm super duper mom! or is that super stupor mom? i gathered three of my syllabus and wrote down the test dates in my handy dandy pink planner. pink, i know, cute. and guess what? i have one test after another in those three classes. thankfully, they are one week apart, so I only have to worry about one test a week. Hooray!? should i be happy about that? i don't know. what i do know is that i still have my writing about lit class to worry about. Calgon, or anybody, or anything take me away...please. i keep repeating to myself like a mantra: february, march, april, and just a little bit of May. on the upside, february is a short month. i don't think i've ever cared about that, but now i do. i'm working on a short story for my lit class. unfortunately, it is not short enough. my professor wants ten pages. it should be easy for me to ramble for ten pages, but it's not. especially, if its for a grade. i'll let you know how it goes. Sandra Cisneros or Julia Alvarez, I'm not. all i can really say is that i'm learning. learning how to write, but more importantly how to write with meaning. and i desperately want to learn how to write like that.posted by Patricia 9:04 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Spring has Sprung! (Almost anyways!)
Well, today is Sunday and school starts on Tuesday. Is it me or does it seem odd or rather ominous that it is going to be bone cold on our first day back at school? It is almost like the weather is conspiring against us, and the winds of unfortunate change will begin to blow. Hmmm, perhaps my last sentence was a little dramatic and totally unfounded. Yet, I can't help but feel nervous and apprehensive about what this semester will bring. Four classes is a lot for me to fathom. I know what to expect in my history class because I have had this professor before for my first history. Western Civilization sounds promising because I would like to learn about it. I'm ignorant of pretty much all of it, so its a good thing I signed up, huh? Plus I heard the professor assigns essays, which I feel comfortable writing. In another course I took, the professor would ask for 14 lines of response on the test and I always typed about a page and a half, gabby I know. American Government II is with a different professor, but hopefully fair. I think that is what I would hope for: do the work and get the grade. Not, if I like you, you will do good. However, the big challenge for me will be Writing about Literature. That baby will need a different name, something that will invoke all of my hideous fears, doubts, and terrors. This class is either going to make me or break me as a writer. Therefore, I'm sure I will go to the Writing Center (which by the way I think everyone should go), email the online tutor and most definitely beg Laurie for help!So, what classes are you all taking? Hopefully, I can get some other moms in my classes to blog. That way I can have someone to chat with online about the class. Well, my dear blog reader, good luck with all of your endeavors this semester, whatever classes you take.Stay warm and I'll see you on Tuesday. I'll be the one wearing the Russian style hat, it kinda looks like Davy Crockett's. But, my mother gave it to me and by golly, I'm wearing it! I'm a South Texas girl and water runs through my veins; I'm sure it will be freezing.posted by Patricia 9:40 PM
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
So long Fall 2006!
As you might or might not know, there is only about two weeks left in the Fall 2006 semester. Time sure flies, (even when you are not having fun) and finals seem closer and scarier than I'd like to admit. Are you all ready for finals? I'm nervous about my government final because I'm suppose to remember things from several months ago. I can't remember things from this morning, much less a couple of months ago. My British literature exam will probably be a take home exam. Therefore, I will be in a mad hobble/wobble trying to write the weekend before it is due. I usually ask my husband to take the girls out, so I can work without being asked for juice, something to eat, or be referee in their arguments.
I realize I struggled all semester with my literature papers because I forgot that the writing process is very lengthy for me. I somehow thought that I could sit down and type out an "A" paper on my first run. In my first two English classes, I would have to turn in a rough draft and had peer review days. Well, I guess I'm suppose to be a more responsible and mature writer, but I think I need to be held by the hand. O.K. little Patricia, today you will do this, and tomorrow you will do that. Left to my own devices, I usually run around like a chicken without a head. I write all of this because guess what? I'm taking another literature class in the Spring and probably many, many more since I'm an English major. Therefore, I need to get the process down. I need the rough drafts, the writing center tutors, and definitely time for proofreading! Most of my mistakes were grammar or punctuation, very simple ones I could have caught had I proofread. For example, on one paper I wrote "with out." Huh? Duh? Everyone knows that it is "without." A mistake so simple and so stupid! Do you see why I need to proofread?Anyways, I've gone on my little tirade probably to long. I hope your final exams will be easy and done with soon. I know that's what I'm hoping for my exams!posted by Patricia 7:34 AM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Spring 2007
Hi,Have you all registered for Spring 2007? I have and I'm taking the plunge and enrolling for 12 hours. I have only taken 6 hours up until now. But, I have finally realized that if I keep up that pace, I will never finish! So, here I go. Daycare is an issue. My youngest daughter is not in kinder, yet. However, we will see how it goes. God willing all of us in my little family will be alright. How many classes do you all take? I'm curious to see how other moms juggle school and family.On another note, have you all gone to see an advisor? I went last Monday and was suprised/saddened/upset to find out that two of my literature classes will not transfer to Texas A&M Corpus Christi. The literature classes they(A&M CC) want for an English Major are: World Literature and Writing about Literature. I have taken American Literature and currently taking British Literature. My point is that it is very important to see an advisor. I was only following the degree plan in the Del Mar catalog. I have come to find out that the degree plans in the catalog are "generic plans." Therefore, I encourage you to see an advisor to find out if the classes you are taking will transfer (if you are transferring) to the university you will be attending after Del Mar.Well, please feel free to post comments on this blog. Thanksposted by Patricia 6:22 AM
Friday, November 10, 2006
Calling all moms at Del Mar!
Hi,My name is Martha and I'm a student at Del Mar College in Corpus Christi, Texas. I have often thought of having a blog for Moms at Del Mar. I don't think there is one in the blogosphere. So, here I go!As a mom trying to get the kids and myself off to school, I know how hard it can be. Trying to do good at school, while also helping your kids do good in school can be tough on a mama; not to mention, working outside of the home. This blog is dedicated to all the moms at Del Mar. I would like to encourage and receive encouragement to continue studying. We should not lose focus of our families. However,we should also remember that we study for our families, and a better future for us and them. So, feel free to comment on college, kids school, kids, professors, working, working out (which I seldom do now) education plans, courses, whatever you need help with. If I can't offer an answer, at least I can hear or in this case read your question, and offer support.So let's begin to accomplish our goals together! Some will finish before me, I won't graduate from Del Mar until Spring 2008. But, until then, I will be here.Thanks for reading!posted by Patricia 7:11 PM
Continua
Done with six!Well, week six has come and gone. I'm grateful for it being over. As I write, I have a mild headache. My girlies are off tomorrow, so we can all sleep in just a little late. This week was a mixed bag. I didn't get any grades back (that can be a good thing sometimes!), but I feel so behind. I did manage to get a working rough draft on my government research paper. Hooray for me!! (I think I can, I think I can...)
O.K. so lets have it out:
In government: Class was cancelled on Monday. Instead I worked on a literature paper. On Wednesday, we turned in an elected leaders list. I don't know how I did on that, but I tried my best.
In Western Civilization: We learned about the powerful families that ran the Italian city-states, like Venice, Florence, and the Papal States. Some were the Medicis, Sforzas, etc. I asked my professor if these families were like the mob. I think the question caught him off guard. He thought about it and said, "Yeah, but they were legal." A legal mob? I've never heard of such a thing!
In Writing about Literature: On the in-class essay, I think I got a good grade. We didn't get out papers back, so I don't know what were my mistakes. But, I do know that I want to learn from them. I keep trying to learn about commas; somehow I still don't get them. I watched for the second time the Emily Dickinson film for the English Department. Dickinson is very complex and challenging. I like some of her poetry, I just don't understand her life. What did it stand for? Did it stand for being alone? Isolated? I understand that she liked to write her poetry and was a genius. But, other than that, I don't think we should live and die for ourselves. I think we should live for others (God and family).
History: We studied the "New Deal." And my assessment is that the New Deal was a big deal and still is today. The government stepped in, took control of the situation and never looked back. Was it necessary? Absolutely. Did it make us more dependent on government? Definitely. Can we go back and change it? Never.
What I know:I know that I'm semi-stressed. I say semi because I'm almost done with one research paper. I just need to polish it. The other one? Dear Lord Jesus help me!! The rough draft is due on Wednesday and I haven't even begun to write. Sounds like Patrick Henry, huh? I know I can get it done, but it will take hard work over the weekend. I have online discussions to write and western civilization study sheets to prepare.
I know that I am who I am because of Jesus. Not only did he make me, but he blessed me with what I have today. My struggles are His struggles. I don't struggle alone. I sincerely believe that he has called me according to His purposes. My husband, my girls, my family, and my life are gifts from Him. I don't question God because I think it would be wrong to question Him. I don't question God because I know that He is right. Sometimes I see professors or others trying to fit God into their intellect. As if God could fit in such a tiny space! What I do know is that the peace of God surpasses all understanding. And that my friends is the peace that I need.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Week in Review
i'm so glad this week is over, but i still have six more to go. i count finals week because i won't be done until after that week. so, unlucky number six. sscarrryy! i'm hoping it will be a good week. even though, my daughter has an appointment this afternoon because her throat is hurting. i'm hoping it is nothing serious.
let's see, what happened this week at del mar?
in government: the whole class pretty much bombed a test! my professor gave everyone a 14 point curve. if you ask me, it's pretty stupid. the test made absolutely no sense to any of us. and there were so many angry students afterwards that some walked out. the problem with the test was that it had a lot of trick questions. so then, it becomes not a test on what you know, but a test on finding out trick questions. for example, the one everyone got wrong: to be president a person must be 35 years old, born in the united states, and reside in the u.s.a. for 14 years. true or false? well, he got us on the technicality, 35 years old. a person must be at least 35 years old. so the answer is false. most people had true. the professor apologized for the test and so hopefully it will be better next time.
in western civilization: we learned about the bubonic plague, the 100 years war, the crusades, and many other things. life was miserable to say the least in that time period. oh, but a funny story i want to write about. we learned that when any thing went drastically wrong, the common theme was to find someone else to blame; usually it fell to a specific people, who were terrorized through pogroms and persecution. well, the whole class thought it unfair to blame others. but, the next thing i know is while i'm walking to the library, i suddenly begin to wonder where my not-so-cheap sunglasses went? i remember wearing them and then sliding them over my hair. but, what did i do with them afterwards? then i start retracing my steps. "hmm, when the young custodian asked me if he could throw away my empty salad tray, he must have taken them at that point," i thought. i was sure he had stolen my sunglasses! well, much to my humble pie suprise, i had left them at the speech office. we have not progressed one iota.
in writing about literature: we are wrapping up our poetry unit. on tuesday, one of the groups presented edgar allan poe. extremely weird and interesting poet. but, upon further inspection of the author, i think he would fit in nicely in present day america. every "artist" has an addiction, personality issues and what they would deem mental anguish.i took an in-class exam today in literature. goodness, me! i get in a high speed wobble and panic. but, other than a complete mess that i made with a soda, all over my papers, my ring, and my lucky watch that my husband gave me. i think i did fine. i stayed after class for about five minutes to finish and was in my second class by 11:01 a.m. my mistake was that if the professor asked for 2-3 elements, i should have gone with 2, and not 3. but, i think that it makes for a stronger paper. i will see how strong next week.
in history II: i took a test on tuesday and did well. i enjoy history, so it pretty much comes, maybe not easy, but with some sense of fulfillment. does that make any sense? i like to learn about u.s. history and most of the novels i read are historical dramas. the semester i took off, i read 1776, John Adams, From Beirut to Jerusalem and several others. sooner or later, i will have to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, i should be a history major and not an english major. but hey, David McCullough is an english major. there must be some relation there between history and english. one of my english professors had a minor in history.we are learning about the "Great Depression." our professor said that it was called great, not because it was good, but because it was so massive and encompassing. my overall feeling or understanding of the depression is that no one was paying attention to the underlying economic factors that had been taking place for years. i know today we get what we think is useless information. the unemployment rate, the housing market slowing, and consumer debt, but very few people (including myself) realize why those figures are tallied and their importance.
what i know:i had a red diamond (not blood diamond), after i spilled my red soda all over my desk.i've bought into the anti-aging propaganda. i bought a little cream that promises to make my "future perfect." doesn't that sound promising?
life comes at you hard and fast. get plenty of rest!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Research Papers, Yuk!!
i have two research papers to write and absolutely no desire to write them! desire is definitely lacking, but also the confidence i need to write them. as you can tell from the blog, i don't have a problem with writing (other than with commas!). what i mean is that i'm not afraid to write for literature or history. but "RESEARCH PAPER" sounds deadly to me. i was talking to one of my professors yesterday and he suggested that i look at it as a writing assignment. that sounds easier, right? yes, but i don't have a prompt. i'm crippled without a prompt. the sad truth, my friends, is that i need to be told what to do. Yes, i know that sounds pathetic, but that is the cold hard truth. left to my own devices, i usually don't do anything! weight loss? forget it. housework? just barely. jogging? i can't get started. the funny thing is that when i told my husband that i needed someone to tell me what to do, he replied in a stern voice, "I'll tell you what to do!" which is somehow funny and not funny coming from him.
back to the research papers. i read two women's blogs, one has received her doctoral degree and the other one is just about to receive it. i'm inspired by their achievements. i'm amazed by the sheer enormity of their feat. i would like to get a master's degree. somehow being afraid of research papers doesn't fit into that goal, huh? i will get through this, just like i got through writing my short story and writing my two original poems. i just need to believe in myself. which right about now, i can't seem to. :(i will let you all know...
posted by Patricia
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
what i learned/what i know 3/5-3/17there are so many things that i have learned; i'm excited about all of them. what an absolute nerd, right? i think because i'm in my umm, umm, thirties, i truly appreciate learning all these interesting things. which is sad because i'm the non-traditional college student and i feel like an old woman in my classes. i grieve for the lost time after high school that i didn't take advantage of and i feel overwhelmed with regret sometimes. but, i shake it off and thank God for the opportunity of today. (that is an entirely different post: the opportunity of today!)
o.k, so what i've learned:in government: i learned about how weak our texas governor is compared to other chief executives. i think that it's important to know because i'm a texan, and therefore should know how the government is run. another interesting thing is about all the boards and commissions in the state of texas. some are elected, ex officio and others are appointed by the governor. thus, when i read in the newspaper about all of the governor appointed members of the texas youth commission resigning, i once again felt educated on the article. i guess what i mean is that i'm rising above my previous ignorance. thank you, Jesus, thank you del mar.
in western civilization: i had a test and i did well. i was careful to answer all of the questions. my professor believes in essays and does not believe in multiple choice. i guess that is good because you have to know the material; but it's also harder. i had an essay question on the crisis of rome. i was able to regurgitate all of the main points. what is interesting about the roman crisis is that the all of their problems added up to their downfall. it wasn't one major blow, but a series of things. their borders being under constant attack, their currency devaluated, they had a trade deficit with the far east, their welfare system was a huge cost to the government. hmm, does that sound familiar?
in writing about literature: i have a great group! my professor set us up into groups at the beginning of the semester. at first i thought, "now wait just a minute, i'm not sure about this group thing" i remembered the little girl in ya-ya sisterhood movie, when young vivi takes out a knife so they can become the ya-ya's. i was mistaken, and we have done well. i think we all do our share of the work and work well together. we had a poetry presentation. alberto rios was one of our selections. he is a great writer and poet.
in history: i laughed out loud when my professor was explaining the end of wwi, armistice day. november 11, 1918 at 11:00 a.m. he then said, "you know what that means, nobody won, they just stopped fighting." at which point i let out a big laugh, and he turns to look at me as if saying, "is this funny to you?" so, i thought i should explain why i laughed. i said, "that sounds like my husband and i, we just stop fighting. nobody wins but we are tired of fighting so we just stop." and he says, "oh yeah, marriage is like that." even in war, there comes a time when you just have to stop fighting because it is clear that no one is going to win.
what i know: i'm still here. i'm trying to keep my chin up and get the job done. i enjoy going to school and learning. what is hard is trying to keep two little girls fed, clothed, clean, and entertained when i have two research papers looming. its hard to think of two research papers when i have clothes to wash, dinner to get started, and dishes to wash. so, it is housework versus homework. don't get me started. there is very little time left. after tomorrow it will be six weeks. i can't wait. i can't wait for this low-pitch nervous feeling in my stomach to go away.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Spring Break
well, i have been able to sleep in late, you would think that i'd be happy about that, right? i'm still feeling somewhat depressed and bummed out because i have not done what i've needed to do. the truth is that left to my own devices, i usually don't do anything. that has been the case this week. i have done two government outlines that i needed to do, read my history assignment for tuesday, but other than that, i haven't done much. i have two research papers to write that are due the 23rd and 26th of april. have i even bothered to start on them? NO! are you kidding me? i usually wait to the last minute and give myself about three or four heart attacks. really. i need a college coach. someone that will take me by the hand and say, "now little patricia, you must sit down and write. or else the big bad grade is going to get you." of course, the idea of a college coach is ridiculous! what i need is to grow up and get the job done. but, there are so many other things i want to doooo! nonetheless, i know deep down in my heart that what i really, really want to do is to earn a college degree and expand my intellect. i know that seems so corny, but i want to be well educated. that is one thing that i admire greatly. not so much celebrities, rich or famous people, but a smart and educated person, i think is to be greatly admired. that desire is what keeps me going. i have a very long way to go, but hopefully i will get there someday. so, i'm off to see the wonderful wizard of research papers! say a prayer for me!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
this week
well, i'm not as enthusiastic as i was last week. this week snailed along and its still dragging. i have been so out of focus. i think its because i have spring break on my mind. not that its going to be exciting, but because its not. i get to sleep in late, and clean my house. hooray! plus, i need to work on two of my research papers that are due in April. fun, fun, fun!
lets see, what did i learn this week?
government: the president can fire his cabinet members/directors at will. talk about job security...
western civilization: most civilizations, like the Greeks or the Romans, prospered under good rulers. Duh? i know that sounds stupid, but the problem was always with the successors to these good rulers. if it was by bloodline, well then, junior would be a complete imbecile or just plain insane and murderous. if the ruler did not have an immediate family member, then a struggle for power would ensue and it wasn't pretty. i guess what i mean is that power is intoxicating for some, which are the awful rulers, but others can harness it and do good. what would you do with power?
writing about literature: we are in the middle of a poetry section. (excuse me while i roll my eyes!) i like poetry, i just don't understand most of it. for example, sylvia plath, what was it with those blackberries? i have no idea. the worst part, is that i have to write two original poems. talk about being out of my element. i realize that poetry is a huge part of literature, but its a stretch for me. i'm not poetic at all.
history: my professor recommended the books, "The Guns of August," which i checked out and is very interesting. in the author's notes in the front of the book, she talks about how she had the idea for the book and how a publisher called her with the same idea. she writes that she felt kind of upset that some else had "her idea." i understand because sometimes we think that only we can "own" an idea. i guess that originality is not that original, huh?
what i know:as this semester drags on, i'm beginning to care less and less. which is not a good thing. i'm tired. i find myself leaving later and later to go drop off my daughter before i go to school. hopefully, spring break will help. i need to regroup and gather my wits about me.i need to get jogging! i can jog two miles as of right now. which is actually good, since it have not been jogging for several months. i need to add at least two and a half miles to that, so i can be ready for beach to bay iv. but, i still have march, april and may. i hope i'm o.k.there is only eight weeks of school left! i started a countdown when there was ten weeks. what was the song from Casablanca? As time goes by or something like that? i need to get a copy and start playing it, i'm sure that is just what i need.NOT!!!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
what i learned/what i know
i've been thinking of a sort of weekly post titled, "what i learned/what i know" a la Oprah! of course, i'm learning many different things, but i guess what i mean is what is the most interesting.
so here it goes, what i learned this past week 2/11-2/17
:in gov. i found it interesting that we had studied just this past week about the Sunset Advisory Commission in Texas and i read about it in the newspaper on sunday. what it is, "a body that periodically evaluates most government agencies and departments." why do i even blog about it? i guess because for once i actually felt somewhat educated on the "political issue." knowledge is somewhat empowering.
in western civ., this is kind of ridiculous, i learned that the "patricians" were the nobility in Roman times. this is a completely self-serving tidbit because patricia is my middle name. if i remember correctly my first name, martha, means "lady." so if you put it together, "noble lady." stupid, yes, but very gratifying for some dumb reason.and another thing i learned in west. civ. is READ THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE TEST VERY CAREFULLY!!!! i completely either ignored, or forgot to answer a fifth i.d., and lost an automatic 8 points. completely stupid!!!!
in writing about lit. we read john steinbeck's chrysanthemums, what can i say? the man's a master. i'm trying to finish my short story (the one that is not short enough) and i'm almost done.
in history II: the settlement house movement was started by jane addams (hull house in chicago) when she was 20! some people (like me) say, "i can't do it!" others say, "watch me do it!" amazing!!tuesday's and thursdays are my favorite days because i love history and english. it does my soul good to learn.
so..., i've never thanked my husband in previous posts, but thanks for making it happen.
what i know:if i'm cranky, its because i haven't slept since school started.
if i'm tired, its because i haven't slept since school started.
if i'm getting more wrinkles, its because i haven't slept since school started.
do you see the emerging pattern in my sentence structure?
which by the way, i need serious help with commas, comma splices, etc.
which leads me to my last remark:there is still a lot of things, i don't know!
i can begin with commas.
running away from my worries
i need to run away! i use to run all the time, but now i don't. i have ran beach to bay every year since i moved to corpus christi (a small personal tradition). here we are in february and may is just around the corner. i haven't ran in MONTHS! it's been so long, i can't even remember the last time i ran. but run I MUST!!!i know that it helps my stress and definitely my weight. i just don't have time. these shorten daylight hours make for shorter evenings, which mean that by the time my hubby gets home, its dark. and i refuse to run in the dark. there might not be much to a full time mom, full time student, but i want to keep what i have safe. so, this is what i'm going to do. i'm going to get one of those cute little prospectus bars that olga has on her website to track my running progress. hopefully, that will motivate me.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Count your blessings, twice
a funny thing happened after my last post, my life got harder! hard to imagine, i know. but, my little girl got pink eye and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. i was bawling this morning in front of my four year old. and in truth, she started it. when i told her it was time to take her medicine she starts whining, "i don't want to take that ..." of course, all of my suppressed feelings and mental anguish that i'm under comes gushing out like a garden hose that has been knotted up and i lost it. "i have to go to schooool today," i start sobbing. "i don't have time for this, i have a test in western civilization (like she knows what that means) and i can't miss it. i'm late. i need to run by the post office this morning..." she just stared at me like what is going on? are you still the mommy or am I the mommy all of a sudden? Who is the child? that is how i started off my day!last friday, the nice people at her preschool were kind enough to send a flyer home informing the parents of the first case of pink eye. fortunately for me, it was in the four year old classroom. sunday, my husband keeps telling me that her eyes look glassy. i dismiss it as maybe a minor, maybe even minute cold. well, monday morning i'm trying to get everyone out the door by 7:30, because i have an appointment at the writing center (to beg for help with my short story). the first thing my four year old says, "that light is too bright." which is one of the symptoms of pink-eye according to the nice handout i received. and guess what happened next. I get her to wash her beautiful little round face and ...the corner of her eyes are the prettiest shade of pink i've ever seen! As super duper mom, i spring into action and freak out! what am i suppose to do? i suddenly realize that i can't take her to school, even though that is EXACTLY where she picked it up. i can't miss my western civilization class because i will have a test on wednesday. i try to call my babysitter and she's changed her cellphone number. I run around panicking and praying and hoping against all hope that my husband can come home. i call him, he agrees, and i lived, not only to fight another day, but also to write about it.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
biting off more than i can chew
i've realized that the inherent risk of biting off more than you can chew is CHOKING! Or better yet, DYING! which is what i'm doing right about now. i don't know what i was thinking signing up for four classes. Four classes? sure, I'm super duper mom! or is that super stupor mom? i gathered three of my syllabus and wrote down the test dates in my handy dandy pink planner. pink, i know, cute. and guess what? i have one test after another in those three classes. thankfully, they are one week apart, so I only have to worry about one test a week. Hooray!? should i be happy about that? i don't know. what i do know is that i still have my writing about lit class to worry about. Calgon, or anybody, or anything take me away...please. i keep repeating to myself like a mantra: february, march, april, and just a little bit of May. on the upside, february is a short month. i don't think i've ever cared about that, but now i do. i'm working on a short story for my lit class. unfortunately, it is not short enough. my professor wants ten pages. it should be easy for me to ramble for ten pages, but it's not. especially, if its for a grade. i'll let you know how it goes. Sandra Cisneros or Julia Alvarez, I'm not. all i can really say is that i'm learning. learning how to write, but more importantly how to write with meaning. and i desperately want to learn how to write like that.posted by Patricia 9:04 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Spring has Sprung! (Almost anyways!)
Well, today is Sunday and school starts on Tuesday. Is it me or does it seem odd or rather ominous that it is going to be bone cold on our first day back at school? It is almost like the weather is conspiring against us, and the winds of unfortunate change will begin to blow. Hmmm, perhaps my last sentence was a little dramatic and totally unfounded. Yet, I can't help but feel nervous and apprehensive about what this semester will bring. Four classes is a lot for me to fathom. I know what to expect in my history class because I have had this professor before for my first history. Western Civilization sounds promising because I would like to learn about it. I'm ignorant of pretty much all of it, so its a good thing I signed up, huh? Plus I heard the professor assigns essays, which I feel comfortable writing. In another course I took, the professor would ask for 14 lines of response on the test and I always typed about a page and a half, gabby I know. American Government II is with a different professor, but hopefully fair. I think that is what I would hope for: do the work and get the grade. Not, if I like you, you will do good. However, the big challenge for me will be Writing about Literature. That baby will need a different name, something that will invoke all of my hideous fears, doubts, and terrors. This class is either going to make me or break me as a writer. Therefore, I'm sure I will go to the Writing Center (which by the way I think everyone should go), email the online tutor and most definitely beg Laurie for help!So, what classes are you all taking? Hopefully, I can get some other moms in my classes to blog. That way I can have someone to chat with online about the class. Well, my dear blog reader, good luck with all of your endeavors this semester, whatever classes you take.Stay warm and I'll see you on Tuesday. I'll be the one wearing the Russian style hat, it kinda looks like Davy Crockett's. But, my mother gave it to me and by golly, I'm wearing it! I'm a South Texas girl and water runs through my veins; I'm sure it will be freezing.posted by Patricia 9:40 PM
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
So long Fall 2006!
As you might or might not know, there is only about two weeks left in the Fall 2006 semester. Time sure flies, (even when you are not having fun) and finals seem closer and scarier than I'd like to admit. Are you all ready for finals? I'm nervous about my government final because I'm suppose to remember things from several months ago. I can't remember things from this morning, much less a couple of months ago. My British literature exam will probably be a take home exam. Therefore, I will be in a mad hobble/wobble trying to write the weekend before it is due. I usually ask my husband to take the girls out, so I can work without being asked for juice, something to eat, or be referee in their arguments.
I realize I struggled all semester with my literature papers because I forgot that the writing process is very lengthy for me. I somehow thought that I could sit down and type out an "A" paper on my first run. In my first two English classes, I would have to turn in a rough draft and had peer review days. Well, I guess I'm suppose to be a more responsible and mature writer, but I think I need to be held by the hand. O.K. little Patricia, today you will do this, and tomorrow you will do that. Left to my own devices, I usually run around like a chicken without a head. I write all of this because guess what? I'm taking another literature class in the Spring and probably many, many more since I'm an English major. Therefore, I need to get the process down. I need the rough drafts, the writing center tutors, and definitely time for proofreading! Most of my mistakes were grammar or punctuation, very simple ones I could have caught had I proofread. For example, on one paper I wrote "with out." Huh? Duh? Everyone knows that it is "without." A mistake so simple and so stupid! Do you see why I need to proofread?Anyways, I've gone on my little tirade probably to long. I hope your final exams will be easy and done with soon. I know that's what I'm hoping for my exams!posted by Patricia 7:34 AM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Spring 2007
Hi,Have you all registered for Spring 2007? I have and I'm taking the plunge and enrolling for 12 hours. I have only taken 6 hours up until now. But, I have finally realized that if I keep up that pace, I will never finish! So, here I go. Daycare is an issue. My youngest daughter is not in kinder, yet. However, we will see how it goes. God willing all of us in my little family will be alright. How many classes do you all take? I'm curious to see how other moms juggle school and family.On another note, have you all gone to see an advisor? I went last Monday and was suprised/saddened/upset to find out that two of my literature classes will not transfer to Texas A&M Corpus Christi. The literature classes they(A&M CC) want for an English Major are: World Literature and Writing about Literature. I have taken American Literature and currently taking British Literature. My point is that it is very important to see an advisor. I was only following the degree plan in the Del Mar catalog. I have come to find out that the degree plans in the catalog are "generic plans." Therefore, I encourage you to see an advisor to find out if the classes you are taking will transfer (if you are transferring) to the university you will be attending after Del Mar.Well, please feel free to post comments on this blog. Thanksposted by Patricia 6:22 AM
Friday, November 10, 2006
Calling all moms at Del Mar!
Hi,My name is Martha and I'm a student at Del Mar College in Corpus Christi, Texas. I have often thought of having a blog for Moms at Del Mar. I don't think there is one in the blogosphere. So, here I go!As a mom trying to get the kids and myself off to school, I know how hard it can be. Trying to do good at school, while also helping your kids do good in school can be tough on a mama; not to mention, working outside of the home. This blog is dedicated to all the moms at Del Mar. I would like to encourage and receive encouragement to continue studying. We should not lose focus of our families. However,we should also remember that we study for our families, and a better future for us and them. So, feel free to comment on college, kids school, kids, professors, working, working out (which I seldom do now) education plans, courses, whatever you need help with. If I can't offer an answer, at least I can hear or in this case read your question, and offer support.So let's begin to accomplish our goals together! Some will finish before me, I won't graduate from Del Mar until Spring 2008. But, until then, I will be here.Thanks for reading!posted by Patricia 7:11 PM
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
gee-whiz, lighten up!
i was re-reading some of my post, and oh my goodness, such tragedy, such drama! i think i need to go back and delete some of my more dramatic end-of-the-world posts. drama, drama, drama. i'm really a light-hearted kind of girl, but as my blog shows, i tend to lean towards drama. i'll be alright, though.
That's a Wrap
Today was the last day of classes for Spring 2007. I can't believe it!! I'm finished (sort of, I still have finals until Tuesday). My anxiety has not gone away. I have not received my research papers, although I did receive my one-act play and my poems. I did well with both.
But, I'm still nervous. Dear Lord Jesus, when will it be over? I have a total of four final exams; my first one is tomorrow, two on Monday, and one on Tuesday. History will be first, followed by government, western civilization and culminating in Writing about Lit.
I will let you all know how it goes.
my favorite part of the story...
the man looking nervously at her: you look so beautiful today...
the woman laughing embarrassingly: ...with my little girl sac a dos?
*****
such a beautiful gift; right in time for Valentine's day
But, I'm still nervous. Dear Lord Jesus, when will it be over? I have a total of four final exams; my first one is tomorrow, two on Monday, and one on Tuesday. History will be first, followed by government, western civilization and culminating in Writing about Lit.
I will let you all know how it goes.
my favorite part of the story...
the man looking nervously at her: you look so beautiful today...
the woman laughing embarrassingly: ...with my little girl sac a dos?
*****
such a beautiful gift; right in time for Valentine's day
Saturday, April 28, 2007
esta semana
this week was an uproar! i had so many things due, but thank God i got through all of them.
i have been so stressed out and bummed out. i was thinking that, maybe, i will feel better if i write about them.
why i'm bummed out:
i don't know what kind of grade i will end up with in government. i am usually a very good student, but my government class has fallen by the wayside. i've been so busy with my other three classes that i haven't paid attention to assignment due dates. all i know is that this torture will be over soon.
yet another source of anxiety is my lit. test i turned in on thursday. i usually have rough drafts for my professor to look over. but, i was so busy with everything else that i didn't have the rough draft and so we will see how it goes. also, i turned in my one-act play on thursday. i didn't get to ask mrs. s-- about periods inside the brackets. i know that if it is a complete sentence inside the brackets, it definitely needs a period. but, what about when its not? i don't know.
i presented my history project on thursday. that didn't go like i had planned. i don't know what grade i will get on that either.
i'm waiting for both of my research papers to be returned. i don't know if i will get them back on monday. i have to wait and see. i think that is what is killing me, this whole wait and see business.
my house is a mess, and i need to start cleaning it.
my weight is spiraling out of control, and i need to start maintaining it.
i still haven't figured out commas, but i'm trying.
i haven't kept the books, and i need to start keeping them.
i have insomnia because of so many things i have to worry about.
i can't wait for may 15, when i will know all that i need to know. (maybe not all, but at least how i did this semester.)
i have been so stressed out and bummed out. i was thinking that, maybe, i will feel better if i write about them.
why i'm bummed out:
i don't know what kind of grade i will end up with in government. i am usually a very good student, but my government class has fallen by the wayside. i've been so busy with my other three classes that i haven't paid attention to assignment due dates. all i know is that this torture will be over soon.
yet another source of anxiety is my lit. test i turned in on thursday. i usually have rough drafts for my professor to look over. but, i was so busy with everything else that i didn't have the rough draft and so we will see how it goes. also, i turned in my one-act play on thursday. i didn't get to ask mrs. s-- about periods inside the brackets. i know that if it is a complete sentence inside the brackets, it definitely needs a period. but, what about when its not? i don't know.
i presented my history project on thursday. that didn't go like i had planned. i don't know what grade i will get on that either.
i'm waiting for both of my research papers to be returned. i don't know if i will get them back on monday. i have to wait and see. i think that is what is killing me, this whole wait and see business.
my house is a mess, and i need to start cleaning it.
my weight is spiraling out of control, and i need to start maintaining it.
i still haven't figured out commas, but i'm trying.
i haven't kept the books, and i need to start keeping them.
i have insomnia because of so many things i have to worry about.
i can't wait for may 15, when i will know all that i need to know. (maybe not all, but at least how i did this semester.)
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
The Storm is Calling Unto Me
There is a storm coming in as I write and its calling unto me. I want to hear the sound of the rushing and angry wind. My life reflects it. I have been in such a violent fit trying to finish off my semester. I have been under high-stress. I've had two research papers to finish up, a one-act play, a drama test, and a writing about history assignment all due this week! And, to top it all off, a history honors project presentation due on Thursday. I've tried the deep breaths, I've tried relaxation, and sleep. But, nothing, nothing can calm me down. Except, for the sound of the storm that I can hear through my chimney. I want to let loose like that storm. All of the clouds of anxiety and stress have gathered in my mind and soul. I would love for these forces to shake my body to its core and then be no more.
I'm anxious about what is left of this week; probably more so than what is left of my life. I can look ahead to happy years with my family. I just can't seem to look past this week with all of its fears. I often feel like I will inevitably fall flat on my face. Like I will not meet the deadline and then what? I think the stress comes because I don't see failure as an option. That is why I have this sinking feeling in my stomach when I get so close to the deadlines.
I take my leave, so that I may go hear my symphony of nature.
There is a storm coming in as I write and its calling unto me. I want to hear the sound of the rushing and angry wind. My life reflects it. I have been in such a violent fit trying to finish off my semester. I have been under high-stress. I've had two research papers to finish up, a one-act play, a drama test, and a writing about history assignment all due this week! And, to top it all off, a history honors project presentation due on Thursday. I've tried the deep breaths, I've tried relaxation, and sleep. But, nothing, nothing can calm me down. Except, for the sound of the storm that I can hear through my chimney. I want to let loose like that storm. All of the clouds of anxiety and stress have gathered in my mind and soul. I would love for these forces to shake my body to its core and then be no more.
I'm anxious about what is left of this week; probably more so than what is left of my life. I can look ahead to happy years with my family. I just can't seem to look past this week with all of its fears. I often feel like I will inevitably fall flat on my face. Like I will not meet the deadline and then what? I think the stress comes because I don't see failure as an option. That is why I have this sinking feeling in my stomach when I get so close to the deadlines.
I take my leave, so that I may go hear my symphony of nature.
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