due to our collective "hard times" as a country, i have decided to become more...let me see, what is the word? FRUGAL??? so, i did not want to throw out some very ripe bananas that were on the counter and decided to make banana bread, instead. however, although my name is Martha, my last name is definitely not Stewart. :)
first i had to get a recipe for banana bread from the food network website. then i had to make several trips to the grocery store. so much for ending global warming with me up and down the road. on the upside, however, maybe it (wasting gas) is good for the economy? i don't have the staples of a baker in my house: parchment paper, baking soda (the kind i could use and not the kind i could get from my refrigerator), and i forgot what else. so, after wrangling all the ingredients, i proceed to make the five star banana bread. Then I made a fatal mistake:
"Do you want some banana bread?" I ask my husband.
"How does it taste?" he answers with a question.
My six year old pipes up, "It taste so-so."
i looked sharply at her and thought of firing off, "First of all, I don't think a six year old has a true appreciation for GREAT banana bread. Furthermore, I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO BETTER!!"
but, i didn't want to enter into a battle of wits. but, my banana bread has officially been renamed the "so-so banana bread." the five star recipe i printed somehow didn't get the five star treatment at my house.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
what i want to say
this is year, i have decided that i will not leave things unsaid. so, with that in mind:
i have so many people that i need to write to or call. old friends, that i'm not even sure if they are still friends. why? well, things change, i've moved around a couple of times. and then there are the misunderstandings, etc., etc. i will start tomorrow by writing to at least one person on that list.
i want to say "thank you" to the people that have helped me. sometimes, i get in such a hurry, that i forget to acknowledge their help. for example, the other day i had a doctor's appointment and my neighbor picked up my kids from school and kept them until my husband picked them up. i don't recall saying thank you (and that eats at me because i'm really grateful, but as it stands now, i'm just rude).
i want to write my dreams/goals/aspirations down in black and white; as crazy and far-fetched as they might be. let me give this a stab: my heart yearns for california. why? i have no one to visit there, but for some crazy and oddball reason i want to go to california. my heart pulls me that way. my dad used to work there in the canneries when i was young. perhaps because california was a part of my formative years, i feel a connection to it. another reoccurring day dream is the one that i live on a beautiful mexican hacienda and my life is beyond laid back. i have no worries about money, my daughters are grown and are successful, and my biggest decision is what delicious meal i will have for lunch (around 3:00 p.m.). hmm, let's see will it be enchiladas, chiles rellenos, or mole? i can see the hacienda in my mind. it has a wrap around arched portal all around it. the courtyard is carpeted with lush grass and i have most of my afternoon meals there. sheltered under a huge tree is an ornate wrought iron table covered with fine linens and exquisite place settings. the only thing i haven't figured out is if i live on the hacienda before or after i teach american or british history and literature in one of the universities in Queretaro. my husband says that with the situation in mexico getting worse every day, he will NEVER live in mexico. but, a girl can dream, can't she? of course, the usual far-away-lands are part of my day dreams, such as Paris, London, etc. ;) after reading four books on napoleon this past semester, i would love to travel in Europe. reading the guns of august now is only flaming that desire.
above everything, i want to say i'm sorry. i'm sorry for anything i might have said, intentionally or not, to anyone and hurt his/her feelings. i don't want to live with remorse. when i've talked to my mom about things i would have liked to either work out differently or things in the past i want to change, she only says, "seria muy bonito si la vida fuera perfecta, pero no es patricia. nos equivocamos porque no somos perfectos." so there you have it folks, i've hurt others because i'm not perfect. i've made wrong decisions for the same reason. all i can do now is try to redeem my time through Jesus Christ.
i have so many people that i need to write to or call. old friends, that i'm not even sure if they are still friends. why? well, things change, i've moved around a couple of times. and then there are the misunderstandings, etc., etc. i will start tomorrow by writing to at least one person on that list.
i want to say "thank you" to the people that have helped me. sometimes, i get in such a hurry, that i forget to acknowledge their help. for example, the other day i had a doctor's appointment and my neighbor picked up my kids from school and kept them until my husband picked them up. i don't recall saying thank you (and that eats at me because i'm really grateful, but as it stands now, i'm just rude).
i want to write my dreams/goals/aspirations down in black and white; as crazy and far-fetched as they might be. let me give this a stab: my heart yearns for california. why? i have no one to visit there, but for some crazy and oddball reason i want to go to california. my heart pulls me that way. my dad used to work there in the canneries when i was young. perhaps because california was a part of my formative years, i feel a connection to it. another reoccurring day dream is the one that i live on a beautiful mexican hacienda and my life is beyond laid back. i have no worries about money, my daughters are grown and are successful, and my biggest decision is what delicious meal i will have for lunch (around 3:00 p.m.). hmm, let's see will it be enchiladas, chiles rellenos, or mole? i can see the hacienda in my mind. it has a wrap around arched portal all around it. the courtyard is carpeted with lush grass and i have most of my afternoon meals there. sheltered under a huge tree is an ornate wrought iron table covered with fine linens and exquisite place settings. the only thing i haven't figured out is if i live on the hacienda before or after i teach american or british history and literature in one of the universities in Queretaro. my husband says that with the situation in mexico getting worse every day, he will NEVER live in mexico. but, a girl can dream, can't she? of course, the usual far-away-lands are part of my day dreams, such as Paris, London, etc. ;) after reading four books on napoleon this past semester, i would love to travel in Europe. reading the guns of august now is only flaming that desire.
above everything, i want to say i'm sorry. i'm sorry for anything i might have said, intentionally or not, to anyone and hurt his/her feelings. i don't want to live with remorse. when i've talked to my mom about things i would have liked to either work out differently or things in the past i want to change, she only says, "seria muy bonito si la vida fuera perfecta, pero no es patricia. nos equivocamos porque no somos perfectos." so there you have it folks, i've hurt others because i'm not perfect. i've made wrong decisions for the same reason. all i can do now is try to redeem my time through Jesus Christ.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
My 2008 Resolutions Revisited
My 2008 Resolutions Revisited:
1. try to enjoy my classes! i did so-so in this category. i enjoyed most of them.
2. do not procrastinate! use my planner to stay organized* of course, this didn't pan out!! :)
3. i will be ecstatic if i receive a B in math. i got an "A" with the help of a tutor and an exorbitant amount of money!!
4. begin applying for scholarships for the fall semester. see number two on my list (the P in my name stands for Procrastinator!! ;)
other resolutions i have are as follows:
1. finish reading "Founding Brothers" by Joseph Ellis this month. (i've been reading it since this summer!) another resolution i didn't keep.
2. after i finish the aforementioned, i would like to read a book on Thomas Jefferson. that way ican work on my other lofty goal of reading a book on every president; TJ is next on my list. let's see that would leave me only forty more presidents to go, easy as pie, remember?
o.k., i did read some, but not all of this book. i'll just tack it on to this year's resolutions.
3. i have read two out of the ten plays in the book, "Ten Greek Plays in ContemporaryTranslations." i have read "Agamemnon" and "Oedipus Rex." i would like to read theremaining eight plays this year. yet another aborted resolution.
But, here is something that i did learn this year: Poetry speaks to the heart.
i didn't realize how the poetry i read this semester would affect me so profoundly.
One poem that I can't get out of my thoughts is Ulysses by Tennyson. I keep thinking of the line that says that every experience is an arch... I love that line. (i am going to have to revisit this post because there are too many things i want to write about this poem, but i have to stop here tonight.)
Ulysses
by Lord Alfred Tennyson
It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers;
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.
This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,--
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfill
This labor, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.
There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail;
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me,--
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads,-- you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honor and his toil.
Death closes all; but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks;
The long day wanes; the slow moon climbs; the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends.
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
1. try to enjoy my classes! i did so-so in this category. i enjoyed most of them.
2. do not procrastinate! use my planner to stay organized* of course, this didn't pan out!! :)
3. i will be ecstatic if i receive a B in math. i got an "A" with the help of a tutor and an exorbitant amount of money!!
4. begin applying for scholarships for the fall semester. see number two on my list (the P in my name stands for Procrastinator!! ;)
other resolutions i have are as follows:
1. finish reading "Founding Brothers" by Joseph Ellis this month. (i've been reading it since this summer!) another resolution i didn't keep.
2. after i finish the aforementioned, i would like to read a book on Thomas Jefferson. that way ican work on my other lofty goal of reading a book on every president; TJ is next on my list. let's see that would leave me only forty more presidents to go, easy as pie, remember?
o.k., i did read some, but not all of this book. i'll just tack it on to this year's resolutions.
3. i have read two out of the ten plays in the book, "Ten Greek Plays in ContemporaryTranslations." i have read "Agamemnon" and "Oedipus Rex." i would like to read theremaining eight plays this year. yet another aborted resolution.
But, here is something that i did learn this year: Poetry speaks to the heart.
i didn't realize how the poetry i read this semester would affect me so profoundly.
One poem that I can't get out of my thoughts is Ulysses by Tennyson. I keep thinking of the line that says that every experience is an arch... I love that line. (i am going to have to revisit this post because there are too many things i want to write about this poem, but i have to stop here tonight.)
Ulysses
by Lord Alfred Tennyson
It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers;
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.
This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,--
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfill
This labor, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.
There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail;
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me,--
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads,-- you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honor and his toil.
Death closes all; but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks;
The long day wanes; the slow moon climbs; the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends.
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
she hasn't sung yet!!
the old saying goes, "it ain't over till the fat lady sings..."
well my semester "ain't" over yet, even though i have already quit! can you believe it? i have given up on myself. despite my husband's continually encouragement, i can't seem to focus on the two finals i have tomorrow--to me they are a lost cause.
philosophy is kicking my butt! truth tables? prisoner's dilemma? i'll tell you about MY dilemma!
as far as history (yes, the class that i love!), i did not move on to the Victorian period with the rest of the class because i was still researching napoleon for my fourth book critique! and... by the way i turned in my fourth book critique late!!
never had i fallen on my face like that. the weeks leading up to this mess have been a series of unfortunate events.
well my semester "ain't" over yet, even though i have already quit! can you believe it? i have given up on myself. despite my husband's continually encouragement, i can't seem to focus on the two finals i have tomorrow--to me they are a lost cause.
philosophy is kicking my butt! truth tables? prisoner's dilemma? i'll tell you about MY dilemma!
as far as history (yes, the class that i love!), i did not move on to the Victorian period with the rest of the class because i was still researching napoleon for my fourth book critique! and... by the way i turned in my fourth book critique late!!
never had i fallen on my face like that. the weeks leading up to this mess have been a series of unfortunate events.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
my semester is drawing to a close. how do i feel about that? well...absolutely relieved to be sure. but, doesn't it sometimes feel like it all comes to an abrupt end? even after all you have done is waited for the end? each semester is a like a miniature life cycle, and yes, i do feel very aged at the end. yesterday was the last day of classes, and my final exams (for two classes) will be next Thursday.
on another note, a poem that we read in my literature class has really stayed with me: Spring and Fall by Gerard Hopkins. Hopkins writes about the unleaving of a tree. but, what has almost haunted me is Dr. H's lecture. he stated that, of course, the tree is a metaphor for us. therefore, just like the tree "unleaves" (loses its leaves) one by one in the fall, so do we lose "days" of our lives. i told my 96 year old grandmother about the poem. i don't think she liked it, perhaps she thought i was being mean. but, in truth, she is the one that started it! she was saying that she never realized she was getting old. she said that she has just lived her days one at a time. one day at a time until there was 96 years altogether. AMAZING!!
how many leaves have you lost?
Spring and Fall:
to a Young Child
Margaret, are you grieving
on another note, a poem that we read in my literature class has really stayed with me: Spring and Fall by Gerard Hopkins. Hopkins writes about the unleaving of a tree. but, what has almost haunted me is Dr. H's lecture. he stated that, of course, the tree is a metaphor for us. therefore, just like the tree "unleaves" (loses its leaves) one by one in the fall, so do we lose "days" of our lives. i told my 96 year old grandmother about the poem. i don't think she liked it, perhaps she thought i was being mean. but, in truth, she is the one that started it! she was saying that she never realized she was getting old. she said that she has just lived her days one at a time. one day at a time until there was 96 years altogether. AMAZING!!
how many leaves have you lost?
Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844-1889)
Spring and Fall:
to a Young Child
Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you will weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
to be heard
sometimes, a person just wants to be heard. i want to be heard. i don't need a compassionate ear, or even an ear, really.
today was a ROTTEN DAY!! i know, the bible says that this is the day that the Lord has made, and that we should rejoice and be glad it in. well, i can tell you that i've had better. there was definitely no rejoicing today--just surviving.
my little one has had an ear infection; ear infections have plagued her since she was a baby. she probably gets about 4 a year. i was at the night clinic on tuesday night. i didn't get any sleep on tuesday or wednesday night. but, that is the good news. like the fool that i am, i have been over-extending myself volunteering at the school. on wednesday, i went to help with some fundraiser stuff. well, i should have been cleaning my house, but no, i should sacrifice myself and my family at the altar of pta, shouldn't i? to make an awful story short, after running to h.e.b at 10:00 p.m. to buy juice for the teacher's breakfast, I tried to "clean" what i could. then, my little one started crying because of the pain in her ear. so, i didn't get to check my girls' homework last night. this morning i checked it, but one of my oldest daughter's paper must have slipped off the table and landed on the chair (unbeknownst to me). needless to say, she got a conduct point taken off her folder, and made to stay in detention "so she could learn her lesson." I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK!!! she had put it in her folder, i took it out!!! i felt SO bad for her. when i apologized to her she told me that it was her fault, and that she should have made sure.
dear reader, my heart is broken. i have wept bitter tears because i saw how hard she worked to finish her homework last night. life is not only unfair, it is cruel. i made the mistake, and i hope that i am smart enough to learn from it. no longer will i put pta or volunteer work ahead of my family--they are too precious to me.
today was a ROTTEN DAY!! i know, the bible says that this is the day that the Lord has made, and that we should rejoice and be glad it in. well, i can tell you that i've had better. there was definitely no rejoicing today--just surviving.
my little one has had an ear infection; ear infections have plagued her since she was a baby. she probably gets about 4 a year. i was at the night clinic on tuesday night. i didn't get any sleep on tuesday or wednesday night. but, that is the good news. like the fool that i am, i have been over-extending myself volunteering at the school. on wednesday, i went to help with some fundraiser stuff. well, i should have been cleaning my house, but no, i should sacrifice myself and my family at the altar of pta, shouldn't i? to make an awful story short, after running to h.e.b at 10:00 p.m. to buy juice for the teacher's breakfast, I tried to "clean" what i could. then, my little one started crying because of the pain in her ear. so, i didn't get to check my girls' homework last night. this morning i checked it, but one of my oldest daughter's paper must have slipped off the table and landed on the chair (unbeknownst to me). needless to say, she got a conduct point taken off her folder, and made to stay in detention "so she could learn her lesson." I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK!!! she had put it in her folder, i took it out!!! i felt SO bad for her. when i apologized to her she told me that it was her fault, and that she should have made sure.
dear reader, my heart is broken. i have wept bitter tears because i saw how hard she worked to finish her homework last night. life is not only unfair, it is cruel. i made the mistake, and i hope that i am smart enough to learn from it. no longer will i put pta or volunteer work ahead of my family--they are too precious to me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
dos caminos
Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
********************
i'm at the two roads ...and i'm wondering which one to take.
do i major in english or history? i love both. but i cannot say that i love them equally. i think i love history more. judging from the books on my nightstand, history is the one. i have "American Sphinx," "John Adams," (which i have already read from cover to cover!) and i think one Charlotte Bronte book that my sister gave me for my birthday.
i find my revolutionary europe class fascinating, and i would love to take all of the history classes offered at u.t.p.a. what to do? how long can i prolong or delay this decision? should i double major? if i do, i am really only delaying the decision. i would love to go to graduate school. i see myself (dare i write it?) pursuing a master's degree, but then it would definitely be in history. thesis? perhaps, but it would definitely have to be on a topic in history.
i hate to have to make decisions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)