how do i hate me...let me count the ways

i'm feeling especially down on myself. why? well the most immediate answer would be that i am blogging instead of tackling all the work i have to do!! my third book critique is due on thursday, and i have two more chapters to read. and i haven't been able to finish "Locksley Hall."

but, let me take a stab at my list anyway.

1. i run around like a crazy chicken...ALMOST EVERY DAY! (i've been forbidden by my oldest daughter to say "like a chicken with my head cut-off." she has told me that she can picture a chicken with its head cut off, and apparently that is too graphic for her. :)

2. i am the queen of disorganization. in an instant i can lose progress reports, library books, and as was the case tonight, school picture proofs that must be returned tomorrow!

3. although i have told myself that i will not squander my time (i.e. blogging or reading other blogs or mindlessly mapping out my myriad of semesters i have left), I STILL DO.

4. I HAVE NOT EXERCISED SERIOUSLY IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS!! i guess beach to bay was the last time i had a jogging routine/schedule. i have fended off pound after painstaking pound, but i have had to surrender to at least four of them that will not budge.

5. true to myself, i am not true to my word, when it comes to my silly commitments; the ones I make to myself. strangely, if i tell someone i will be somewhere, even though i don't want to do it at ALL, i will. if i tell my girls i will do something, i do it. i'll volunteer at the school, PTA meetings, help fellow classmates, etc. BUT, i will not commit to myself, odd isn't it?

i really should stop there, napoleon awaits me.

Good night, Good people

(i'm sure you all don't squander your time ;)

i had a dream...

or should i say i've had two dreams? in both dreams i was saying goodbye to one of my aunts. the first dream i had i was saying goodbye to my tia v. i hugged her tightly and i was telling her that it was going to be alright, and that all the suffering would be over.

a couple of days after that dream, i had a another one. i dreamt that i was saying goodbye to my tia c. almost the same scenario.

funny thing is that, as i was thinking about both dreams, i had a dawning or perhaps perplexing thought. I AM THE ONE SAYING GOODBYE!! hmm? am i going somewhere that i don't know about?

although i admit it is a morbid thought, sometimes i am weary; not only physically, but spiritually and mentally. how i wish i could be in a place of peace, where there will be no more sorrows and no more tears.

so, on that sad note, i will say goodbye

hold it!

what do you think you're doing? it seems like i keep hearing someone say that as i continue my slow prodding towards my degree. i have a hold for this and a hold for that. i am not tsi complete (even though i have already taken my college algebra!), or an advisement hold, etc. ENOUGH ALREADY!! can't the people at administration give me a pass for being old? like a senior citizens pass or something?
seriously, all this red tape is enough to discourage anybody, especially me!!!

my waterloo

yesterday was my waterloo! (i know, boo-hoo!)

mid-terms at utpa are something i've never experienced. where do i start? i was attacked on two fronts: philosophy and english...on the same day! i don't like to be negative, but i don't think i will EVER understand venn diagrams! it went down something like this:

All horses are dogs. No dogs are ugly. So, no horses are ugly.

don't quote me on that because i really don't remember. but, i was suppose to put it in form, and draw the venn diagram. Jeez, Louise!

on the fallacies, i think i didn't do as bad. famous last words....

i am faced with a very difficult prospect: if i don't pass this test, then i have to drop the class. yes, i would HAVE to drop it because there are only two major deciding exams (the one i just took and the final). mind you, i have NEVER dropped a class. last night my husband asked me how much the class had cost. i think he muttered something about bracing himself for the news. $800 was my reply.

on the other front, english literature. yes, i love the class, but i didn't study (as much i needed to study). the test was similiar to the massacre in Mrs. Roper's american literature class. you know, the ones where all you get are lines from the poem, and you need to identify the author, the poem, and the meaning and/or significance. i (as you can read from a previous post) did not finish reading Coleridge's "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," and that is one of the questions i missed, along with William Blake's "My Heart Leaps Up."

perhaps, i am boring you with the details. but, i write more for myself. i guess because these things bother me. it is a form of therapy for me. i'm sure for you it is a form of torture (if you should happen to still be reading :).

well, dear reader, i bid you a good weekend. i will be reading two poems from Tennyson and reading my third book on my newest and dearest pal, napoleon. even though, i really wish i could finish reading Charlotte Bronte's "Villette." i was thinking that i have been investing way too much time on my history class and not enough time on the other classes. that explains my utter defeat yesterday. on the bright side, i have recognized my error and will work to fix it.

napoleon and me

we are getting to know each other and are getting quite cozy. well, at least me with him because he is dead! :) my subject for the four book critiques is napoleon. thus, i have read two books about him, and i am starting on the third.

napoleon and i skipped out during my british literature class on tuesday. try as i may, my good intentions (the ones that i had for reading a chapter a day, so that i would have a whole week to write my paper) went by the wayside. or maybe they paved the way to the academia hell i went through this weekend. my whole weekend was tied up trying to finish reading Robert Holtman's book. i got very little sleep. and still, i was not finished by tuesday morning. so, i went to my first class because i skipped it when my first paper was due, and then i went to the library during my second class. and guess what? according to a girl in my literature class, there was a reading quiz. aahh! i probably wouldn't have done very well, anyway; i didn't finish reading Coleridge's poem.

on the upside of things, i was grateful for don cudd's tutoring with my critique. he has a tutoring buisness and is extremely helpful! i would hate not having my papers reviewed before turning them in.

chinny, chin, chin

a long time ago (probably about thirteen years ago) my beloved Abuela Nico tapped her aged finger on my chin and prophesied over it. Like the ancient prophet Kalchas she foretold of my doom. "Cuando estes vieja se te va salir bien fea!" she said gesturing with her hand and making a rather ugly sign of what my horrible chin would look like. I thought, "Gee, what an awful prospect awaits me."











fast forward to having two outspoken daughters. As I laid in bed with my girls one night with only the hall light on, my Abuela's prophesy was fulfilled (at least according to my youngest daughter!). I guess she could see my silhouette and she grabbed my chin. "Mom, do you know who your chin reminds me of?" I don't have a clue, I thought. Then she asked her sister, "What is the name of the bad guy that comes out in Cyberspace?" I thought, "Oh, no you didn't just compare my chin to hacker's!"









Ladies and gentlemen,









May I present Hacker.

















But wait! it gets better! a couple of days after that, my little one (yes, the same one that told me my chin reminds her of hacker) paid me a compliment of some sort. and i (with my feelings still hurt) rebuffed it by reminding her that my chin is UGLY! i prodded her, "who does my chin remind you of?" and my older one piped "Abraham Lincoln!"



Ladies and Gentlemen,



Honest Abe.





honestly, if i didn't have a complex about my chin, my girls are going to give me one!

ninety-two

that was my grade on my first mid-term exam at u.t.pa. the grade is excellent considering i was lost. i cannot, however, rest on that grade. i have my second book critique that is due on tuesday to work on. so, plug, plug, plug away...