cry me a river of tears

i have had a heartbreaking feeling all semester long. not only that, a sinking feeling, as well. sinking because i am (like dante) descending into bigger and uglier pits of the college algebra inferno. july 23 cannot get here fast enough!!!!! it seems like an eternity. i don't know if all of the college algebra courses at del mar are this hard, or if this special torture is reserved for online students. it doesn't help that i don't have a professor, not even an online video professor. my anti-virus software thinks that the math plug-ins are evil. i have been paying a tutor to come help me out. ay, ay, ay. canta y no llores.

the one bright spot on this cumulus nimbus is that i went to utpa for the first time on sunday. i finally went to speak to an academic advisor for the fall. can you believe it? i think i'm going to take a descriptive linguistics class, a sociology class, and a history class. right now, that sounds a million times better than a biology and math class. :)

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i have started reading Jane Eyre it is a most fascinating and heartwrenching book. so far my favorite passage is:

"I am not deceitful; if I were I should say I loved you; but I declare I do not love you; I dislike you the worst of anybody in the world except John Reed...I am glad you are no realtion of mine; ...I will never come to see you when I am grown up...I will say that the very thought of you makes me sick, and that you treated me with miserable cruelty...How dare I, Mrs. Reed? How dare I? Because it is the truth."

powerful words, don't you think? i think the truth definitely has power. (i know, it is a book!) but, Jesus said, "You shall now the truth and the truth shall set you free." Now, those are words to live by.

good night.

upon successful completion

those three words are hanging over my head. upon successful completion of college algebra and biology 1409, i should be able to graduate from del mar college. the only problem is that i am inching my way through the classes! *sigh* i don't understand college algebra, and if it wasn't for the handy-dandy "help me solve this button," i don't know where i would be right now! i have 16 days left in my summer biology course, and 40 something days left in algebra, YUCK!!!!!
it isn't that biology is so hard, it is that i just don't have the stamina to go to class monday-friday from 6:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. (granted we get out early on some nights, but i'm just too old for this).

another mission impossible project is to organize my kitchen this summer.

But, like Pastor Leavell preached, "I will count it all a joy!"

until next time....

Counting the Cost

if i were to add up all the late nights studying, the countless essays, innumerable tests, i would be entirely too discouraged to continue with my education. another cost is the toll all of this is taking on me physically. i feel tired ALL the time. at times i feel like my neck is about to explode. why am i doing this? this biggest cost has been extolled upon my family. my girls are shooed away, "I really need to get this done." "This assignment is due today, or due tomorrow." "I will read to you when I'm done." How can I can I continue to pursue a degree at such a high cost?

How to Lose Your Sanity in 2 weeks.

i have realized that this maymester business is insanity!!!! i feel like i'm working from behind all the time!! the material is very, very interesting, but there isn't enough time to learn all of it.

HELP!!!!

Happy Birthday Chato!!!!!

today is my brother's birthday, but i don't have any way of calling him. he changed his phone number and he thinks it registered on my cellphone. unfortunately, my cellphone was dead when he called, so it didn't register. i do, however, want him to know that i love him and i hope he has a wonderful birthday and year.

chato,

te quiero mucho, espero que te la pases muy bien. llamame si tienes tiempo.

martita

when will it be over???

i am finishing up my spring semester. i can't believe that it will be over tomorrow. what i really want to know is when it will ALL be over? God willing i will get my associate's degree in august. after that, all bets are off. i don't know where to go full steam ahead and try to finish as soon as possible. OR do i take it easy, enjoy my daughters while they are still small and take 2 or 3 classes. all i know is that these past few weeks have been hard on them, my husband, my house, and myself. i have been working feverishly on my computer and shooing them away at the same time. i felt like a terrible mother when they would come ask me questions, and i would just shush them away. once again, my favorite question: what to do? what to do?


++++++++++

stc is so much different than del mar. i have never been exempted from taking a final exam. but, lo and behold, i didn't have to take a final for one of my courses at stc. i don't know if that is against policy or what, but either way it was a welcomed break.


+++++++++

i am taking a sociology course online. YIKES!! it is a maymester course. this is my first maymester course and it is promising to be fast and furious. i have a project due next thursday. so i should stop blogging and get to work! :)

oh! i almost forgot. i have started reading "El Amor En Los Tiempos de Colera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. it is taking me about a day to read ONE page because of the spanish words that are unfamiliar to me. for example, atiborrado, remora, asiduos, pliegos, pesadumbre and many, many more. i will let you all know how it goes.

another spanish word i learned from my neighbor tonight: fayuca. roughly translated i think it means something like a knockoff. if i were to use it in a sentence, i would say, "Mi bolsa de mano LV no es una fayuca".

it is 11:36 p.m. the last few minutes of sunday april 20. i have so many things to do, but i don't want to do any of them.

*iron my husband's uniforms (you'd think i'd send them to the cleaners, right?)
*work on an essay for world lit (it is due next sunday)
*work on my research paper for biology (it is due the week after this coming week)
*study for my biology quizzes (i will take them on tuesday)
*while studying for my bio quizzes, i should study for my major exam (it's on thursday)


siento una inquietud muy grande, no se que hacer primero. mi casa esta al reves!! no se cuando estar en orden; por ahora esta en desorden.

i also want to exercise and eat right; at least until after may 2nd. i think on may 3rd, i will have whatever i want.

i went to a wedding tonight. it brought back memories of my wedding. i can still remember running around like an idiot. doesn't everybody, though?

i am off to iron, good night.