mamas de el mar

comic relief

2011-08-05T01:12:00.003-05:00

i am almost done with the five week certification program. only 2 days left! i don't have a teaching job, and i'm not sure that i mind that. i really want to continue to pursue my master's degree this fall. i have actually registered for the classes, and i really hope i can continue on that path.

anyway, what was so funny to me tonight (perhaps funnier that it actually was)caused me to pause and take a moment to laugh. we have been herded into classrooms for the last five weeks to learn how to be awesome teachers. i have learned about different group activities, teaching strategies, etc. perhaps the most important thing i learned is that while all students can learn, not all students learn in the same manner. therefore, while some students can excel at taking paper and pencil exams, some students are doomed when it comes to those kinds of test and will do better with other types of exams, such as, presentations, etc.

back to my story, the instructor handed out a package of sticky notes and asked us to take one and pass it back. well, one young (obviously inexperienced) student took the last one and passed the bottom blank paper to the girl in front of him. (i personally thought it was odd that he was passing it forward since it would be of no use to her.) when she saw the brown useless peace of paper, she said in her native tongue, "mira este cabr*n! el cree que es muy chistoso!" she then proceeds to scold him in front of the class, "you don't know where the trashcan is at or what???" well, needless to say, the little guy turned all kinds of red, but he was tough enough to just smile it off.

i guess it was so funny to me because the girl's frankness is something i'm unaccustomed to. i rarely call people on the carpet. or call them cabr*n for that matter.

ha!

the worse of two evils

2011-07-05T22:03:00.002-05:00

i have started a 90 day fitness program, and i have also started a 5 week certification program. i am dreading both, however, i actually look forward to the exercise program more than i do the certification program. i feel like my dream of becoming a college professor will be put on pause because of this horrible economy. for now, i am on my second week of the exercise program, and on the first week of the cert. program. agony, agony, agony...

how goes your summer? better than mine, i'm sure!!

the suspense

2011-05-10T22:12:00.003-05:00

the suspense is killing me!!! i turned in two papers last week, and i haven't heard from my professors. uggh!! i am trying hard to concentrate on my last paper, but i inevitably log on to the website, click on my lit theory class, and...NOTHING!!!!

someone please put me out of this misery and tell me what i got already!

Morales and Me: The Tale of Two Fights

2011-03-09T00:26:00.004-06:00

one of my most vivid and heartbreaking memories as a boxing fan is that of Erik Morlaes sitting on the canvas during his fight with Manny Paquia. after boxing admirably for several rounds, Morales took a blow that landed him on the canvas. he then did something that i thought was both completely out-of-character and unforgivable--he shook his head, as if to signal, "this is the end...i cannnot win this fight." to me, that was unthinkable. a great fighter like him? giving up? calling the fight?

my foray into grad school has felt like watching that fight between Morales and Paquia. i'm morales. i can't keep swinging trying to win this match. i'm shaking my head. i'm on the canvas. i can't. stop the struggle. it's over.

Morales' defeat that night does not erase his excellent trajectory in the world of boxing. he will always be a great fighter. his defeat only proves that not all fights are won--and sometimes the fighter has to call his own fight.

frenetic and fragmented

2011-02-28T22:27:00.005-06:00

my life is not yet in ruins, but it sure seems like i might get there this semester.

i have been killing myself trying to do everything. every monday night i have a book review due for one of my grad classes. every monday night i am finishing the book review ten minutes before its due. that is not how i typically do it. when i was an undergrad, i did not turn anything in before proofreading and editing it. my good writing habits have gone by the wayside, and now all i can hope for is to turn in a "paper." however useless and rotten the writing is. i hate to put my professor through the agony of reading it. i don't want to read it, and i sure don't want anyone else to read it either.

oh, well. as much as i try to finish reading the books before the weekend, i just can't do it! this weekend there was u.i.l. competition, a birthday party and chuck-e-cheese, and (as if that weren't enough excitement!) we had to go buy a new washer. so, not only did i fall behind on the reading, i fell behind on the washing, too!

this afternoon, i took my little one to the doctor. of course, she is important and getting her back examined is a priority, since she took an awful fall from the swing set. however, my reading suffers. i think it's time i have the "we need to talk" talk with myself. grad classes are all at night. evening excursions are not working out for my girls and me. tonight my #1 girl almost burned something down--it's called our house! (yes, i'm exaggerating a little bit!) i'm getting this sinking feeling that this isn't going to work.

i have a presentation tomorrow on the heart of darkness. very appropriate.

it is my blog, and i will write about my breakdown if i want to!!

2011-02-15T23:37:00.008-06:00

so here we go with the drama, again!! **sigh**

shall we begin?

(by the way--shall is a modal, which means that the action has not happened and may never happen; just like should)

anyway, today is tuesday, which means i have two evening classes. i don't "work" in the morning, and i am here at home most of the day. dans le monde ideal i would have done some light reading and cleaning aujourd'hui. instead, i spent the morning trying to clean the remnants of monday night's happenings because i came in exhausted from my monday night class and didn't clean then. but, maybe i should tell you that i spent the entire weekend reading a book because i had a review due on monday night. it was 190 pages of agricultural industrialization, which was quite interesting, but still exhausting!! i was still writing my paper at 6:50 p.m. (class starts at 7:10 p.m.), when my husband came home to take over the care of the girls.

o.k. so i try to read Heiddeger, Nietzsche, and Derrida! wholly cow, batman!! in my defense, i had read some stuff on thursday, and i thought i wasn't too behind. plus, i thought that 5 hours was enough to get through it. WRONG!!! i read, and re-read, and re-re-read, and nothing was sticking!! NOT A THING!! finally, it hit me: in order to understand this mind-bending stuff, i need some some mind-altering drugs! yes, that is what's been missing. of course, i didn't/can't run out and get them. so, i'm just going to resign myself to the lot of being a stupid student of literary theory.

anyway, the breakdown happened when i was looking at the clock and noticed that i had spent an exorbitant amount of time and was still not getting IT. so, i started making dinner for the girls because i'm not home when they get home from school on tuesdays. try as i may to channel my inner June Cleaver, i just fail. i thought i had everything i needed for dinner (i've actually made a monthly menu and look at it when i go shopping on the weekend) but i didn't have what i needed. so, now i'm not only not understanding the reading, but i have to take time to run to the store to get one item that i need.

i have my momentary breakdown on my way to heb. "why can't you plan right?" "why can't you get your reading finsished on time?" "why did you think you could go to grad school?" i realize that some single, working moms have it tougher, but i'm not living their lives. i'm trying to live mine--without having these moments of negativity. my girls are sacrificing so that i can go to school. my little one wants to know when i'll be "done, done with school, like when will you stop going to school, mommy?"

i realize that nothing worth having comes easy. and, that when i do have my master's degree it will be MY triumph. but it will also be my sacrifice and that of my family's.

all i can think of in these times is that my girls will have one huge incentive to get through school while they are young and single, and that incentive will be my life. they will remember these days. i know that without a doubt. i'm the perfect example of what not to do. they will think: don't put your family through that. don't put your kids through that. and more importantly, what i hope they think is, don't put yourself through that.

alors, i have decided that the only way this mother is going to get through this semester is by abusing another mother. i will be using paper plates, plastic cups, plastic utensils, it will be a plastic/paper-palooza until i graduate. too bad i can't cook using disposable pots.

bonsoir, good people!!

my day in a flash

2011-02-08T22:55:00.003-06:00

i feel like i should be documenting my struggles for the sake of my sanity. so, here is what my day was like:

in the morning, my #2 girl was having a hard time getting on the same sheet of music as the rest of us. i tried to be patient with her--for my sanity sake, you know. and then, out it came, "mommy," in a sort of desperate cry, "when will you be done with all of your classes? like when will you stop going to school?" of course, i had a quick flash of guilt strike me. something along the lines of, "you are such an awful mom leaving your kids motherless two nights of the week!" never mind that they are with their dad, and not completely abandoned, but oh, well...

since my husband had to tend to his work responsibilites today, he could not pick them up from school, and thus, enter mother-in-law into the picture.

i cleaned for most of the day to prepare for her since she was coming to stay with the girls after school. let me see...refigerator--check, laundry room--check, dishes--check, floors, dinning room table, kids bathroom, hall bathroom--check, check, check, and check.

as a result of my impending visit from my mother-in-law (mil), i didn't read what i needed to read for literary theory, or rather all of the reading assignments. i didn't put together my bibliography that was due tonight for my american history class.

at around 3:15, i threw some fish fillets/tenders/i don't-know-what in the oven and put some mac and cheese on the stove. i run out shortly after my mil gets here. then i think, "hmm, i haven't spoken to my mother all day." so, i call her. she is having some sort of issue with her house phone, and of course, she would be very happy if i could call the phone company. so, i do. while i'm on the road to pan-am.
luckily, my car has the hands-free thing. unluckily for me, the phone company on the other line does not recognize my helpless dialing of 1 on the keypad.

i get to class and here about Sassure, Claude Levi Strauss and try not to collapse from my all-day-cleaning-marathon.

afterward, i run down to the lab and try to piece together a bibliography.

when i get home, i sit down to eat a flour tortilla with leftover chicken from yesterday and throw in a some Mexican cheese for good measure. My husband, who has been filling out a return label (so i can run to the post office tomorrow)looks down at me and says, "you look tired."

just as i was going to open my mouth to say, "I'M BEAT!!!"

how was your day?

p.s. please excuse the misspellings and the incoherent writing.

Survival Guide

2011-02-03T10:57:00.005-06:00

i have started grad school. and, yes, my friends, it is very hard. i am also a Teaching Assistant this semester. the funny thing is that in order to be a teaching assistant (TA), one must also take 3 graduate classes. of course, this would not be a problem, if i wasn't a full-time mom and half-hearted housekeeper. my life is in chaos right about now.

but, not to worry! i think i have devised a plan that will help me get through this semester. My weekly schedule should look like this:

Monday Morning: Attend History 1301 lecture in the morning.
Monday Evening: Graduate class in the evening, AND READ!

Tuesday Morning: Clean a little, study a lot, AND READ!!
Tuesday Afternoon: Attend both graduate classes at night.

Wednesday Morning: Attend history lecture.
Wednesday Afternoon: I MUST READ!!!

Thursday: My thursdays will now become "Toilet Thursdays!" Huzzah!!! I will try to dedicate this day to cleaning my house, i.e. sweeping, mopping, changing the sheets, All day cleaning-palooza!! Yay for me!! AND, OF COURSE, I MUST READ!!!!

Friday morning: Attend history lecture.
Friday afternoon: Treat myself to something nice before the weekend onslaught that is having my girls and my husband at home, AND I MUST READ!!!!!

Saturday: Is the day of Laundry!!! Also, my girls have to dust their rooms. And, if I feel particularly cruel, I'll make them clean out their drawers, AND I MUST READ!!!!!!

Sunday: Beside going to church, it will be the day of preparing clothes
for the week, AND I MUST READ!!!!!!!

do you see a common denominator in all seven days? the exclamation points will give you a hint. here is another one, GRADUATE SCHOOL = READING!

yes, yes, there is a gob load (<--is that a word?) of reading. each week in my monday class, i will have a book review due. EACH WEEK! in my english literary theory class, i'm having to read things that are WAY, WAY, ABOVE MY IQ!!! i didn't/haven't read Derrida, Heidegger, or Freud, Lacan, Foucault, or anything that resembles that. really, i need a crash course in all of these writers. But, i will try to make the most of it. we read Terry Eagleton's introduction to literary theory book this past week. other than the minor detail of not knowing who the aforementioned people were, i found his writing to be charmingly caustic and absolutely lovely. i found myself laughing outloud at my kitchen table.

Here is one of the passages that cracked me up:

(in writing about freud and neurosis)

"One question which immediately arises, however, is why it is human beings who should be the neurotic animal, rather than snails or tortoises. It is possible that this is merely a Romantic idealization of such creatures and that they are secretly a good deal more neurotic than we think; but they seem well-adjusted enough to an outsider, even though there may be one or two cases of hysterical paralysis on record" (132). Terry Eagleton's, "Literary Theory: An Introduction."

i thought that was funny.

anyway, being that today is thursday, which has now been declared as "Toilet Thursday," i must tend to my courtly duties at the three different thrones.

made to run

2010-10-24T13:50:00.003-05:00

i have been made to run.

when i write "made," i don't mean as in designed to run. i mean "made" as in forced to run against my will. i don't want to run--at all!! today my husband and i are suppose to get out there and run 10 miles. 10 miles!! my entire body revolts at just the thought of having to run. my brain says, "heck, no!" my knees say, "please don't!" and my heart can barely be heard. even my nose says, "you know that you can't breathe through your nose when you are sitting down just resting..." and it's true. i have a ....i forget what the allergist said. a slant inside my nose?? my nose slants to one side on the inside?? i don't know, but i can't breathe right. that's what i know. running and trying to breathe with a slanted nose is nearly impossible.

we will see...

not Finished!!!

2010-10-17T23:49:00.003-05:00

so here it is...

last week, i went out and wrote "finish" on the spot where our nine mile trek would end. like i have mentioned in the earlier post, i finished the required miles. ironically, the more i see the picture, the more i wonder if it was a sort of harbinger of my training ending. once again, we will have to wait until tomorrow.

goodnight, good people...

falling off the wagon

2010-10-17T23:30:00.002-05:00

there i went---i fell of the wagon this week. last sunday, my husband and i ran 9 miles. and my knees have been hating me ever since!! so, i only ran on tuesday for thirty minutes. the pavement went silent from my knees not pounding it this week. the saddest part is that my husband only ran on tuesday, too. but, tonight he went and ran 9 miles! talk about feeling left out and left behind!! i decided on wednesday that i would not run again until monday, which by the way is tomorrow. i need to stop being a crybaby and get out there and kick some concrete! we will see if i put my knees where my mouth is tomorrow, won't we?

in training

2010-10-03T23:40:00.002-05:00

i have signed my husband and myself up for a half marathon in november. i don't remember exactly when i signed on the dotted line, but it has been several weeks. soon after i started my training, i came down with a sort of bronchitis and could not run for a week; the week that was suppose to be my second week of training. nevertheless, i timidly started again, trying to redeem lost training time. as of tonight, there are six weeks left before the event. i will not call it "the race" because i will surely not be racing on that day. i will only be trying to finish!!

my husband and i ran/jogged for 75 minutes tonight for the low price of $25.00 for the sitter. this would be the time to do one of those commercials: jogging for 75 minutes, aching feet, knees, ankles, $25.00 for the sitter...getting one step closer to finishing the "event": priceless...

my point in blogging tonight, however, is to begin a sort of weekly jogging journal.

how i felt tonight: my husband always starts out faster than me. i trail about 10-15 yards behind him for the first 20 minutes or so. i pretty much hate running for the first 20 minutes every time i run. but, then, about the 25 to 30 minute time, i start feeling my legs getting stronger. i feel ready to stretch them out--widen my stride and pick up my pace.

in the end, my left knee began to act up, my toes felt swollen, and i was once again hating running. but we finished...

next week: 90 minutes...

what did i get myself into?

good luck, mommy!

2010-09-17T09:51:00.008-05:00

as i was driving my girls to school on wednesday, i let them in on my big plans for the day.

"i want to clean all three bathrooms today!" i told them with some trepidation because i wasn't really sure i could pull it off.

yes, you see, that would entail a herculean effort on my part. i have been SO tired, and dare i say it? LAZY!!

they both looked at me and said, "good luck, mommy!"

since i have been home this semester, it seems like i'm calling eva (the woman who helps me clean) more than when i was taking my crazy and record five classes in the fall and spring semesters.

what have i been doing, you might ask?

well, i have been trying to organize my girls rooms, my kitchen, their bathroom linen closet, and other things. i also have been reading, eating, and sleeping. my three faves!!

what i haven't been doing is clearing out the forests of paper that i have from my school work, their school work, and everyday mail.

so, on wednesday, i thought to myself, "no, you can't call eva today. you must do it on your own, save money, and be industrious. In opus, maiestas."

but, is there really dignity in cleaning three toilets? can you clean toilets summa cum laude? i will not get a transcript with grades for housework, fortunately for me.

well, i came home, took a nap, and then gave myself an impromptu pep-rally when i woke up! "mommy, mommy, she's our toilet bowl-cleaning-girl! if she can't do it, no one can!"

ladies and gentlemen, i cleaned all three bathrooms, swept and mopped my entire house, AND i did it better than eva!" the last bit is probably because this is my house, and i have a vested interest in a sparkling toilet, thus, i use more elbow grease.

throughout the day i kept hearing my girls wishing me luck as they scurried toward the school crosswalk. i guess they knew i needed it! :)

good luck to all the mommys that are facing a house full of chores!

now, martha...

2010-09-06T12:02:00.002-05:00

i've been reading "the path to power" by robert caro. it is an interesting book about lyndon b. johnson. eye-opening--and that is just the introduction.

but, i guess because i've been reading about people moving to texas, i was remembering an old co-worker named andy. i always remember him saying to me, when on occassion i did not want to (um...um.) let him in on something. or just plain didn't want to answer his question. he would always say in in west-by-God-Virginia accent, "now martha, you can go to hell for lying, the same as cheating..."

i always found that hillarious!!!

here is to Andy Anderson! (wherever you are!)

summer reading kickoff

2010-05-18T21:58:00.002-05:00

i have officially started my summer reading. actually, i began by finishing my winter reading. i had to put "my life in france" by julia child in a drawer next to my computer desk when school started in january. i began reading the book during the winter break.

it is a lovely book. i couldn't wait to finish reading it as soon as school let out. i don't know what i will read next. i'm thinking of reading "wuthering heights." i've never read the book, only watched some of the adaptations.

i know that i loved, loved, loved, "jane eyre." and i think i would like wuthering heights, too.

we will see, so far the summer is my oyster..:)

see ya!!

sleepless in the valley

2010-05-13T17:22:00.006-05:00

if only i could convince my brain to write another 1500 word essay. it is my last one for the semester (probably for my career as an undergrad), but in vain have i sat in front of a computer to write. i wander off into ...my blog for one thing...and i wonder about what i should write. but, i can't seem to concentrate for two consecutive seconds.

i got my research paper done the day it was due. actually, i finished it around 3:30 a.m. then i slept for two hours and went to school. this kind of schedule is killing me!!

so, here is looking at another sleepless night. (hopefully my last as an undergrad!)

and, because i can't help it, "here is looking at you, kid." you're almost there!!!

really...in the whole scheme of things...

2010-04-20T21:50:00.003-05:00

what are another 5 pounds added to the weight i have already gained? i keep telling my husband that the ONLY way i'm going to get through this research paper that is due on friday is if i go on an eating binge. i can work better when i'm snacking on oh...let me see...krispy kreme's, hamburgers, pizza, chocolate cake, cheesecake, etc., etc.,

i can't be hungry and try to think. my tummy needs to be full so that my brain can be at full capacity. i know...it is STUPID!!!!!!

BUT, SADLY, ALL TOO TRUE!!!

4 1/2 MORE WEEKS, BUT WHO IS COUNTING???

SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MAY!!!

six weeks left

2010-04-02T00:55:00.002-05:00

there are six weeks left in this semester. if you ask me, that is six weeks too many! i still haven't started on my research paper. i really need to start on that ASAP!

there isn't much to write, but despair, despair, and more despair. so, i will spare you the despair and write when things are looking up.

au revoir!

11 weeks left

2010-02-21T22:55:00.003-06:00

o.k. so this past week was a train wreck. i had three exams and i gained four pounds!!! yes, ladies and gentlemen, i pig out when i'm under stress; especially if i have to be up until all hours of the morning!!!! i had german choclate cake, tuna salad sandwich, cokes until i was high on sugar!! the stupid thing is that i'm so wired that when i'm finally finished, i'm too wired to go to sleep! i guess i need to quit the coke earlier. my mom has promised me that all of my teeth are going to fall out, if i keep drinking coke. i really must stop, but i find it hard. i think if coca-cola is my worst habit, i'm actually doing pretty good. (can you tell i'm in denial?)

o.k. so let's rewind:

anciet rome: i'm having to read the aeneid--again!! i read it for world lit with mrs. marez a couple of semesters ago. remember? when i read the iliad? oh, well....i really need to start working on my research paper. THIS WEEK WITHOUT FAIL!!!

language and culture: i had an exam in this class on wednesday. i did o.k., but i gave away 6 points!! is that stupid or what? of course, that is one of the days i stayed up until 2:30 a.m. and woke up at 6:00 a.m. my brain said one thing, and my hand wrote another. and on the other question, i didn't finish reading the entire question before i answered it. the last give-away was when i should have stopped for a second and REASONED WITH MYSELF!!! oh well, live and learn!!

mexican cinema: we've been watching Cantinflas. seriously, i don't get his humor. yes, it's kind of funny. but i think it is really for stupid people. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry!!! i just don't get it. what i really think is funny, is when my mom repeats one of his famous lines, "Que falta de ignorancia." when my mom says it, she is usually cutting someone down in the nicest possible way. that my friends, I LOVE!!!!

contemporary mexico: mas tragedia!! my goodness, did mexico ever get past the point of, "i'm going to shoot you because i don't agree with you!"??? let's see, madero, zapata, villa...and the hits keep coming. literally!!!!!

western civ: i have a test this tuesday. on a more serious note, my professor was speaking about elizabeth I on tuesday. he was saying that a woman's most important man in her life is that of her father's when she is a little girl. if she has a good father, she will grow up to be confident and have good self-esteem. if she doesn't...well the results could be sad. maybe it was the way he said it, maybe its that i have a more personal understanding of it, i don't know, all i know is that i nearly cried in class. what can i say? it's true.

that's it folks!! i have a new week ahead of me. i have a lot of things to do and very little energy to do it with on top of everything.

i bid you a good week! bonne semaine!!

good night, good people!!!

12 weeks left

2010-02-10T22:18:00.003-06:00

yes, i know, if i have this countdown attitude, i will not enjoy the "moment." but truth is that i can't wait for this semester to be over (and it technically just started)!

i feel like although i'm taking history classes, which i love, i'm taking history classes that i HAVE TO take. i really don't know what is wrong with me. i'm beat for one thing. i get about 4 1/2 hours of sleep on average. i have an awful pain at the nape of my neck. i'm really starting to get concerned. seriously. either i have just have some sort of permanent stress disorder, or i have some sort of malignant...i don't even want to mention the word.

i can't say that i have hated everything about these first couple of weeks. so, i will write about some of the things that i have liked.

1. in ancient rome: just learning about rome is interesting. i should probably use the word fasicnating, but i'm too tired to express myself in that way. i'm working on a research paper (at least trying to) on julian, whom some historians have lableled as the last pagan. my job is to prove it (or something along those lines?). i have read alittle. but i have a ways to go.

2. language and culture: today we saw a short clip of the "I Love Lucy Show." we saw it and did not hear any of the conversation. the purpose of this was for us to read their body language. this is pretty much the scene: ricky walks in upset, he calls lucy, lucy comes in and tries to hug ricky, who is apparently upset, etc., etc., i want to see the episode now.

3. mexican cinema: el compadre mendoza is the first film we watched. tragic and thought-provoking.

4. mexican revolution: yes, again it is tragic and thought-provoking.

5. world civ ii: we started in 1492--we have also learned a lot about spain. i really like the fact that the professor has taken the time to give us the historical background of spain.

what i know: i'm tired. i really need encouragement.

throughout my academic career, i have had some excellent professors that have taught me a great deal. however, i think the best professors, the ones that i hold dear, have been the ones that have always encouraged me, as well. it means the world to me when a professor will tell me to persevere. when someone takes the time to say, "you can do it." and beyond that, i have had professors that i continue to communicate with and reach out to for guidance.

tal vez esos professores no saben cuanto unas palabras de guianza puedan ayudar a un estudiante, pero yo he recibido esas palabras con mucha gratitud. me han dada aliento para seguir esforzandome. y la verdad, ahorita estoy desanimada y cansada.

week 1 1/2

2010-01-28T10:11:00.003-06:00

well, my spring semester has officially started.

let me see, i'm not up to my eyeballs with homework, yet. i do have a lot of reading to do, however. i'm suppose to be reading "Mexican Mosaic" by Buchenau (?) and Cicero, and some other online readings that i have not yet gotten to.

so let's talk about what's going on so far:

in ancient rome: we are discussing the geography of rome. so we won't be lost and know exactly where the professor is when he speaks about the seven hills of rome. i think that pretty much covers the first week. we also had a trip to the library on friday, so that we can get started on our research papers.

i picked up an English class with Dr. Heckler on Friday. i had pretty much promised myself, my husband, and my kids that i would NOT take 5 classes. but, if i want to finish in this millennia, i really need to. so i'm taking language and culture...so far it has been a repeat or blend of grammar and descriptive linguistics from last semester. arbitrary rings a bell, and so does prescriptive and descriptive grammar/language.

in mexican cinema: we have literally sprinted through thousands of years of mexican history in a week. from the people that walked across the berring straits to the calderon election. a very compact, concise (not very detailed history), but enough to get us started on our first movie tomorrow.

in contemporary mexico: we are covering the same thing as mentioned above (it is the same professor) up until benito juarez (yesterday). the class will cover 1910-present. so, i think we are just about to start on the real class material.

in world civ. II: guess what? it is pretty much starting with columbus, cortes, the treaty of tordesillas....so my life and classes pretty much feel like groundhog day (the movie). yes, again, i have heard of ysabella and ferdinand. etc., etc. i think we are suppose to have a quiz today. lucky for me, i lost my folder with my notes on friday at pan-am.

what i know:

this is semester is going to pick up speed and come at me fast and furious. i need to prepare. i guess that means that i should stop blogging and get ready for class.

interesting coincidence, though. in my hemingway class, my professor explained to us the significance of Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Well, my civ II professor in speaking of spain, said that the best paella he has ever eaten was in Santiago de Compostela. so i guess i have to someday visit the place for its historic significance and for its awesome paella. don't you think?

spring comes early

2010-01-05T22:21:00.004-06:00

well, so much for loving my semester break. :(

i received an early email from one of my professors, who is anxious to dive into Ancient Rome. hmm? what i'm trying to decide is whether or not this is a good thing. yes, i can get a head start on one of my classes. no, i don't to start worrying about my classes.

oh, well...

Shall we dive in?

the first book is The Nature of the Gods by Cicero. so, i made the long trek to the university bookstore today to buy it. i have started on the introduction and have had to stop to look up 2 things. (and please forgive me if i sound stupid!)

1. what does Hellenistic mean? i'm sure i was suppose to have learned that in my civ I class, but it just doesn't ring ANY bells.

well, according to the merriam-webster definition it is:

of or relating to Greek history, culture, or art after Alexander the Great.

of or relating to the Hellenists, which is a person living in Hellenistic times who was Greek in language, outlook, and way of life but was not Greek in ancestry.

2. what does the translator mean when he writes, "This early acquaintance with prominent figures...made him the most highly educate of emergent orators when he embarked on a forensic career in his mid-twenties.."

surely, Cicero was not part of CSI, right? or would it be RSI for Rome Special Investigation. what does CSI even mean? i never watch the show.

no, my dear reader, upon further investigation into the merriam webster dictionary, i believe forensic means his public career. the definition is: belonging to, used in, or suitable to courts of judicature, or to public discussion and debate.

o.k. so now i've moved past page xv. i still have a lot of pages left in the introduction. i wonder how much more "research" i will have to do in order to get through this book.

i'm going to spend another 10 minutes reading and call it a night.

bonsoir et bonne annee!

break it down

2009-12-29T00:31:00.006-06:00

i'm on break, and it feels wonderful...

for the most part, anyway. i need to figure out which classes i will take next semester. trying to see into a crystal ball is proving pretty tricky. what to do? what to do? yes, i really wish someone could take me by the hand and say, "look little patricia, you must take this class and this class and then all of your requirements will fall into place. not only that, but you will thoroughly enjoy your classes and quite possibly become an intellectual!"

this is what i know for sure about which classes i must take next semster:

i must dabble in latin american history. AN ABSOLUTE MUST!!! DEGREE REQUIREMENT MUST!!!

and that is it. according to the academic advisor (and you know that academic advisors have never steered students wrong ;) the world is my oyster. i can take any other class i want.

i'm sorry, my dear reader, i have rambled on long enough. i will put my soapbox away for now. good night.

if...

2009-12-15T12:32:00.002-06:00

if i was to tell you that this semester has been the most difficult one EVER, would you call me a crybaby? never in my years of college had i ever taken 15 hours. madness, i tell you, madness! i am glad it is all over! well...kind of...there is that nerd in me that loves to learn, you know!!

i still have my grammar test tomorrow. (the one i should be studying for--instead of blogging about.) perhaps i like blogging because it SO much like blabbing. i love to talk, and talk, and talk; just ask my husband. and i guess blogging is talking with my hands. but, i really must study...i have to review all the conjunctions, relative clauses, dangling modifiers, etc., etc.,

au revoir!! bon chance a vous!!

speaking of french, i am still actively pursuing my french lessons. j'etudie le francais les vendredi avec hana et pauline. mais, je dois etudie le grammaire anglais maintenant. un jour mon coeur me dit que je veux etre professeur en France. Je pense que je serais tres contente et j'aurais une vie heureuse. C'est un beau reve, n'est pas?

(i don't have my french dictionary handy, but i hope i wrote that correctly.)

it's almost over

2009-12-08T11:38:00.002-06:00

if i could call a friend right now...

i would tell her that i DO NOT WANT to write my final exam essays for my literary theory course. i'm tired, and i'm tired, and i'm tired...

but i need to encourage myself in christ and finish my race.

happy tuesday to all of you!

Redeeming My Time

2009-10-22T11:44:00.004-05:00

ever since i started my college career, i have felt this desperate need to redeem the time i lost after high school. you see, i am not your traditional student...i messed up my life in so many ways after i graduated from high school. so, i have felt blessed with the opportunity to redeem myself. the wonderful opportunity, however, came with a huge responsibility: DO IT RIGHT!!! thus, i have been killing myself for each grade. i have struggled through many semesters, but i have never faltered. you see, my dear reader, i was trying to redeem my past. in vain i have tried, only to come to the sudden realization that i can't. only Jesus can redeem me--my past, my fears, and my sins.

***********************************************

Below is a beautiful poem written by Jael Sprinkle. Thank you so much!!!

She sits and studies in a chair
Near the window
With clear air
Filtering through
Releasing cares of
Her grow-up life.

She's a girl again
Sweet and pretty
With a mind and a will
And a dream

But the woman inside her
brings the fight that lights
her alive and gives her a drive
and keeps her turning
page upon page upon
pencil scratched page
til she's written the world
exactly the way
she wishes.

It's a fight-

And the light's gone low
her supper's cold
but she closes her book and
turns off the lamp.
Quietly she crosses the living room
to kiss her sleeping husband who waited
until he dozed on the couch, the television on.
She presses "off" then makes her way down
the hall to her sleeping daughters
to catch a glimpse of their small faces
to remember the reason she's turning the pages
of a life once stale, now full, overflowing
with trying and fighting and pushing and moving
everything around until it fits
just the way she wanted it.

Her life, once small, now large enough
for grandchildren and intelligent love
and students that might never have known
this lovely world that she has presented to them
from the crisp pages
she was up til midnight
crafting with her very soul
to move their very souls
to see the world
she wrote for her children's children.

You have my every confidence. Hang in there friend!!

for the week ending 10/16

2009-10-18T16:36:00.003-05:00

well, another week is in the books. i did so-so and i'm just glad the week is over. there are now officially eight weeks left in the semester. and, eight times 3 is 24, so that means that i have 24 more days of this agonizing term left.

grammar: we learned about adverbs and particles. particles are actually a lot of fun. they can be moved around in a sentence with no problem. i.e. Gage put off the operation. Gage put the operation off. She turned in the exam. She turned the exam in. OFF and IN are the particles and they can be moved around in a sentence. adverbs, on the other hand, are not fun at all! i actually have to engage my brain...

hemingway: we started a farewell to arms. i wish i had read romeo and juliet. a farewell to arms is suppose to be hemingway's romeo and juliet and i don't see the comparisons because i've never read romeo and juliet.

american novel: we are still reading the scarlet letter. what can i say? dimmesdale put himself through hell for not confessing. hester, on the other hand, seems to me like she gave the puritans "h*ll" by defiantly wearing the scarlet letter.

descriptive linguistics: i missed monday's lecture, and i had a lost feeling all week. i missed the lecture on prepositional phrases. we took a quiz on friday. i know for sure that i labeled "may" as a complement, when it was really an auxilary verb. oh, well...

literary theory: I'M DYING!!!!!!! i really don't get "IT." i think the schools are fighting over abstract things that will never have an absolute answer. to think that some people have made this their life's work is mind-boggling!

en francais: i'm still trying to learn french. i am reading "le petit prince." c'est tres interessant!

that is it for this past week. i need to work on some homework that is due tommorow.

au revoir!

for the week ending on 10/08

2009-10-09T16:21:00.002-05:00

this week was a mixed bag. on the one hand, i received excellent grades on two tests. on the other hand, I AM BEAT!!! i feel beat both mentally and physically. And, there is still nine more agonzing weeks before this is all over.

but, here we go:

Grammar: Are "a" and "an" indefinite or definite articles? Well, let me tell you, judging by the three points I lost on the test, they are INDEFINITE articles. If I had taken the time to engage my brain, I think I would have gotten the right answer.

let me see, what else? we started studying adverbs today. i think adverbs are the hardest, most misunderstood, i-don't-want-to-study-them kind of words. why? i guess because they are unclear to me. for example, i have adjectives down pat: a part of speech that modifies a noun. i.e., beautiful, handsome, pretty, etc. but, adverbs modify verbs. hmm? if they end in -ly, i have no problem. but, enough already about adverbs.

Hemingway: i took a test last friday and did well. what would i be able to say about hemi that would add to the extensive scholarship that already exists? NOTHING!! we read short stories all of this week; mostly about Italy. i do wonder, though, if he saw/experienced first hand the change of values after wwi. we all know that he served with the italians during the war, but did he realize all that had changed after the war when he went back?

American Novel: we have started reading the scarlet letter. ah, hester, hester, why did you get yourself into so much trouble? was dimmesdale worth it? or was it that chillingsworth was not worth keeping? the puritans, you must admit, were extremely harsh and practically Godless. they had NO mercy! perhaps my statement is harsh, but i wonder how could they demonstrate God's mercy?

Descriptive Linguistics: oh, my goodness! trees, trees, and more trees. S--> NP VP. or S--> NP VP PP, something like that. we took a quiz today...

Literary Theory: dr. b lectured on historical criticism and the yellow wallpaper. she nearly had a confession out of me. "yes, it's too true! i am the woman in the yellow wallpaper trying desperately to get out! i have need to work--I have not worked these passed 11 years."
ay, ay, ay...

et parce qu'est vendredi, aujourd'hui, je suis allee a mon "cours" de francais.

i didn't do too well. i need to take these french lessons more seriously.

that is all folks!

we will see what the next week will bring.

bien a vous!

The French Correction

2009-09-28T23:27:00.003-05:00

Below is an email conversation with my French tutor. Her email is the first one, of course, she is responding to what I sent her (which is the second one--with all the corrections). What can I say, but "Ben, un jour je poudrais ecrive le francais." (I think that is right, I don't know. I should probably include it in my next email to her.)

Hello!

I'm soo sorry to hear that you're not good, but don't worry, your normal classes and your home come first! French tutoring should not be a burden for you so if you feel too busy, stressed or tired don't worry... you'll just do the excercise later, even if it's a week after!Your French is not bad at all (I corrected some things, but it's still good :) ).

For now I'll just say try to rest !!! and Good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure everything will go well :)

Good night !

I feel like i should label this email with a warning, such as:

CAUTION: You are about to read horrible French--please forgive me for I know not what I write!

Bonjour!

Ça va pas mal [you would say "ça va mal" or "ça ne va pas" and if you want to insist on the fact that it's you, you should say "je vais mal" or "je ne vais pas bien"] (is it avec moi? to say that it doesn't go well with me. or do I say pour moi--to say for me?) Je suis très occupée parce que mon emploi du temps c'est [no need for "c'" you should say mon emploi du temps est très chargé] très chargé. Demain je passer [je passes] un examen dans mon cour [de] descriptive linguistics. C’est très difficile ! Mais, je ne veux pas étudier plus. [it's ok!] (I’m trying to say that I don’t want to study anymore.) Je suis très fatiguée maintenant. Je fais [you should use past tense, and you would say then "j'ai fais" ] le ménage aujourd’hui, parce que je suis le esclave/slave/esclava [ une esclave] dans ma maison et j’etudie aujourd’hui, aussi. Je veux faire mes devoirs du [de] Français demain après mon cours.

Au revior !

what i've learned/what i know

2009-09-20T17:12:00.009-05:00

several years ago, i would post these entries throughout my semester. i want to start writing them again. i think they give me a good pulse on how my semester is going. they also help me count my long weeks down. so here we go:

what i've learned:

school started on august 31, and tomorrow will be september 21--i guess that is about three weeks? (i really don't feel like doing the math :)

Grammar:

it turns out i really like the professor, dr. heckler. although he seems like a very serious man, he has these little quirks and sayings that make him very affable. so far i've done o.k. in the class. i do remember, however, a homework assignment that appears to be bleeding profusely. my only saving grace is that homework is only corrected, but not graded--thank you Lord! another very interesting tidbit I've learned is the origin of the word grammar. according to the professor it comes from the greek word "gramma" which means something in writing. and then the french word grammaire which was a combination of occult and learning. the occult learning, of course, was done when the church prevented the people from learning how to read or write. therefore, it was done in secret. he had another comment on the word spell--which could mean putting words together with the alphabet or as in magic, a magic spell. i don't know about you, but i find that kind of nerdy stuff very interesting!

Hemingway:

we have mostly gone through his short stories and should be starting The Sun Also Rises tomorrow. my biggest connection or apparent thought process is whether or not Hemingway meant to correlate the still born baby at the end of A Farewell to Arms to the fake peace agreements after World War I. when i worked on a mid-term for my history class last semester, i came across that theme. it was by a guy named Edmond Taylor in his book, The Fall of the Dynasties, written in 1963. this is what he thought WWI was about and its consequences, "...the story of the decline and fall and rebirth of despotism, of blind leaders and deluded masses of old wrongs perpetuated and of new ones imposed, of revolution leading to war and war leading to revolutions, of peace still-born, of hopes once more aroused and again betrayed, of vast regressions, of one small, halting step forward" (397). i don't know, haven't studied enough to know if Hemingway was making that same connection, but i think it a nice coincidence (even if it exist only in my brain).

Dev. of Am. Novel:

seriously, i have no opinion to give. or rather, i will keep it to myself for now. suffice it to say, i want my money back!!!!

Descriptive Linguistics:

this is proving to be a hard class. is it ox/en or oxen. how many morphemes? is it human/itari/an? discreteness? arbitrariness? mode of communication? morphology? phonology? i must say, it is all GREEKOLOGY to me! i will find out tomorrow (probably) when the professor returns the quiz.

Survery of Literary Theory:

this week we read "The Yellow Wallpaper" and "Ode on a Grecian Urn." i so wished that i had paid a little more attention to the presentation on the yellow wallpaper given by some students when i was in mrs. sample's class. i must admit that i had never read the story in its entirety. apparently the woman is suffering from post-partum depression. but, it is my impression that she had suffered all of her life with mental illness; which is what i wrote because i think the professor wanted to hear our thoughts--no matter how crazy (no pun intended, of course) they were. as far as Keats poem, my pitiful attempt at interpreting the last sentence, "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,"--that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know" is that the beauty of the grecian urn is the only thing (perhaps not the only thing, but an important thing) that has remained from that ancient civilization. that is my story, and i guess i can stick to it, until someone tells me why i'm wrong.

what i know:

i know that my body is breaking down. i have awful pains in my legs. and i'm trying to get back into jogging with little success.

my one bright and shining spot in the whole week was the one hour i spent with my french tutor. je suis tres heurese. i am very happy. the bible instructs us not to despise the day of small beginnings. friday was such a day of small beginnings for me. my hope and dream is to learn french. c'est mon reve.

a bientot!

senior citizen

2009-09-03T07:50:00.006-05:00

my senior year at the university of texas-pan american began this week. oh my goodness! i am terrified. i don't know what i will do, or if i will graduate in may. not only do all the stars have to line-up, but so do all the classes that i need to fulfill my double major requirements. i am taking five (yes, 5) english classes. i don't think i was thinking clearly when i signed up for them. but maybe if i try to explain it to myself, it will make sense to me.

why i'm taking the 5 english classes i signed up for this semester

first of all, i'm taking English Grammar.

i don't think i need to do a lot of explaining--i need help! the class and professor seem very interesting. he has little quirks that i am teaching my brain to ignore--such as a sort of bouncing up on his toes when he speaks.

my second class is Hemingway.

i am taking this class with a professor i had last semester. he is an awesome professor and it was really an easy choice.

my third class is Development of the American Novel. i signed up for this class because i am hoping that by reading the historical novels of american history it will sort of fill out my history major. we will be reading novels such as The Last of the Mohican's, Red Badge of Courage, The Grapes of Wrath, etc.

my fourth class is Descriptive Linguistics. this class is a required course for english majors--so i really didn't have a choice. the class is surprisingly very interesting! i have learned amazing things (like why my daughters are still not speaking spanish), in the first two days of class.

my fifth class is Survey of Literary Theory. again, this is a required course for english majors. i really don't have an opinion of the class because we have been going over the rules and procedures and how to use blackboard. it actually sounds a little bit scary! ideas that are above my IQ.

there it is in a nutshell--no history classes. i told my husband that i feel like i am eating my vegetables this semester (except for the hemingway class), and i will have my dessert next semester when i can take my history classes.

Dub-ya

2009-08-27T22:58:00.002-05:00

i received my first W on my transcript during the second summer session. i had never before dropped or withdrawn from a class. ashamedly so, i feel like a loser and a quitter. i feel like i quit on something and up until then i had not been a quitter. struggle as i might have, i had never quit! due to unavoidable issues (that i don't want to go into right now), i could not see myself successfully negotiating the course.

oh well, c'est la vie!

other than that small snag, i have been fine. my next semester starts on monday, and i really don't want to think about it. i am going to be swamped with fifteen hours.

i guess we will see...

what i learned in french class

2009-05-15T08:15:00.005-05:00

Chere Amie,

Comment-vas tu? Est-ce que tu vas bien? Je m'appelle Patricia. Je suis etudiante a l'universite "University of Texas-Pan American." J'ai 36 ans et j'ai deux filles. Mes filles sont tres sociables. Mon mari est tres agreable, aussi. Je voudrais parler francais parce que j'aime le francais! Je veux voyager en France un jour. Un jour je veux etre professeur de litterature ou histoire americain en France. J'etudie l'histoire americain, la litterature, et le francais ce semestre. J'aime beaucoup l'historie, aussi.

Voici mon emploi du temps. Le lundi, le mecredi, et le vendredi je vais a l'universite. A neuf heures moins le quart, je vais a mon cours d' historiography. Le professeur c'est Dr. Faubion. Apres mon cours d'historiography, je vais a mon cours du Francais. Mon professeur c'est Madame Fara. Ensuite, je vais a mon cours de l'litterature a onze heures moins le quart. Mon professeur c'est Dr. Laprade. Apres mon cours de l'litterature, je vais manger. J'ai une heure et demie pour manger. Ensuite je vais a mon derniere cours de l'histoire avec mes professeurs Dr. Weaver et Dr. Faubion. Apres tous mes cours, je suis tres fatiguee!

qu'est que vous pensez?

voici une photo de ma famille:

almost dead..umm... i mean done

2009-05-06T22:36:00.002-05:00

i am in the final lap of this miserable semester. i took my final in historiography today, and i feel incredibly stupid! can you imagine missing the same question THREE TIMES??? yes, that is exactly what i did. mind you, i studied yesterday. i have this grayish mass in between my two ears that kept telling me the wrong answer. for some inexplicable reason, i kept using this word association thing that didn't give me the right answer. Braudel was a proponent of macrohistory. but, much to my desperate chagrin, i kept wanting to say that braudel=broad which meant microhistory. seriously, i think that if i took the test again tomorrow, i WOULD STILL GET IT WRONG!!!

on another note, i dropped a maymester course that i had foolishly signed up for. what was i thinking that i could get my girls to school by 7:20 a.m. every day for three weeks. it was a fail proof way to disaster. plus, once i remembered all of the end of the school year assemblies and celebrations, i figured i would have to miss most of them. i really didn't want to miss these special days that will never return.

so, then, i have to ask myself, "who cares if i'm 50 years old and decrepit by the time i get a bachelor's degree?"

until a research paper do us part...

2009-04-15T00:12:00.004-05:00

my quasi love affair with writing is on the rocks. i am trying to finish up my research paper, and i have writer's block. it is actually painful to write. what's ironic about this whole thing is that i can write forever. i like to write. and to add to the stupidity of all of this, I'VE DONE MY RESEARCH!! yes, that's right, i've gone through at least 15-20 sources, some primary and some secondary. i have the material that i need, but i can't write.

i'll tell you what is at the root of the matter. i was told that i needed to type 20-30 pages. anytime i am given a NUMBER OF PAGES, i freeze! i can't think of anything, but the NUMBER!! the last time i had a paper due for this history class, 8 was the magic number and i completely froze on that, too!

to add to how crazy and pathetic this is, i remember writing excessively in my other history classes i took at del mar. they were darn near dissertations or at the very least a thesis. the professor would ask for 14 lines in a response or writing assignments and i would write paragraphs upon paragraphs until i had several pages.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????

does anyone out there have the same thing happen?

by the way, the paper is due tomorrow. i, my dear reader, will turn it in late on thursday. i just can't do it. i have 12 pages (i know because every time i write a sentence i scroll down to the end of my document to see how much more i have to go!!)

signs of life

2009-03-30T22:02:00.008-05:00

i went out to run today...and it felt great! i need to get my rear in gear if i'm going to run in beach to bay. i believe it is in 7 weeks. i'm going to give my activity logs another shot.

so here we go...

Monday: jogged for 20 minutes (at a half decent pace) and walked for 10 minutes (mas o menos)

i will see you back here tomorrow.

on the french front:

bonjour, mon ami. comment-vas tu? est-ce que tu vas bien? je suis tres fatiguee parce que je suis alle a l'universite au jourd'hui. je vais dormir. a bientot!

my life...

2009-03-26T10:39:00.003-05:00

my life is a beautiful idea that i all too often neglect.

why? i, like my namesake in the bible, am regularly caught up with the blasted details of life's trifles. the unforgiving daily chores that become fastidious taskmasters. CLEAN THE KITCHEN! WASH THOSE DISHES! WASH THE NEVER ENDING MOUNTAIN OF LAUNDRY!

all the while, life (as beautiful as it is) is passing me by...

a streetcar named Degenerate

2009-03-26T08:52:00.004-05:00

i don't think i have ever had such a strong reaction against a piece of literature as i feel for this play. i simply don't see any artistic value in it--i think it is as degenerate as they come. i particularly didn't like the last scene.

my question, then, is why and how is it that this play can be called a classic? it is entirely possible that i am too closed minded and a simpleton. i fail, however, to see any redeeming qualities of a play in which a mentally ill woman is raped by her bestial brother-in-law and then sent to an asylum by her callous and calculating sister!

signed? sealed? and not delivered?

2009-03-21T17:08:00.003-05:00

in vain have i waited...i have waited in vain. (how's that for redundancy?)

seriously, i have waited in vain to read about how wonderful and great i am as a scholar. i have patiently awaited the good news, but to no avail. you see, i asked two professors for letters of recommendation, so that i may apply for a scholarship. i have not received either one of them. i'm in denial, of course, and i'm blaming the awful postal service. those dirty, rotten scoundrels have misplaced my letters! i'm sure of it.

on a more serious note, i'm still grounded as far as my research paper goes. i do have one sentence that i would love to include, but i'm not sure it's very scholarly. it goes something along these lines, President Truman's remark on April 23, 1945 echoed the pragmatic and not so diplomatic sentiments of some Americans, "...if the Russians did not wish to join us they could go to hell." the story is very interesting, especially since we have the advantage of seeing how all of the events of the cold war played out. i'm sure they were very trying times, however. the fact that diplomacy did not prevail, and that the u.s. and russia endured such harsh international relations for decades is sobering.

saturday night research fever

2009-03-14T23:00:00.004-05:00

it's a saturday night, and i'm working on a research paper. does that sound wrong or what?

the first five pages of my research paper are due the wednesday i get back from spring break. i really want to do well on this paper, so i'm trying to gather the information i need. the paper is on the marshall plan and the coming cold war. i like the topic (i should, i chose it!), but i really don't have the energy to work on it. i have been gathering info here and there. i've read "the tragedy of american diplomacy" and find williams arguments very interesting.

this is me leading the glamorous life of a student! i'll tell you what, it "ain't" easy being a renaissance girl.

so here is to all the moms trying to get a college degree with kids, husband, house, and everything else in tow!!!

mid-term mania

2009-03-06T16:11:00.004-06:00

well...you know you are up to your eyeballs in mid-terms when...

i was in the library studying for an exam. when i went to buy a blue book and a drink, i told the attendant, "i'm taking the drink and the mid-term." (all the while pointing at the blue book) i think she understands mid-term speak because she just grabbed the blue book and handed it to me.

party time

2009-03-05T21:24:00.004-06:00

(as in pity party!!)

it's my blog, and i'll wah-wah if i want to...wah-wah if i want to...you would wah-wah too if it happened to you... (i would use cry, but i'm too much of a chicken and worry about copyright rules :)

i'm at my wits end!!! no puedo mas!!!

i'm under a pressure cooker, and this goose is cooked!!

if i was to be perfectly honest with you my dear, dear reader, i would tell you that my spirit is troubled and heavy. a thousand times i have asked myself what i'm doing and where in the ... did i (at my 30 something, dangerously close to 40years of age) get the idea that i could be SOMEBODY! the problem is that i can't quit. i can't quit. i can't quit. why? i'm glad you asked. i can't quit because i'm the star of my own story, "THE LITTLE IDIOT THAT COULD."

yes, that's right folks! step right up, step right up, and see this little dumb*#@ attempt what is downright and outright outlandish. will she or won't she? will she break under the pressure and give up on herself? or won't she seem all the more pathetic for trying? what will it be? right now it's any body's guess.

i can't be all things at all times. i can't be a college student/
mother/wife/pta/housekeeper/bookkeeper/individual.

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

**************

A time to break down,
A time to build up;

A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;

apparently, this is my time to break down. we will see what time tomorrow brings.

bonsoir mon cheri lectuer. je fait mes devoirs.

telling time

2009-02-10T22:05:00.002-06:00

i currently have about 31 hours to go for my bachelor's degree. so let me break it down: let's say that i take 6 hours in the summer, o.k. that leaves 25, right? then i take 12 in the fall, that would leave 13 right? but how do you take 13 hours? i guess i would have to take 15, and that is TOO many hours for this mama. 12 hours this semester is killing me! if i could take a maymester course, that would be awesome! but, what kind of history course or english course can you take in two weeks? and, by the way, six hours in the summer sounds like murder to me. i have to figure out childcare and work load for the classes, and a host of other things.

sometimes i wish i could stand on a bench at u.t.p.a and preach to young girls. "look at me, i'm struggling to raise a family, keep a house afloat, check my kids homework and do my homework! don't be a fool (like me!) and stay in school!" but, other than the little thing of making a real fool out of myself, would the young girls listen? probably not. i guess we each have to make our own mistakes, and then we have to live with them. to each his or her own mistake.

no olive branch, yet

2009-02-08T23:17:00.003-06:00

a few posts ago, i wrote about "what i want to say." well...i haven't had much success in one of the categories. i wrote to someone who i have sort of drifted away from, but the dove has not returned with any signs. perhaps it died in flight, i don't know. have you ever had that happen to you? {honestly, we know that is a rhetorical question because there are no comments on this blog.} you send out a communication offering and not see it returned? you wonder if you did something, or perhaps (worse, yet) you know that there was something, but can't really define what "it" was that caused the silience.

there is a situation, though, in my life in which, i'm the one that has not returned the phone calls, and probably never will. i'm too hurt, and i can't seem to forgive. until i stop feeling hurt, offended, and rejected, I don't think I can forgive.

enough with the sad, sob story for now, though. i have to read for historiography. we will probably have a quiz, and i don't want to have an anxiety attack when the time comes.

au revoir, mon cheri lecteur. je fait mes devoirs.

gotta run

2009-02-05T10:24:00.005-06:00

i'm in the throes of silent rebellion. i don't want to exercise! i haven't ran since november. why? i guess because i just don't want to. my knees have been bothering me slightly and that is enough for me to "punk out." my problem, however, is that if i'm going to run in my 6th beach-to-bay in may, i need to start running. running in corpus christi in may is a lovely daydream i like to entertain, so i'll probably start running this week. i'll keep you all posted. a distant memory of bygone posts about activity logs rings a fading bell.

school is going fine, though. i like my classes for the most part. i need to get busy with my research paper on the marshall plan and the coming cold war. all i need is PLAN! that, and to be told what to do. i work better when i'm told what to do. some people are born to lead, and others are born to follow. i think i fall in the latter (as pathetic as that sounds). ;)

school daze

2009-01-15T15:08:00.002-06:00

do you remember the little school bus cut-out that the children wear the first days of school. the one with yarn? the one that has their name, the name of their teacher, and classroom number, etc., in case they get lost? i sure could of used one yesterday! i worked up the cran to ask the French professor if i could be an auditor in her class, and she said yes. Great! right? well i was so excited about my second day of french, i completely forgot about my american literature class right after! i strolled down to a computer lab after the free french class, printed some lecture notes for my afternoon class, went to the student union to buy some coffee...and then i woke up and smelled it!! it suddenly dawned on me that i was supposed to be in my literature class, not parading down campus! i rushed out like a sort of goblin running with my cup of coffee and spilling it all over my hand (had it been scalding, i would have had second degree burns to be sure!). i walked into class with my racing heart in my hand, hoping that i would not be counted absent. ay, ay, ay!!!

how to make so-so banana bread

2009-01-09T14:56:00.004-06:00

due to our collective "hard times" as a country, i have decided to become more...let me see, what is the word? FRUGAL??? so, i did not want to throw out some very ripe bananas that were on the counter and decided to make banana bread, instead. however, although my name is Martha, my last name is definitely not Stewart. :)

first i had to get a recipe for banana bread from the food network website. then i had to make several trips to the grocery store. so much for ending global warming with me up and down the road. on the upside, however, maybe it (wasting gas) is good for the economy? i don't have the staples of a baker in my house: parchment paper, baking soda (the kind i could use and not the kind i could get from my refrigerator), and i forgot what else. so, after wrangling all the ingredients, i proceed to make the five star banana bread. Then I made a fatal mistake:

"Do you want some banana bread?" I ask my husband.

"How does it taste?" he answers with a question.

My six year old pipes up, "It taste so-so."

i looked sharply at her and thought of firing off, "First of all, I don't think a six year old has a true appreciation for GREAT banana bread. Furthermore, I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO BETTER!!"

but, i didn't want to enter into a battle of wits. but, my banana bread has officially been renamed the "so-so banana bread." the five star recipe i printed somehow didn't get the five star treatment at my house.

what i want to say

2009-01-06T23:10:00.003-06:00

this is year, i have decided that i will not leave things unsaid. so, with that in mind:

i have so many people that i need to write to or call. old friends, that i'm not even sure if they are still friends. why? well, things change, i've moved around a couple of times. and then there are the misunderstandings, etc., etc. i will start tomorrow by writing to at least one person on that list.

i want to say "thank you" to the people that have helped me. sometimes, i get in such a hurry, that i forget to acknowledge their help. for example, the other day i had a doctor's appointment and my neighbor picked up my kids from school and kept them until my husband picked them up. i don't recall saying thank you (and that eats at me because i'm really grateful, but as it stands now, i'm just rude).

i want to write my dreams/goals/aspirations down in black and white; as crazy and far-fetched as they might be. let me give this a stab: my heart yearns for california. why? i have no one to visit there, but for some crazy and oddball reason i want to go to california. my heart pulls me that way. my dad used to work there in the canneries when i was young. perhaps because california was a part of my formative years, i feel a connection to it. another reoccurring day dream is the one that i live on a beautiful mexican hacienda and my life is beyond laid back. i have no worries about money, my daughters are grown and are successful, and my biggest decision is what delicious meal i will have for lunch (around 3:00 p.m.). hmm, let's see will it be enchiladas, chiles rellenos, or mole? i can see the hacienda in my mind. it has a wrap around arched portal all around it. the courtyard is carpeted with lush grass and i have most of my afternoon meals there. sheltered under a huge tree is an ornate wrought iron table covered with fine linens and exquisite place settings. the only thing i haven't figured out is if i live on the hacienda before or after i teach american or british history and literature in one of the universities in Queretaro. my husband says that with the situation in mexico getting worse every day, he will NEVER live in mexico. but, a girl can dream, can't she? of course, the usual far-away-lands are part of my day dreams, such as Paris, London, etc. ;) after reading four books on napoleon this past semester, i would love to travel in Europe. reading the guns of august now is only flaming that desire.

above everything, i want to say i'm sorry. i'm sorry for anything i might have said, intentionally or not, to anyone and hurt his/her feelings. i don't want to live with remorse. when i've talked to my mom about things i would have liked to either work out differently or things in the past i want to change, she only says, "seria muy bonito si la vida fuera perfecta, pero no es patricia. nos equivocamos porque no somos perfectos." so there you have it folks, i've hurt others because i'm not perfect. i've made wrong decisions for the same reason. all i can do now is try to redeem my time through Jesus Christ.

My 2008 Resolutions Revisited

2008-12-27T22:51:00.013-06:00

My 2008 Resolutions Revisited:

1. try to enjoy my classes! i did so-so in this category. i enjoyed most of them.

2. do not procrastinate! use my planner to stay organized* of course, this didn't pan out!! :)

3. i will be ecstatic if i receive a B in math. i got an "A" with the help of a tutor and an exorbitant amount of money!!

4. begin applying for scholarships for the fall semester. see number two on my list (the P in my name stands for Procrastinator!! ;)

other resolutions i have are as follows:

1. finish reading "Founding Brothers" by Joseph Ellis this month. (i've been reading it since this summer!) another resolution i didn't keep.

2. after i finish the aforementioned, i would like to read a book on Thomas Jefferson. that way ican work on my other lofty goal of reading a book on every president; TJ is next on my list. let's see that would leave me only forty more presidents to go, easy as pie, remember?
o.k., i did read some, but not all of this book. i'll just tack it on to this year's resolutions.

3. i have read two out of the ten plays in the book, "Ten Greek Plays in ContemporaryTranslations." i have read "Agamemnon" and "Oedipus Rex." i would like to read theremaining eight plays this year. yet another aborted resolution.

But, here is something that i did learn this year: Poetry speaks to the heart.

i didn't realize how the poetry i read this semester would affect me so profoundly.

One poem that I can't get out of my thoughts is Ulysses by Tennyson. I keep thinking of the line that says that every experience is an arch... I love that line. (i am going to have to revisit this post because there are too many things i want to write about this poem, but i have to stop here tonight.)

Ulysses
by Lord Alfred Tennyson

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers;
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,--
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfill
This labor, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail;
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me,--
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads,-- you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honor and his toil.
Death closes all; but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks;
The long day wanes; the slow moon climbs; the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends.
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

she hasn't sung yet!!

2008-12-10T19:32:00.002-06:00

the old saying goes, "it ain't over till the fat lady sings..."

well my semester "ain't" over yet, even though i have already quit! can you believe it? i have given up on myself. despite my husband's continually encouragement, i can't seem to focus on the two finals i have tomorrow--to me they are a lost cause.

philosophy is kicking my butt! truth tables? prisoner's dilemma? i'll tell you about MY dilemma!

as far as history (yes, the class that i love!), i did not move on to the Victorian period with the rest of the class because i was still researching napoleon for my fourth book critique! and... by the way i turned in my fourth book critique late!!

never had i fallen on my face like that. the weeks leading up to this mess have been a series of unfortunate events.

2008-12-03T14:57:00.003-06:00

my semester is drawing to a close. how do i feel about that? well...absolutely relieved to be sure. but, doesn't it sometimes feel like it all comes to an abrupt end? even after all you have done is waited for the end? each semester is a like a miniature life cycle, and yes, i do feel very aged at the end. yesterday was the last day of classes, and my final exams (for two classes) will be next Thursday.

on another note, a poem that we read in my literature class has really stayed with me: Spring and Fall by Gerard Hopkins. Hopkins writes about the unleaving of a tree. but, what has almost haunted me is Dr. H's lecture. he stated that, of course, the tree is a metaphor for us. therefore, just like the tree "unleaves" (loses its leaves) one by one in the fall, so do we lose "days" of our lives. i told my 96 year old grandmother about the poem. i don't think she liked it, perhaps she thought i was being mean. but, in truth, she is the one that started it! she was saying that she never realized she was getting old. she said that she has just lived her days one at a time. one day at a time until there was 96 years altogether. AMAZING!!

how many leaves have you lost?

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844-1889)

Spring and Fall:
to a Young Child

Margaret, are you grieving

Over Goldengrove unleaving?

Leaves, like the things of man, you

With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?

Ah! as the heart grows older

It will come to such sights colder

By and by, nor spare a sigh

Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;

And yet you will weep and know why.

Now no matter, child, the name:

Sorrow's springs are the same.

Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed

What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:

It is the blight man was born for,

It is Margaret you mourn for.

to be heard

2008-11-20T23:15:00.004-06:00

sometimes, a person just wants to be heard. i want to be heard. i don't need a compassionate ear, or even an ear, really.

today was a ROTTEN DAY!! i know, the bible says that this is the day that the Lord has made, and that we should rejoice and be glad it in. well, i can tell you that i've had better. there was definitely no rejoicing today--just surviving.

my little one has had an ear infection; ear infections have plagued her since she was a baby. she probably gets about 4 a year. i was at the night clinic on tuesday night. i didn't get any sleep on tuesday or wednesday night. but, that is the good news. like the fool that i am, i have been over-extending myself volunteering at the school. on wednesday, i went to help with some fundraiser stuff. well, i should have been cleaning my house, but no, i should sacrifice myself and my family at the altar of pta, shouldn't i? to make an awful story short, after running to h.e.b at 10:00 p.m. to buy juice for the teacher's breakfast, I tried to "clean" what i could. then, my little one started crying because of the pain in her ear. so, i didn't get to check my girls' homework last night. this morning i checked it, but one of my oldest daughter's paper must have slipped off the table and landed on the chair (unbeknownst to me). needless to say, she got a conduct point taken off her folder, and made to stay in detention "so she could learn her lesson." I FEEL LIKE SUCH A JERK!!! she had put it in her folder, i took it out!!! i felt SO bad for her. when i apologized to her she told me that it was her fault, and that she should have made sure.

dear reader, my heart is broken. i have wept bitter tears because i saw how hard she worked to finish her homework last night. life is not only unfair, it is cruel. i made the mistake, and i hope that i am smart enough to learn from it. no longer will i put pta or volunteer work ahead of my family--they are too precious to me.

dos caminos

2008-11-11T23:06:00.010-06:00

Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

********************

i'm at the two roads ...and i'm wondering which one to take.

do i major in english or history? i love both. but i cannot say that i love them equally. i think i love history more. judging from the books on my nightstand, history is the one. i have "American Sphinx," "John Adams," (which i have already read from cover to cover!) and i think one Charlotte Bronte book that my sister gave me for my birthday.

i find my revolutionary europe class fascinating, and i would love to take all of the history classes offered at u.t.p.a. what to do? how long can i prolong or delay this decision? should i double major? if i do, i am really only delaying the decision. i would love to go to graduate school. i see myself (dare i write it?) pursuing a master's degree, but then it would definitely be in history. thesis? perhaps, but it would definitely have to be on a topic in history.

i hate to have to make decisions.

how do i hate me...let me count the ways

2008-10-27T22:44:00.006-05:00

i'm feeling especially down on myself. why? well the most immediate answer would be that i am blogging instead of tackling all the work i have to do!! my third book critique is due on thursday, and i have two more chapters to read. and i haven't been able to finish "Locksley Hall."

but, let me take a stab at my list anyway.

1. i run around like a crazy chicken...ALMOST EVERY DAY! (i've been forbidden by my oldest daughter to say "like a chicken with my head cut-off." she has told me that she can picture a chicken with its head cut off, and apparently that is too graphic for her. :)

2. i am the queen of disorganization. in an instant i can lose progress reports, library books, and as was the case tonight, school picture proofs that must be returned tomorrow!

3. although i have told myself that i will not squander my time (i.e. blogging or reading other blogs or mindlessly mapping out my myriad of semesters i have left), I STILL DO.

4. I HAVE NOT EXERCISED SERIOUSLY IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS!! i guess beach to bay was the last time i had a jogging routine/schedule. i have fended off pound after painstaking pound, but i have had to surrender to at least four of them that will not budge.

5. true to myself, i am not true to my word, when it comes to my silly commitments; the ones I make to myself. strangely, if i tell someone i will be somewhere, even though i don't want to do it at ALL, i will. if i tell my girls i will do something, i do it. i'll volunteer at the school, PTA meetings, help fellow classmates, etc. BUT, i will not commit to myself, odd isn't it?

i really should stop there, napoleon awaits me.

Good night, Good people

(i'm sure you all don't squander your time ;)

i had a dream...

2008-10-22T20:22:00.004-05:00

or should i say i've had two dreams? in both dreams i was saying goodbye to one of my aunts. the first dream i had i was saying goodbye to my tia v. i hugged her tightly and i was telling her that it was going to be alright, and that all the suffering would be over.

a couple of days after that dream, i had a another one. i dreamt that i was saying goodbye to my tia c. almost the same scenario.

funny thing is that, as i was thinking about both dreams, i had a dawning or perhaps perplexing thought. I AM THE ONE SAYING GOODBYE!! hmm? am i going somewhere that i don't know about?

although i admit it is a morbid thought, sometimes i am weary; not only physically, but spiritually and mentally. how i wish i could be in a place of peace, where there will be no more sorrows and no more tears.

so, on that sad note, i will say goodbye

hold it!

2008-10-20T22:52:00.003-05:00

what do you think you're doing? it seems like i keep hearing someone say that as i continue my slow prodding towards my degree. i have a hold for this and a hold for that. i am not tsi complete (even though i have already taken my college algebra!), or an advisement hold, etc. ENOUGH ALREADY!! can't the people at administration give me a pass for being old? like a senior citizens pass or something?
seriously, all this red tape is enough to discourage anybody, especially me!!!

my waterloo

2008-10-17T10:15:00.006-05:00

yesterday was my waterloo! (i know, boo-hoo!)

mid-terms at utpa are something i've never experienced. where do i start? i was attacked on two fronts: philosophy and english...on the same day! i don't like to be negative, but i don't think i will EVER understand venn diagrams! it went down something like this:

All horses are dogs. No dogs are ugly. So, no horses are ugly.

don't quote me on that because i really don't remember. but, i was suppose to put it in form, and draw the venn diagram. Jeez, Louise!

on the fallacies, i think i didn't do as bad. famous last words....

i am faced with a very difficult prospect: if i don't pass this test, then i have to drop the class. yes, i would HAVE to drop it because there are only two major deciding exams (the one i just took and the final). mind you, i have NEVER dropped a class. last night my husband asked me how much the class had cost. i think he muttered something about bracing himself for the news. $800 was my reply.

on the other front, english literature. yes, i love the class, but i didn't study (as much i needed to study). the test was similiar to the massacre in Mrs. Roper's american literature class. you know, the ones where all you get are lines from the poem, and you need to identify the author, the poem, and the meaning and/or significance. i (as you can read from a previous post) did not finish reading Coleridge's "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," and that is one of the questions i missed, along with William Blake's "My Heart Leaps Up."

perhaps, i am boring you with the details. but, i write more for myself. i guess because these things bother me. it is a form of therapy for me. i'm sure for you it is a form of torture (if you should happen to still be reading :).

well, dear reader, i bid you a good weekend. i will be reading two poems from Tennyson and reading my third book on my newest and dearest pal, napoleon. even though, i really wish i could finish reading Charlotte Bronte's "Villette." i was thinking that i have been investing way too much time on my history class and not enough time on the other classes. that explains my utter defeat yesterday. on the bright side, i have recognized my error and will work to fix it.

napoleon and me

2008-10-08T08:23:00.003-05:00

we are getting to know each other and are getting quite cozy. well, at least me with him because he is dead! :) my subject for the four book critiques is napoleon. thus, i have read two books about him, and i am starting on the third.

napoleon and i skipped out during my british literature class on tuesday. try as i may, my good intentions (the ones that i had for reading a chapter a day, so that i would have a whole week to write my paper) went by the wayside. or maybe they paved the way to the academia hell i went through this weekend. my whole weekend was tied up trying to finish reading Robert Holtman's book. i got very little sleep. and still, i was not finished by tuesday morning. so, i went to my first class because i skipped it when my first paper was due, and then i went to the library during my second class. and guess what? according to a girl in my literature class, there was a reading quiz. aahh! i probably wouldn't have done very well, anyway; i didn't finish reading Coleridge's poem.

on the upside of things, i was grateful for don cudd's tutoring with my critique. he has a tutoring buisness and is extremely helpful! i would hate not having my papers reviewed before turning them in.

chinny, chin, chin

2008-10-03T08:25:00.007-05:00

a long time ago (probably about thirteen years ago) my beloved Abuela Nico tapped her aged finger on my chin and prophesied over it. Like the ancient prophet Kalchas she foretold of my doom. "Cuando estes vieja se te va salir bien fea!" she said gesturing with her hand and making a rather ugly sign of what my horrible chin would look like. I thought, "Gee, what an awful prospect awaits me."

fast forward to having two outspoken daughters. As I laid in bed with my girls one night with only the hall light on, my Abuela's prophesy was fulfilled (at least according to my youngest daughter!). I guess she could see my silhouette and she grabbed my chin. "Mom, do you know who your chin reminds me of?" I don't have a clue, I thought. Then she asked her sister, "What is the name of the bad guy that comes out in Cyberspace?" I thought, "Oh, no you didn't just compare my chin to hacker's!"

Ladies and gentlemen,

May I present Hacker.

But wait! it gets better! a couple of days after that, my little one (yes, the same one that told me my chin reminds her of hacker) paid me a compliment of some sort. and i (with my feelings still hurt) rebuffed it by reminding her that my chin is UGLY! i prodded her, "who does my chin remind you of?" and my older one piped "Abraham Lincoln!"

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Honest Abe.

honestly, if i didn't have a complex about my chin, my girls are going to give me one!

ninety-two

2008-10-01T23:22:00.002-05:00

that was my grade on my first mid-term exam at u.t.pa. the grade is excellent considering i was lost. i cannot, however, rest on that grade. i have my second book critique that is due on tuesday to work on. so, plug, plug, plug away...

mother teresa in distress!

2008-09-29T00:00:00.004-05:00

my husband has told me that i have a "mother teresa" complex :) yes, it is true i want to help those in need. and yes, sometimes i should help myself first, and volunteer at my house before i go volunteering at the school. but, maybe i do it to avoid the house! oh well, i went down to the school two weeks ago friday to help out. to make a painful story short, i thought i broke the laminating machine. when i asked the woman who works in the front office whether they (meaning the repairman or tech) would be able to repair it, she only said curtly, "well, i hope so.." i felt as big as an ant! my only weak attempt at a reply was, "that will teach me to volunteer, huh?" THAT IS IT! my good will hunting days are OVER!!!! no thank you, i will just be selfish from now on. this mother teresa is officially hanging up her habit.

ADIOS la caridad!

rewriting history

2008-09-28T23:46:00.003-05:00

i took my first mid-term exam in my revolutionary history course. it was a blue book exam. who know, the ones that all you bring to class is a blue book. and, by the way, draw two squares and a big X in the middle on the first two pages...just to try and stop any cheaters! well, i wrote out my little outline and began to write. i thought i had a pretty solid first half, then i got to the second part. well, let me think...hum? i think the nobles left france at one point? didn't they? at least they should have left during the reign of terror when every one's head was getting chopped off? you would think??? and then what happened? o.k., well, they definitely sent king louis xvi to the guillotine. and then what happened? oh, yes, i think they adopted several constitutions during the interim--oh no-let me erase that.

do you get the picture? i was LOST!!!! i will get my grade on tuesday. i'm debating whether i will post it or not. what i am glad for is the fact that dr. duke only gave us essay exams and that definitely prepared me for this class. my western civilization class with dr. duke was only these types of exams. he did not believe in multiple choice. professor hart's writing about history assignments were also good practice for these types of writing exams. overall, i think i have a firm footing thanks to del mar (which by the way, i still miss tremendously!).

a quick post

2008-09-10T23:54:00.002-05:00

i am currently getting about six hours of sleep (YAWN)! as much as i try to get organize, i never do. i have to finish reading about 100 pages on napoleon, and begin writing an eight page paper that is due next tuesday. if it were in MLA format, i wouldn't be so worried. but, it is suppose to be written in chicago-style-i-don't-know-what-format and thus, i'm WORRIED!

it is going to be 12:00 a.m. and i will have to be up by 6:00 a.m. so, good night and sleep tight!

u.t.p.a

2008-08-28T23:18:00.006-05:00

I'm a big girl!!!!

I started taking classes at the university of texas pan-american this week. as i walk on campus, i feel like i have started on a new journey. i am transitioning into upper level courses, and i am very excited. this is definitely a new chapter, therefore, let me begin:

my classes: philosophy, english literature, revolutionary europe.

philosophy is a freshman course, but a required core class. it is proving to be tricky. if a is b and b is c then all a's are c. all mammals have hair, seals have hair, thus seals are mammals, etc. also, the professor introduced inductive and deductive reasoning; and some circle things that are confusing.

english literature: an absolute awesome class. our first lecture was today. we are starting in the Romantic period. i am finding that my american literature class i took in the fall of 2005 is helping me out a great deal. in mrs. roper's class we studied american romanticism (characteristics, ideas, etc.) and i guess it derives from english romanticism. excellent, excellent experience.

revolutionary europe: also a favorite class. i will write my next post about this class on my next post. we have a lengthy writing assignment (20 pages!) that i need to start working on right about now. ;)

sweet silent solace

2008-08-25T08:17:00.003-05:00

aahh!

i had forgotten how sweet silence can be for a weary stay-at-home mom. my daughters started school this morning, and i am again alone. all i can hear is the humming of my refrigerator, AND I LOVE IT!!!

however, i must not allow myself to be fooled. this solitary life will not last. i must go pay for my parking permit for utpa, get an i.d., and renew the inspection sticker on my car.

so, until next time.

peace...........:)

Del Mar Dream Redux

2008-08-21T00:38:00.007-05:00

i need to revisit my "dream." or perhaps give it a make-over. i have finished the first part of my race. but, an associate's degree is only a third of my dream. i know that becoming a college professor is no small feat! but, i am learning to be patient. :)

* * *

i am still reading Villette.

more quotes:

Each mind was being reared in slavery; but, to prevent reflection from dwelling on this fact, every pretext of physical recreation was seized and made the most of. There, as elsewhere, the CHURCH strove to bring up her children robust in body, feeble in soul, fat, ruddy, hale, joyous, ignorant, unthinking, unquestioning. 'Eat, drink, and live!' she says. 'Look after your bodies; leave your souls to me."

this charlotte bronte girl was very, very astute! she is criticizing the Catholic church. but, honestly, i think any organized religion/church is capable of having this type of power over its followers. i always think of Job and how he questioned God during his time of trial. i don't think that a God who will not answer your questions or can't be questioned is not worth serving. God answered Job.

and:

"If her [speaking of Miss Fanshawe] beauty or her brains will not serve her so far, she merits the sharp lesson of experience."

she could have easily added "her youth," but then again, i guess if she wasn't young, she would be old and experienced, like the rest of us (or at least me).

disorientation

2008-08-06T23:08:00.006-05:00

i attended a mandatory transfer orientation at utpa yesterday. i felt like it was mostly a waste of time. the fact that i am not a traditional student makes me stick out like a sore thumb. seriously, i don't need to hear about ROTC or dorms! but, oh well, what can i do, but play by their rules? i walked up and down the campus, and became more agitated by the minute. i was starving and didn't stay to register for classes. i did manage to register here at home. the historiography class and the descriptive linguistics class i wanted were closed! so, i signed up for american literature and revolutionary europe. i'm looking forward to them.

*******************************************

i finished reading Jane Eyre! what a wonderful book. i think i will be a lifetime fan of Charlotte Bronte. so much so that i have started reading Villette. And again, I am hooked. reading the book is my reward for doing my hated housework. :)

some of my favorite quotes thus far:

To myself alone could I look.

AND

I say again, madame was a very great and a very capable woman. That school offered for her powers too limited a sphere; she ought to have swayed a nation: she should have been the leader of a turbulent legislative assembly. Nobody could have brow-beaten her, none irritated her nerves, exhausted her patience, or over-reached her astuteness. In here own single person, she could have comprised the duties of a first minister and a superintendent of police. Wise, firm, faithless; secret, crafty passionless; watchful and inscrutable; acute and insensate--withal perfectly decorous--what more could be desired?

this woman sounds like my Abuela Nico!! ;)

*******************************************

Two pounds too many

2008-07-17T12:15:00.003-05:00

To the two pounds I gained this weekend:

I simply cannot accept you; you must be banished altogether. I have some suspicion as to how you both got to me. But, let me retrace my eating steps. Was it the huge torta I ate with my husband's grandmother downtown on Saturday afternoon? It was certainly delicious, and I shouldn't have devoured it all. Except, I could not throw it away, particularly since Dona Blanca had paid for it. But, it had to have been more than that. I do remember stuffing my face at the Carne Asada get-together at my brother-in-law's house on Saturday evening. That certainly could have added on the pounds. And maybe, just maybe, the huge pasta dish (with all the side salad and bread sticks) I ate at the Olive Garden played a key role, as well. But enough of my eating remembrance.

What is my plan of attack to rid myself of you? I walked for 30 minutes on Monday and Tuesday, and I jogged for 30 minutes yesterday. Yet, you all will not leave. I am truly vexed and unhappy! What must I do to expiate my consuming sin? Drink water? Eat lite? I am recommitting my life to eating in moderation, and not letting my over zealous eyes have the best of me.

I don't know how long it will take me to cleanse myself of you, but I will be victorious in the end!

2008-07-15T09:48:00.002-05:00

i am almost finished with college algebra! i will only have a month off before school starts up again. i have been a fool. i have taken too many classes, and i have not had any time off. i have been in school since last august. except for the few weeks i had in december, it has been non-stop. i feel drained. my girls have been caged up this summer, as well. my eldest daughter keeps asking me if and when we are going on vacation. i'd love to be able to tell her, but i can't. the only "vacation" might be going to houston (and that is a long shot). we will see what happens.

finito

2008-07-03T00:34:00.002-05:00

mi clase de biologia se ha terminado!!!!!!!! gracias a Dios. y tambien a mi esposo que me apoyo para poder assistir a clases durante el mes de junio.

my biology class is OVER!!! thank you, Jesus! and also my husband who supported me (by coming home at 5:30 every day, so that i could go to class).

all i have to worry about now (and it is still a BIG worry) is my college algebra course. i know, i know, boo-hoo, woe is me! but, i don't understand a lot of it. i took two quizzes tonight. on my first attempt i scored a 71% and my second attempt was a 77%. a little better, but not by much. my question is, "Who uses logarithms in real life? Or, who graphs parabolas for a living? Really?"

my secret indulgence, however, continues to be reading Jane Eyre. What a wonderful book! although i must admit that reading it late at night has turned somewhat scary because of what Jane assumes is Grace Poole's laughter in the corridors at night. sscarry!!!
i'm off to read my gothic tale.

good night.

cry me a river of tears

2008-06-24T23:31:00.003-05:00

i have had a heartbreaking feeling all semester long. not only that, a sinking feeling, as well. sinking because i am (like dante) descending into bigger and uglier pits of the college algebra inferno. july 23 cannot get here fast enough!!!!! it seems like an eternity. i don't know if all of the college algebra courses at del mar are this hard, or if this special torture is reserved for online students. it doesn't help that i don't have a professor, not even an online video professor. my anti-virus software thinks that the math plug-ins are evil. i have been paying a tutor to come help me out. ay, ay, ay. canta y no llores.

the one bright spot on this cumulus nimbus is that i went to utpa for the first time on sunday. i finally went to speak to an academic advisor for the fall. can you believe it? i think i'm going to take a descriptive linguistics class, a sociology class, and a history class. right now, that sounds a million times better than a biology and math class. :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

i have started reading Jane Eyre it is a most fascinating and heartwrenching book. so far my favorite passage is:

"I am not deceitful; if I were I should say I loved you; but I declare I do not love you; I dislike you the worst of anybody in the world except John Reed...I am glad you are no realtion of mine; ...I will never come to see you when I am grown up...I will say that the very thought of you makes me sick, and that you treated me with miserable cruelty...How dare I, Mrs. Reed? How dare I? Because it is the truth."

powerful words, don't you think? i think the truth definitely has power. (i know, it is a book!) but, Jesus said, "You shall now the truth and the truth shall set you free." Now, those are words to live by.

good night.

upon successful completion

2008-06-11T23:53:00.003-05:00

those three words are hanging over my head. upon successful completion of college algebra and biology 1409, i should be able to graduate from del mar college. the only problem is that i am inching my way through the classes! *sigh* i don't understand college algebra, and if it wasn't for the handy-dandy "help me solve this button," i don't know where i would be right now! i have 16 days left in my summer biology course, and 40 something days left in algebra, YUCK!!!!!
it isn't that biology is so hard, it is that i just don't have the stamina to go to class monday-friday from 6:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. (granted we get out early on some nights, but i'm just too old for this).

another mission impossible project is to organize my kitchen this summer.

But, like Pastor Leavell preached, "I will count it all a joy!"

until next time....

Counting the Cost

2008-05-16T00:41:00.003-05:00

if i were to add up all the late nights studying, the countless essays, innumerable tests, i would be entirely too discouraged to continue with my education. another cost is the toll all of this is taking on me physically. i feel tired ALL the time. at times i feel like my neck is about to explode. why am i doing this? this biggest cost has been extolled upon my family. my girls are shooed away, "I really need to get this done." "This assignment is due today, or due tomorrow." "I will read to you when I'm done." How can I can I continue to pursue a degree at such a high cost?

How to Lose Your Sanity in 2 weeks.

2008-05-14T20:15:00.003-05:00

i have realized that this maymester business is insanity!!!! i feel like i'm working from behind all the time!! the material is very, very interesting, but there isn't enough time to learn all of it.

HELP!!!!

Happy Birthday Chato!!!!!

2008-05-08T21:02:00.003-05:00

today is my brother's birthday, but i don't have any way of calling him. he changed his phone number and he thinks it registered on my cellphone. unfortunately, my cellphone was dead when he called, so it didn't register. i do, however, want him to know that i love him and i hope he has a wonderful birthday and year.

chato,

te quiero mucho, espero que te la pases muy bien. llamame si tienes tiempo.

martita

when will it be over???

2008-05-07T22:26:00.004-05:00

i am finishing up my spring semester. i can't believe that it will be over tomorrow. what i really want to know is when it will ALL be over? God willing i will get my associate's degree in august. after that, all bets are off. i don't know where to go full steam ahead and try to finish as soon as possible. OR do i take it easy, enjoy my daughters while they are still small and take 2 or 3 classes. all i know is that these past few weeks have been hard on them, my husband, my house, and myself. i have been working feverishly on my computer and shooing them away at the same time. i felt like a terrible mother when they would come ask me questions, and i would just shush them away. once again, my favorite question: what to do? what to do?

++++++++++

stc is so much different than del mar. i have never been exempted from taking a final exam. but, lo and behold, i didn't have to take a final for one of my courses at stc. i don't know if that is against policy or what, but either way it was a welcomed break.

+++++++++

i am taking a sociology course online. YIKES!! it is a maymester course. this is my first maymester course and it is promising to be fast and furious. i have a project due next thursday. so i should stop blogging and get to work! :)

oh! i almost forgot. i have started reading "El Amor En Los Tiempos de Colera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. it is taking me about a day to read ONE page because of the spanish words that are unfamiliar to me. for example, atiborrado, remora, asiduos, pliegos, pesadumbre and many, many more. i will let you all know how it goes.

another spanish word i learned from my neighbor tonight: fayuca. roughly translated i think it means something like a knockoff. if i were to use it in a sentence, i would say, "Mi bolsa de mano LV no es una fayuca".

2008-04-20T23:35:00.002-05:00

it is 11:36 p.m. the last few minutes of sunday april 20. i have so many things to do, but i don't want to do any of them.

*iron my husband's uniforms (you'd think i'd send them to the cleaners, right?)
*work on an essay for world lit (it is due next sunday)
*work on my research paper for biology (it is due the week after this coming week)
*study for my biology quizzes (i will take them on tuesday)
*while studying for my bio quizzes, i should study for my major exam (it's on thursday)

siento una inquietud muy grande, no se que hacer primero. mi casa esta al reves!! no se cuando estar en orden; por ahora esta en desorden.

i also want to exercise and eat right; at least until after may 2nd. i think on may 3rd, i will have whatever i want.

i went to a wedding tonight. it brought back memories of my wedding. i can still remember running around like an idiot. doesn't everybody, though?

i am off to iron, good night.

what i haven't learned/what i don't know

2008-03-25T23:21:00.004-05:00

i'm still here, in case anyone was wondering :)

i've been trying to get through this semester. last spring i wrote some blogs during the semester titled: what i l've learned/what i know. this semester is the polar opposite! i don't feel like i'm learning a lick of biology, psychology, or art appreciation; although i have to admit that my art appreciation class is more interesting than the others.

so here is what i DON'T know:

biology: i still don't understand covalent bonds, or ionic bonds, or any type of bond for that matter. my last major exam felt like i a mental massacre. i was so LOST!!!! and here is the kicker, I actually studied for the exam. i read and re-read the chapter. but my friends, there is a huge difference between reading and reading comprehension (of which, i have ZERO when it comes to biology).

psychology: my husband told me i would like psyc, but it turns out i'm not that into it! yes, it is fascinating, but i think my own petty problems don't allow me to focus on the science.

art appreciation: i didn't realize there were so many elements involved in art. i will write about them later, because my next subject is beckoning me.

world literature ii: ah, yes! always the english major, i don't think i can go a semester without taking an english class. i really enjoyed reading "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight," again. i had read it when i took british lit., but i really picked up on the details this time around. but, my concern/homework right now is dante and his inferno. i must read about 20 pages tonight, so i'm off.

what i don't know: i don't know if i will graduate in august like i want. i have childcare issues, remedial issues, and not to mention my non-interest issues that come with biology and math. ;)

nevertheless, i guess we shall find out in august, huh?

the best of times

2008-02-04T08:34:00.000-06:00

i don't know if i will ever get over the sense of loss i feel since leaving corpus christi. i know, i know, i should save the drama for my mama. but, i do feel so, so sad; and i still can't get over it. it has been about six months now, and i still at times feel miserable. what is weird about this is that i am doing better here. i have actually lost some weight and have been exercising a whole lot more. so what is the big deal? maybe if i list all the things i miss about corpus christi, i will finally understand why i miss it so much.

i miss my daughter's school. i think it is an AWESOME school! i still visit their website, just to mope, i guess. my oldest daughter had an awesome kindergarten teacher, and i had really hoped for my little to be in her class this year. it didn't work out that way.

i miss del mar college. my husband tells me that a community college is a community college. I DON'T HAPPEN TO AGREE! i have had excellent professors and help along the way.

i miss my favorite muffin.

i miss driving down ocean drive and seeing the beautiful ocean.

i miss seeing my daughters enjoying an afternoon play date with my neighbors kids.

i definitely miss the 24 hour walgreens being close to my house.

i miss my hairdresser. i haven't gotten a haircut since september, i think.

i miss friends from corpus christi.

i miss corpus christi christian fellowship. the church we attended, although being able to see Pastor Leavell's preaching online has been very nice. we have started going to a nice church here...

and for some reason, even though my little one would not be in preschool anymore, i miss her preschools. she went to two different ones and i really miss walking the halls of those schools. her teachers were great, as well.

i wish i could put my feelings into words. i know that i can't look forward until i stop looking back. i realize that it is perhaps detrimental to look back, but i was happy there! my family and i were happy there. and it isn't that we are unhappy here, but i just can't get used to living down here. i understand that life is not stationary, and that we need to keep growing. but my heart doesn't; my heart was full and content when i lived in corpus christi. nevertheless, i know that God will give me grace for this new chapter in my life. Amen.

updated fitness journal

2008-02-02T20:53:00.001-06:00

i know i haven't kept up my activity logs, but i have been exercising. i started school on the 17 of january and things have gotten even crazier than usual. first let me catch up:

january 16: jogged for 45 minutes (5 easy, 20 hard, 15 steady, 5 min hard). i'm sure i walked
afterwards.
january 19: jogged for 1 hour easy run.

january 23: jogged for 35 minutes.

january 25: jogged for 20:39 and walked for 10 minutes.

february 1: jogged for 10 minutes.

february 2: ran in a 10k. 1:03 (that is one hour and three minutes).

alright, let's hope i am back on track!

we will see what february brings.

Make the World Go Away

2008-01-17T16:14:00.000-06:00

these are my sentiments exactly. i had an awful start to spring 2008. if there was ever a time i would've like a do over, today is the day :(

i somehow managed to get out of my house on time. i dropped off my girls early and headed towards stc with plenty of time. nevertheless and much to my detriment, i began to worry about my iron at home, and whether or not i had unplugged it. so much to my own chagrin, i had to drive right past the campus and all of the nice empty parking spots and head home once more to check on the iron. when i ran inside, i saw my rowenta's red blinking light. ah-hah! yes, the house could have (God forbid) burned down. so i quickly unplugged it and ran to the bathroom to check on my rollers; all clear in the bathroom and headed back to school.

but that was not the worst part of my day. i got to my classes on time because i parked off campus. stc's parking situation is worse than del mar, believe it or not. after a not so enthusiastic day of meeting my new professors, i headed back across the street to my car. Only to find a PARKING TICKET!!!!!!! courtesy of the City of McAllen. now to be honest with you all, i felt like cursing like a sailor, but i have realized that cursing is degrading. so, i cried. boo-hoo, poor pathetic me. $35.00 for my ignorance, it is true that ignorance does not pay, it actually costs fools like me money.

oh well, what can i do now?

activity log 4

2008-01-16T11:55:00.001-06:00

in a nutshell,

january 9: steady jog for 32 minutes, walked for 10 min.

january 11: jogged intervals for 50 minutes as follows:
10 Easy
10 Steady
10 Easy
10 Steady
10 Easys
i also walked for 10 minutes for a total of 1 hour of exercise.

january 14: jogged with my husband for 24 minutes. {VERY LIGHT DAY}

Academic Resolutions for the New Year

2008-01-15T10:12:00.000-06:00

school is about to start, and like always, i'm nervous. i don't know what stc will bring. i signed up for biology, art appreciation, and psychology. i am also taking my remedial math through del mar. my anxiety level has already gone up because i could not find the math textbook here in the valley. therefore, i had to order it online and you know how that goes. will it be the right one? will i get all the cds i need, the student i.d., etc.

nevertheless, i persevere. here are my academic resolutions for the new school year.
i must say that i am not at all enthusiastic about my course load this semester. i ran out of literature courses to take (until i get to the university) and now only need my core requirements.

1. try to enjoy my classes!
2. do not procrastinate! use my planner to stay organized*
3. i will be ecstatic if i receive a B in math.
4. begin applying for scholarships for the fall semester.

*this statement might seem odd. but i have found that when i use my planner, not only do i manage my assignments better, i'm less stressed out. i used it a lot last spring while i was taking four classes (i know that seems like very little for some college students, but when you have a household of four to run, it's alot.) and did well. i remember that during the month of april, i had major assignments due almost every day.

other resolutions i have are as follows:

1. finish reading "Founding Brothers" by Joseph Ellis this month. (i've been reading it since this
summer!)
2. after i finish the aforementioned, i would like to read a book on Thomas Jefferson. that way i
can work on my other lofty goal of reading a book on every president; TJ is next on my list.
let's see that would leave me only forty more presidents to go, easy as pie, remember?
3. i have read two out of the ten plays in the book, "Ten Greek Plays in Contemporary
Translations." i have read "Agamemnon" and "Oedipus Rex." i would like to read the
remaining eight plays this year.

i think i have enough to get me started, what do you think?

Activity Log 3

2008-01-09T10:34:00.000-06:00

alright, so i did not burn up the road this past week, but i did get out there.

January 1:

i'm excited for the new year!!! i jogged for 34.18.53 walked for 8.59.19.

January 4:

i jogged for 45.01.31, i'm sure i walked for at least 5 minutes.

January 7:

my long run today. i jogged for 1.15.30; walked for at least 8 minutes.

that's all folks!

by the way, HAVE A HAPPY AND BLESSED NEW YEAR!!

Week 2 Activity Log

2007-12-31T13:42:00.000-06:00

o.k., so once again i did not keep my deadline, but i have been exercising. so here is my activity log for the week of December 20-December 27. I realize today is the 31st and i did run today, but i'm trying to keep my weeks straight; although i could finish out the year, right? so then i will go ahead and post today's running time, as well.

Thursday, December 20:
Jogged for 52 minutes. The first 5 minutes were an easy run. the following 30 minutes were what is called fartlek (which is varying speeds and terrain, at least how i understand it.) and i finished off my run with 15 minutes easy run.

Sunday, December 23:
Jogged for 1:17 minutes. the running book called for 75 minutes. i added the two minutes because i lost them trying to get my daughter (who rides her bike while i run) back on her bike after she took a spill.

Tuesday, December 25:
Christmas Day
Jogged for 23 minutes. The book called for a "light run." i walked, however, for about 7 minutes to try and make a half-hour at least.

Wednesday, December 26:
i did Denise Austen's Pilates DVD for 45 minutes.

Thursday, December 27:
Ran intervals, NOT FUN AT ALL!!!!!
5 minutes easy
10 minutes hard
5 easy
5 hard
5 easy
5 hard
5 easy
i do not like intervals, not in a box, with a fox....
i do not like them Sam, I am.

Sunday, December 30:
i fell of the proverbial wagon. i ate pizza what seemed like all day, drank cokes, and had brownies at night while reading my book. it was a rotten day all around. i think it started off wrong when we woke up too late to go to church. i didn't get to go for my sunday run :(

Monday, December 31:
Jogged for 62 minutes. again, i added the two minutes because i was stopped by a caravan of travelers wanting directions to the international bridge that would take them to reynosa, mexico. i gave them what i thought (and they turned out to be right) was the way to go. my husband says i steered them in the right direction, thank God or else those poor, weary travelers would still be lost and cursing me to be sure.

my beloved's voice

2007-12-22T13:33:00.000-06:00

for anyone interested in hearing what my husband sounds like. these are two email messages he sent me:

M,

You need to stop whining about math and get it done! Your running log is GREAT! Although you interject more whining. You need to think about ALL the positive benefits that your running has, not only you, but the girls as well. So quit whining, keep the "warrior spirit," and get yourself out there!!!!

F.

and yet another email on dental insurance information:

M,
You may want to look into this but then again, it has nothing to do with school or running, so it probably is not important to you.

I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist, I had to throw that barb in.

I love you!!!

F.

activity logs: the continuum

2007-12-19T07:59:00.001-06:00

i am going to start posting my activity logs in an effort to keep doing them. the activity logs were weekly assignments for my kine class this past semester. i think they started in september and ran through december 5th. while doing these activity logs, i lost about 10 lbs.; hence my desire to keep them going. my first post will cover from december 6 until present. after this post, i hope to post weekly.

so...
READY?
SET?
GO!!!!!!

Thursday, December 6:
Jogged for 40 minutes. (i didn't write down how much i walked, but i'm sure i walked at least 5. i will usually walk about 5 minutes after every run, so i don't think i will include my walking minutes.)

Saturday, December 8:
Denise Austen Pilates DVD for 45 minutes.

Sunday, December 9:
Jogged for 50:15 (should i even include my 15 seconds? perhaps i should just round down.)

Monday, December 10:
Jogged for 37:47 (mondays are suppose to be my "easy runs," although they don't feel easy at all! :)

Tuesday and Wednesday, December 11 &12: OFF FOR WORLD LIT FINAL ON TUESDAY AND MUCH NEEDED REST ON WEDNESDAY!!

Thursday, December 13:
Jogged for 42:17 (i got off the written running schedule, but i've decided i'm not going to worry about that because if i do i will probably scrap my whole routine.)

Sunday, December 16:
I jogged for 1:01 (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, i actually jogged for a whole hour!! i can't believe it myself!)

Monday, December 17: OFF. this is the day that i bombed my math exam, thus i was defeated thoroughly and could not get myself to do any type/form of exercise.

Tuesday, December 18:
Jogged for 35.17 and walked for 7 minutes.

so there you have it, my first activity log entry. something i learned from my kine class is to set short term goals. i would like to run a 10k in january, but the weekend of the race is not a good time for me. therefore, i think i might have to 10-3 that goal. i'm hoping to find another race that i can do around that time, or maybe i'll just have to wait for february.

on another note, my knees have started to bother me. i hope that it is only because i need new tennis shoes and not because i need to stop jogging. :(

Number Non-Sense

2007-12-17T12:17:00.000-06:00

well, i tried to test out of a remedial math course, but failed miserably. my brain is just not wired that way. *sigh* so, i will be taking math 0373 (i think) with mr. david online next semester. i'm tempted to write, "what a waste of money and time!" but, i hope that by next may i will have a new attitude on math. i graduated from high school over 15 years ago...i don't remember a thing!! what else can i do but take the remedial course?

Come on get Happy!!!

2007-12-11T23:55:00.000-06:00

it is 11:56 p.m., i should be heading off to sleep, BUT, i just sent off my last assignment for this semester. yes sirree!! fall 2007 is unofficially "in the books!" i say unofficially because i have not received my grades, yet. my world literature class still has me worried, but what can i do about it other than worry? i'm already doing that :)

well good night folks! tomorrow is the first day of my break. i should be awake to enjoy it, don't you think? the good news is that i only have about three more years of grueling semesters to go! doesn't that sound encouraging?

1/2 Week Left

2007-12-01T20:06:00.000-06:00

o.k., since i am so freaked out about finishing this semester, i think it will be a good idea if i keep jotting down what i need to do. but first an update on last week's assignments:

1. i managed to finish my reading on the Aeneid. and i scrambled to get my chat groups assignment turned in. although it was not my turn to submit the assignment, i somehow
managed to get it tossed on my lap (i think being just to dumb to say no is my problem!).
it was funny the way it happened. one girl said she it wasn't her turn and the other one
said she couldn't do it. that simple. i thought, "o.k., so you two won't do it. there are three
in this chat group, so that just leaves the FOOL (me), right? or am i missing someone?
2. i took my COSC exam and did well. i figured out that we, like most computers, have
temporary memory. i don't think i actually retained everything i read, but i did pass. :)
3. i submitted all my assignments for my kine class.

i'm beginning to see a sliver of light at the end of this tunnel. hopefully i won't get hit by a
Mack truck before i get out of it!

now what i have to do this week:

1. turn in my adobe photoshop final project. i have one question? why pictures? i think i would
have rather done an essay or research paper than try to figure out adobe photoshop.
2. even though we only have 1/2 week left in the semester, my world lit professor has
introduced Ovid's "The Metamorphoses." call me an old-fashioned student, but i think the
last five days of class is not the most appropriate time to start a new reading. HOWEVER,
i must confess, i have found the book very, very interesting. i guess it is one of those things that you just have to read in a world literature class. i have an assignment due on tuesday, a MAJOR assignment. (so i really shouldn't be blogging, right?) i think blogging (for me, anyway) is a release of stress because i write down my current dilemmas; however pitiful they might be.

until next time, ovid is calling me.

one and a half weeks

2007-11-27T08:31:00.000-06:00

time is running out for fall 2007. i have to do several things today.

1. finish my reading for the aeneid. it is actually quite interesting. i am right before aeneas'
wedding to dido. i think she commits suicide shortly after. (marriage was suicide, huh? ;)
2. i need to read two chapters for my cosc. i have a unit test tomorrow. i will finish reading
the third chapter tomorrow. of course, i had three weeks to read three chapters, but did i
read one? NO!!! why do today what you will have to do tomorrow, right?
3. begin working on my quote collection for world literature. YIKES!!!!! i have a good idea on
the quotes i'm going to use; i just need to get started. del dicho al hecho hay mucho
trecho!! :)
4. start on my adobephoto shop final project for cosc.

i have a lot more to do, but i guess i can get started with this.

we will see what happens.

almost done!!

2007-11-16T08:41:00.000-06:00

i have not blogged for awhile. i don't think it is for a lack of interest, it is for a lack of time. i am trying to wrap up my fall semester. i think we have about four weeks left. i can't wait to finish. although i must say, one of my classes has me worried. i think that is what i want to write about today: my online world literature class.

o.k., so as an english major, i'm suppose to take (must take) world literature. i should have taken it in the summer, but i didn't. so here i am taking it online now. we have read The Iliad, Trojan Women, Agamemnon and now we are reading The Aeneid. all very interesting reading. that is not my problem. my problem is that i have not received a single grade for this class. i don't know if i'm passing or falling, or WHAT???? no one in the class has received a grade. it is so frustrating because not only do i not control my grade, i don't even know what it is. what to do? the one major essay i turned in, could have been a little better, i think. but, i took my daughters to corpus christi that weekend for a birthday party. i don't regret it because it felt so good to be back in corpus christi. but, i do wish i knew what my grade is. and this brings me to my next point. why am i even doing this at my age? i'm in my mid thirties worried about whether i get an a or b? oh well, i really need to vent.

what i have learned/what i know:

in cosc: i have learned how to use power point and insert images and music files. i had to type up a resume for one lab. that was difficult since i have not had a "job" for the last nine years.

in kine: oh my goodness, i have learned about obesity, cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases. i'll tell you what, all that stuff is scary!

in world lit: I WANT MY GRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what i know:

this semester has been a shot in the dark. i don't know how i will come out of it. i guess i can only wait.

where i am write now!!

2007-10-10T22:34:00.000-05:00

i am suppose to be writing my first major essay for my world literature class. but, i can't seem to get my mind into essay writing mode. i would rather blog ;) i haven't blogged in a long, long, time. but, i find that it helps make the semester go by quicker. why? i think because i can see it progress week by week.

i think there are about nine weeks left in this semester. nine agonizing weeks. (but, hey, it is better than nine months, right?)

this semester i am taking kine, cosc, and world lit. ALL ONLINE!!!!! i had never taken one online course, much less three. let me tell you, i am really just trying to keep my head above water. if you ask me, i think it is a lot more work online than on campus. i have weekly assignments, which i didn't have in an on campus course. boo hoo!!

oh well, here we go:

what i've learned:
(since this is a make-up post, i will catch up since august.)

in cosc: i have learned a lot of keyboard shortcuts using the control key. we are working on spreadsheets right now.

in kine: i have to exercise at least three times a week for 30 minutes. so far so good. i have also learned about muscular endurance versus muscular strength and many other things.

in world lit: we just finished reading the Iliad. it was a long, long book. i'm glad i'm finally learning/reading the greek classic.

i am actually suppose to be writing my essay on that right now. i need to be able to send it to mike lapointe, the online tutuor by tomorrow. it's going to be a long nights journey.

i'll let you all know how it goes.....

what i know:

my life has totally changed from last semester. i'm not even in corpus christi anymore. i miss it something awful. i miss del mar (which my husband can't understand). i really miss my old life in corpus christi. i miss my friend and neighbor and her kids.

life in the rio grande valley is not that grand, let me tell you. i feel like an outsider who is very unwelcome. i have been given the third degree at my daughters' school. i have culture shock. it seems strange, but even though i am a mexican-american, i don't feel like i fit in here in the valley.

my sister, my hero!

2007-07-20T23:50:00.000-05:00

i am blessed with a big family. (i wonder, sometimes, or rather think of how having siblings changes who you become as an individual. but, i am beginning to wander off my point.) i have three handsome brothers and one beautiful sister. she has left the states to go serve our country. i'm so apprehensive about it, but all i can do is trust Jesus. i know that i can't do anything but pray.

dear Jesus,

please keep my sister safe wherever she may be and bring her safely back to me.

Amen.

i love you sally, take good care of yourself!

i will not get angry!!

2007-06-05T23:39:00.001-05:00

i have found those words so interesting! i read them in Mike Wallace's book, "Between You and Me." the interview where the words come from is both extremely interesting and amusing. but, most importantly, i have adopted them as my new motto. "i will not get angry!"

i have a lot on my plate right now. (i know, i know, drama queen all over again!) the truth is i'm in transition. and today as i was scurrying along trying to do all of the things that i needed to do, those words kept ringing in my ear. however, we will see how true they become.

i have started my summer reading. i went to the library and checked out three books: Between You and Me by Mike Wallace, Night by Elie Wiesel, and His Excellency by Joseph Ellis (the latter i have checked out several times and never finished it!) i really want to get something out of this summer, since i did not take a summer college course.

that said, i would like to give a sort of personal and unofficial review of wallace's book:

it is fascinating! some of the interviews are truly historical, i.e. Martin Luther King, Jr., former Presidents and First Ladies, etc. some of them are very informative in areas such as the middle east and u.s. history. and yet some of the interviews are purely entertaining and funny.

my next book will be "Night." i want to read it, but i don't know if i will have the stomach for it.

"His Excellency" is a good book, but i haven't restarted it because i don't remember exactly where i left off. my informal goal is to read a book on each president. i've read the book "John Adams," so that only leaves 42 more to go. easy as pie, don't you think?

try and try again!

2007-05-08T16:01:00.001-05:00

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Continua
Done with six!Well, week six has come and gone. I'm grateful for it being over. As I write, I have a mild headache. My girlies are off tomorrow, so we can all sleep in just a little late. This week was a mixed bag. I didn't get any grades back (that can be a good thing sometimes!), but I feel so behind. I did manage to get a working rough draft on my government research paper. Hooray for me!! (I think I can, I think I can...)

O.K. so lets have it out:

In government: Class was cancelled on Monday. Instead I worked on a literature paper. On Wednesday, we turned in an elected leaders list. I don't know how I did on that, but I tried my best.

In Western Civilization: We learned about the powerful families that ran the Italian city-states, like Venice, Florence, and the Papal States. Some were the Medicis, Sforzas, etc. I asked my professor if these families were like the mob. I think the question caught him off guard. He thought about it and said, "Yeah, but they were legal." A legal mob? I've never heard of such a thing!

In Writing about Literature: On the in-class essay, I think I got a good grade. We didn't get out papers back, so I don't know what were my mistakes. But, I do know that I want to learn from them. I keep trying to learn about commas; somehow I still don't get them. I watched for the second time the Emily Dickinson film for the English Department. Dickinson is very complex and challenging. I like some of her poetry, I just don't understand her life. What did it stand for? Did it stand for being alone? Isolated? I understand that she liked to write her poetry and was a genius. But, other than that, I don't think we should live and die for ourselves. I think we should live for others (God and family).

History: We studied the "New Deal." And my assessment is that the New Deal was a big deal and still is today. The government stepped in, took control of the situation and never looked back. Was it necessary? Absolutely. Did it make us more dependent on government? Definitely. Can we go back and change it? Never.

What I know:I know that I'm semi-stressed. I say semi because I'm almost done with one research paper. I just need to polish it. The other one? Dear Lord Jesus help me!! The rough draft is due on Wednesday and I haven't even begun to write. Sounds like Patrick Henry, huh? I know I can get it done, but it will take hard work over the weekend. I have online discussions to write and western civilization study sheets to prepare.

I know that I am who I am because of Jesus. Not only did he make me, but he blessed me with what I have today. My struggles are His struggles. I don't struggle alone. I sincerely believe that he has called me according to His purposes. My husband, my girls, my family, and my life are gifts from Him. I don't question God because I think it would be wrong to question Him. I don't question God because I know that He is right. Sometimes I see professors or others trying to fit God into their intellect. As if God could fit in such a tiny space! What I do know is that the peace of God surpasses all understanding. And that my friends is the peace that I need.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Week in Review

i'm so glad this week is over, but i still have six more to go. i count finals week because i won't be done until after that week. so, unlucky number six. sscarrryy! i'm hoping it will be a good week. even though, my daughter has an appointment this afternoon because her throat is hurting. i'm hoping it is nothing serious.

let's see, what happened this week at del mar?

in government: the whole class pretty much bombed a test! my professor gave everyone a 14 point curve. if you ask me, it's pretty stupid. the test made absolutely no sense to any of us. and there were so many angry students afterwards that some walked out. the problem with the test was that it had a lot of trick questions. so then, it becomes not a test on what you know, but a test on finding out trick questions. for example, the one everyone got wrong: to be president a person must be 35 years old, born in the united states, and reside in the u.s.a. for 14 years. true or false? well, he got us on the technicality, 35 years old. a person must be at least 35 years old. so the answer is false. most people had true. the professor apologized for the test and so hopefully it will be better next time.

in western civilization: we learned about the bubonic plague, the 100 years war, the crusades, and many other things. life was miserable to say the least in that time period. oh, but a funny story i want to write about. we learned that when any thing went drastically wrong, the common theme was to find someone else to blame; usually it fell to a specific people, who were terrorized through pogroms and persecution. well, the whole class thought it unfair to blame others. but, the next thing i know is while i'm walking to the library, i suddenly begin to wonder where my not-so-cheap sunglasses went? i remember wearing them and then sliding them over my hair. but, what did i do with them afterwards? then i start retracing my steps. "hmm, when the young custodian asked me if he could throw away my empty salad tray, he must have taken them at that point," i thought. i was sure he had stolen my sunglasses! well, much to my humble pie suprise, i had left them at the speech office. we have not progressed one iota.

in writing about literature: we are wrapping up our poetry unit. on tuesday, one of the groups presented edgar allan poe. extremely weird and interesting poet. but, upon further inspection of the author, i think he would fit in nicely in present day america. every "artist" has an addiction, personality issues and what they would deem mental anguish.i took an in-class exam today in literature. goodness, me! i get in a high speed wobble and panic. but, other than a complete mess that i made with a soda, all over my papers, my ring, and my lucky watch that my husband gave me. i think i did fine. i stayed after class for about five minutes to finish and was in my second class by 11:01 a.m. my mistake was that if the professor asked for 2-3 elements, i should have gone with 2, and not 3. but, i think that it makes for a stronger paper. i will see how strong next week.

in history II: i took a test on tuesday and did well. i enjoy history, so it pretty much comes, maybe not easy, but with some sense of fulfillment. does that make any sense? i like to learn about u.s. history and most of the novels i read are historical dramas. the semester i took off, i read 1776, John Adams, From Beirut to Jerusalem and several others. sooner or later, i will have to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, i should be a history major and not an english major. but hey, David McCullough is an english major. there must be some relation there between history and english. one of my english professors had a minor in history.we are learning about the "Great Depression." our professor said that it was called great, not because it was good, but because it was so massive and encompassing. my overall feeling or understanding of the depression is that no one was paying attention to the underlying economic factors that had been taking place for years. i know today we get what we think is useless information. the unemployment rate, the housing market slowing, and consumer debt, but very few people (including myself) realize why those figures are tallied and their importance.

what i know:i had a red diamond (not blood diamond), after i spilled my red soda all over my desk.i've bought into the anti-aging propaganda. i bought a little cream that promises to make my "future perfect." doesn't that sound promising?

life comes at you hard and fast. get plenty of rest!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Research Papers, Yuk!!

i have two research papers to write and absolutely no desire to write them! desire is definitely lacking, but also the confidence i need to write them. as you can tell from the blog, i don't have a problem with writing (other than with commas!). what i mean is that i'm not afraid to write for literature or history. but "RESEARCH PAPER" sounds deadly to me. i was talking to one of my professors yesterday and he suggested that i look at it as a writing assignment. that sounds easier, right? yes, but i don't have a prompt. i'm crippled without a prompt. the sad truth, my friends, is that i need to be told what to do. Yes, i know that sounds pathetic, but that is the cold hard truth. left to my own devices, i usually don't do anything! weight loss? forget it. housework? just barely. jogging? i can't get started. the funny thing is that when i told my husband that i needed someone to tell me what to do, he replied in a stern voice, "I'll tell you what to do!" which is somehow funny and not funny coming from him.

back to the research papers. i read two women's blogs, one has received her doctoral degree and the other one is just about to receive it. i'm inspired by their achievements. i'm amazed by the sheer enormity of their feat. i would like to get a master's degree. somehow being afraid of research papers doesn't fit into that goal, huh? i will get through this, just like i got through writing my short story and writing my two original poems. i just need to believe in myself. which right about now, i can't seem to. :(i will let you all know...

posted by Patricia

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

what i learned/what i know 3/5-3/17there are so many things that i have learned; i'm excited about all of them. what an absolute nerd, right? i think because i'm in my umm, umm, thirties, i truly appreciate learning all these interesting things. which is sad because i'm the non-traditional college student and i feel like an old woman in my classes. i grieve for the lost time after high school that i didn't take advantage of and i feel overwhelmed with regret sometimes. but, i shake it off and thank God for the opportunity of today. (that is an entirely different post: the opportunity of today!)

o.k, so what i've learned:in government: i learned about how weak our texas governor is compared to other chief executives. i think that it's important to know because i'm a texan, and therefore should know how the government is run. another interesting thing is about all the boards and commissions in the state of texas. some are elected, ex officio and others are appointed by the governor. thus, when i read in the newspaper about all of the governor appointed members of the texas youth commission resigning, i once again felt educated on the article. i guess what i mean is that i'm rising above my previous ignorance. thank you, Jesus, thank you del mar.

in western civilization: i had a test and i did well. i was careful to answer all of the questions. my professor believes in essays and does not believe in multiple choice. i guess that is good because you have to know the material; but it's also harder. i had an essay question on the crisis of rome. i was able to regurgitate all of the main points. what is interesting about the roman crisis is that the all of their problems added up to their downfall. it wasn't one major blow, but a series of things. their borders being under constant attack, their currency devaluated, they had a trade deficit with the far east, their welfare system was a huge cost to the government. hmm, does that sound familiar?

in writing about literature: i have a great group! my professor set us up into groups at the beginning of the semester. at first i thought, "now wait just a minute, i'm not sure about this group thing" i remembered the little girl in ya-ya sisterhood movie, when young vivi takes out a knife so they can become the ya-ya's. i was mistaken, and we have done well. i think we all do our share of the work and work well together. we had a poetry presentation. alberto rios was one of our selections. he is a great writer and poet.

in history: i laughed out loud when my professor was explaining the end of wwi, armistice day. november 11, 1918 at 11:00 a.m. he then said, "you know what that means, nobody won, they just stopped fighting." at which point i let out a big laugh, and he turns to look at me as if saying, "is this funny to you?" so, i thought i should explain why i laughed. i said, "that sounds like my husband and i, we just stop fighting. nobody wins but we are tired of fighting so we just stop." and he says, "oh yeah, marriage is like that." even in war, there comes a time when you just have to stop fighting because it is clear that no one is going to win.

what i know: i'm still here. i'm trying to keep my chin up and get the job done. i enjoy going to school and learning. what is hard is trying to keep two little girls fed, clothed, clean, and entertained when i have two research papers looming. its hard to think of two research papers when i have clothes to wash, dinner to get started, and dishes to wash. so, it is housework versus homework. don't get me started. there is very little time left. after tomorrow it will be six weeks. i can't wait. i can't wait for this low-pitch nervous feeling in my stomach to go away.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Spring Break

well, i have been able to sleep in late, you would think that i'd be happy about that, right? i'm still feeling somewhat depressed and bummed out because i have not done what i've needed to do. the truth is that left to my own devices, i usually don't do anything. that has been the case this week. i have done two government outlines that i needed to do, read my history assignment for tuesday, but other than that, i haven't done much. i have two research papers to write that are due the 23rd and 26th of april. have i even bothered to start on them? NO! are you kidding me? i usually wait to the last minute and give myself about three or four heart attacks. really. i need a college coach. someone that will take me by the hand and say, "now little patricia, you must sit down and write. or else the big bad grade is going to get you." of course, the idea of a college coach is ridiculous! what i need is to grow up and get the job done. but, there are so many other things i want to doooo! nonetheless, i know deep down in my heart that what i really, really want to do is to earn a college degree and expand my intellect. i know that seems so corny, but i want to be well educated. that is one thing that i admire greatly. not so much celebrities, rich or famous people, but a smart and educated person, i think is to be greatly admired. that desire is what keeps me going. i have a very long way to go, but hopefully i will get there someday. so, i'm off to see the wonderful wizard of research papers! say a prayer for me!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

this week

well, i'm not as enthusiastic as i was last week. this week snailed along and its still dragging. i have been so out of focus. i think its because i have spring break on my mind. not that its going to be exciting, but because its not. i get to sleep in late, and clean my house. hooray! plus, i need to work on two of my research papers that are due in April. fun, fun, fun!

lets see, what did i learn this week?

government: the president can fire his cabinet members/directors at will. talk about job security...

western civilization: most civilizations, like the Greeks or the Romans, prospered under good rulers. Duh? i know that sounds stupid, but the problem was always with the successors to these good rulers. if it was by bloodline, well then, junior would be a complete imbecile or just plain insane and murderous. if the ruler did not have an immediate family member, then a struggle for power would ensue and it wasn't pretty. i guess what i mean is that power is intoxicating for some, which are the awful rulers, but others can harness it and do good. what would you do with power?

writing about literature: we are in the middle of a poetry section. (excuse me while i roll my eyes!) i like poetry, i just don't understand most of it. for example, sylvia plath, what was it with those blackberries? i have no idea. the worst part, is that i have to write two original poems. talk about being out of my element. i realize that poetry is a huge part of literature, but its a stretch for me. i'm not poetic at all.

history: my professor recommended the books, "The Guns of August," which i checked out and is very interesting. in the author's notes in the front of the book, she talks about how she had the idea for the book and how a publisher called her with the same idea. she writes that she felt kind of upset that some else had "her idea." i understand because sometimes we think that only we can "own" an idea. i guess that originality is not that original, huh?

what i know:as this semester drags on, i'm beginning to care less and less. which is not a good thing. i'm tired. i find myself leaving later and later to go drop off my daughter before i go to school. hopefully, spring break will help. i need to regroup and gather my wits about me.i need to get jogging! i can jog two miles as of right now. which is actually good, since it have not been jogging for several months. i need to add at least two and a half miles to that, so i can be ready for beach to bay iv. but, i still have march, april and may. i hope i'm o.k.there is only eight weeks of school left! i started a countdown when there was ten weeks. what was the song from Casablanca? As time goes by or something like that? i need to get a copy and start playing it, i'm sure that is just what i need.NOT!!!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

what i learned/what i know

i've been thinking of a sort of weekly post titled, "what i learned/what i know" a la Oprah! of course, i'm learning many different things, but i guess what i mean is what is the most interesting.

so here it goes, what i learned this past week 2/11-2/17

:in gov. i found it interesting that we had studied just this past week about the Sunset Advisory Commission in Texas and i read about it in the newspaper on sunday. what it is, "a body that periodically evaluates most government agencies and departments." why do i even blog about it? i guess because for once i actually felt somewhat educated on the "political issue." knowledge is somewhat empowering.

in western civ., this is kind of ridiculous, i learned that the "patricians" were the nobility in Roman times. this is a completely self-serving tidbit because patricia is my middle name. if i remember correctly my first name, martha, means "lady." so if you put it together, "noble lady." stupid, yes, but very gratifying for some dumb reason.and another thing i learned in west. civ. is READ THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE TEST VERY CAREFULLY!!!! i completely either ignored, or forgot to answer a fifth i.d., and lost an automatic 8 points. completely stupid!!!!

in writing about lit. we read john steinbeck's chrysanthemums, what can i say? the man's a master. i'm trying to finish my short story (the one that is not short enough) and i'm almost done.

in history II: the settlement house movement was started by jane addams (hull house in chicago) when she was 20! some people (like me) say, "i can't do it!" others say, "watch me do it!" amazing!!tuesday's and thursdays are my favorite days because i love history and english. it does my soul good to learn.

so..., i've never thanked my husband in previous posts, but thanks for making it happen.

what i know:if i'm cranky, its because i haven't slept since school started.

if i'm tired, its because i haven't slept since school started.

if i'm getting more wrinkles, its because i haven't slept since school started.

do you see the emerging pattern in my sentence structure?

which by the way, i need serious help with commas, comma splices, etc.

which leads me to my last remark:there is still a lot of things, i don't know!

i can begin with commas.

running away from my worries

i need to run away! i use to run all the time, but now i don't. i have ran beach to bay every year since i moved to corpus christi (a small personal tradition). here we are in february and may is just around the corner. i haven't ran in MONTHS! it's been so long, i can't even remember the last time i ran. but run I MUST!!!i know that it helps my stress and definitely my weight. i just don't have time. these shorten daylight hours make for shorter evenings, which mean that by the time my hubby gets home, its dark. and i refuse to run in the dark. there might not be much to a full time mom, full time student, but i want to keep what i have safe. so, this is what i'm going to do. i'm going to get one of those cute little prospectus bars that olga has on her website to track my running progress. hopefully, that will motivate me.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Count your blessings, twice

a funny thing happened after my last post, my life got harder! hard to imagine, i know. but, my little girl got pink eye and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. i was bawling this morning in front of my four year old. and in truth, she started it. when i told her it was time to take her medicine she starts whining, "i don't want to take that ..." of course, all of my suppressed feelings and mental anguish that i'm under comes gushing out like a garden hose that has been knotted up and i lost it. "i have to go to schooool today," i start sobbing. "i don't have time for this, i have a test in western civilization (like she knows what that means) and i can't miss it. i'm late. i need to run by the post office this morning..." she just stared at me like what is going on? are you still the mommy or am I the mommy all of a sudden? Who is the child? that is how i started off my day!last friday, the nice people at her preschool were kind enough to send a flyer home informing the parents of the first case of pink eye. fortunately for me, it was in the four year old classroom. sunday, my husband keeps telling me that her eyes look glassy. i dismiss it as maybe a minor, maybe even minute cold. well, monday morning i'm trying to get everyone out the door by 7:30, because i have an appointment at the writing center (to beg for help with my short story). the first thing my four year old says, "that light is too bright." which is one of the symptoms of pink-eye according to the nice handout i received. and guess what happened next. I get her to wash her beautiful little round face and ...the corner of her eyes are the prettiest shade of pink i've ever seen! As super duper mom, i spring into action and freak out! what am i suppose to do? i suddenly realize that i can't take her to school, even though that is EXACTLY where she picked it up. i can't miss my western civilization class because i will have a test on wednesday. i try to call my babysitter and she's changed her cellphone number. I run around panicking and praying and hoping against all hope that my husband can come home. i call him, he agrees, and i lived, not only to fight another day, but also to write about it.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

biting off more than i can chew

i've realized that the inherent risk of biting off more than you can chew is CHOKING! Or better yet, DYING! which is what i'm doing right about now. i don't know what i was thinking signing up for four classes. Four classes? sure, I'm super duper mom! or is that super stupor mom? i gathered three of my syllabus and wrote down the test dates in my handy dandy pink planner. pink, i know, cute. and guess what? i have one test after another in those three classes. thankfully, they are one week apart, so I only have to worry about one test a week. Hooray!? should i be happy about that? i don't know. what i do know is that i still have my writing about lit class to worry about. Calgon, or anybody, or anything take me away...please. i keep repeating to myself like a mantra: february, march, april, and just a little bit of May. on the upside, february is a short month. i don't think i've ever cared about that, but now i do. i'm working on a short story for my lit class. unfortunately, it is not short enough. my professor wants ten pages. it should be easy for me to ramble for ten pages, but it's not. especially, if its for a grade. i'll let you know how it goes. Sandra Cisneros or Julia Alvarez, I'm not. all i can really say is that i'm learning. learning how to write, but more importantly how to write with meaning. and i desperately want to learn how to write like that.posted by Patricia 9:04 PM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Spring has Sprung! (Almost anyways!)

Well, today is Sunday and school starts on Tuesday. Is it me or does it seem odd or rather ominous that it is going to be bone cold on our first day back at school? It is almost like the weather is conspiring against us, and the winds of unfortunate change will begin to blow. Hmmm, perhaps my last sentence was a little dramatic and totally unfounded. Yet, I can't help but feel nervous and apprehensive about what this semester will bring. Four classes is a lot for me to fathom. I know what to expect in my history class because I have had this professor before for my first history. Western Civilization sounds promising because I would like to learn about it. I'm ignorant of pretty much all of it, so its a good thing I signed up, huh? Plus I heard the professor assigns essays, which I feel comfortable writing. In another course I took, the professor would ask for 14 lines of response on the test and I always typed about a page and a half, gabby I know. American Government II is with a different professor, but hopefully fair. I think that is what I would hope for: do the work and get the grade. Not, if I like you, you will do good. However, the big challenge for me will be Writing about Literature. That baby will need a different name, something that will invoke all of my hideous fears, doubts, and terrors. This class is either going to make me or break me as a writer. Therefore, I'm sure I will go to the Writing Center (which by the way I think everyone should go), email the online tutor and most definitely beg Laurie for help!So, what classes are you all taking? Hopefully, I can get some other moms in my classes to blog. That way I can have someone to chat with online about the class. Well, my dear blog reader, good luck with all of your endeavors this semester, whatever classes you take.Stay warm and I'll see you on Tuesday. I'll be the one wearing the Russian style hat, it kinda looks like Davy Crockett's. But, my mother gave it to me and by golly, I'm wearing it! I'm a South Texas girl and water runs through my veins; I'm sure it will be freezing.posted by Patricia 9:40 PM

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

So long Fall 2006!

As you might or might not know, there is only about two weeks left in the Fall 2006 semester. Time sure flies, (even when you are not having fun) and finals seem closer and scarier than I'd like to admit. Are you all ready for finals? I'm nervous about my government final because I'm suppose to remember things from several months ago. I can't remember things from this morning, much less a couple of months ago. My British literature exam will probably be a take home exam. Therefore, I will be in a mad hobble/wobble trying to write the weekend before it is due. I usually ask my husband to take the girls out, so I can work without being asked for juice, something to eat, or be referee in their arguments.

I realize I struggled all semester with my literature papers because I forgot that the writing process is very lengthy for me. I somehow thought that I could sit down and type out an "A" paper on my first run. In my first two English classes, I would have to turn in a rough draft and had peer review days. Well, I guess I'm suppose to be a more responsible and mature writer, but I think I need to be held by the hand. O.K. little Patricia, today you will do this, and tomorrow you will do that. Left to my own devices, I usually run around like a chicken without a head. I write all of this because guess what? I'm taking another literature class in the Spring and probably many, many more since I'm an English major. Therefore, I need to get the process down. I need the rough drafts, the writing center tutors, and definitely time for proofreading! Most of my mistakes were grammar or punctuation, very simple ones I could have caught had I proofread. For example, on one paper I wrote "with out." Huh? Duh? Everyone knows that it is "without." A mistake so simple and so stupid! Do you see why I need to proofread?Anyways, I've gone on my little tirade probably to long. I hope your final exams will be easy and done with soon. I know that's what I'm hoping for my exams!posted by Patricia 7:34 AM

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Spring 2007

Hi,Have you all registered for Spring 2007? I have and I'm taking the plunge and enrolling for 12 hours. I have only taken 6 hours up until now. But, I have finally realized that if I keep up that pace, I will never finish! So, here I go. Daycare is an issue. My youngest daughter is not in kinder, yet. However, we will see how it goes. God willing all of us in my little family will be alright. How many classes do you all take? I'm curious to see how other moms juggle school and family.On another note, have you all gone to see an advisor? I went last Monday and was suprised/saddened/upset to find out that two of my literature classes will not transfer to Texas A&M Corpus Christi. The literature classes they(A&M CC) want for an English Major are: World Literature and Writing about Literature. I have taken American Literature and currently taking British Literature. My point is that it is very important to see an advisor. I was only following the degree plan in the Del Mar catalog. I have come to find out that the degree plans in the catalog are "generic plans." Therefore, I encourage you to see an advisor to find out if the classes you are taking will transfer (if you are transferring) to the university you will be attending after Del Mar.Well, please feel free to post comments on this blog. Thanksposted by Patricia 6:22 AM

Friday, November 10, 2006

Calling all moms at Del Mar!

Hi,My name is Martha and I'm a student at Del Mar College in Corpus Christi, Texas. I have often thought of having a blog for Moms at Del Mar. I don't think there is one in the blogosphere. So, here I go!As a mom trying to get the kids and myself off to school, I know how hard it can be. Trying to do good at school, while also helping your kids do good in school can be tough on a mama; not to mention, working outside of the home. This blog is dedicated to all the moms at Del Mar. I would like to encourage and receive encouragement to continue studying. We should not lose focus of our families. However,we should also remember that we study for our families, and a better future for us and them. So, feel free to comment on college, kids school, kids, professors, working, working out (which I seldom do now) education plans, courses, whatever you need help with. If I can't offer an answer, at least I can hear or in this case read your question, and offer support.So let's begin to accomplish our goals together! Some will finish before me, I won't graduate from Del Mar until Spring 2008. But, until then, I will be here.Thanks for reading!posted by Patricia 7:11 PM

gee-whiz, lighten up!

2007-05-02T23:10:00.000-05:00

i was re-reading some of my post, and oh my goodness, such tragedy, such drama! i think i need to go back and delete some of my more dramatic end-of-the-world posts. drama, drama, drama. i'm really a light-hearted kind of girl, but as my blog shows, i tend to lean towards drama. i'll be alright, though.

That's a Wrap

2007-05-02T16:02:00.001-05:00

Today was the last day of classes for Spring 2007. I can't believe it!! I'm finished (sort of, I still have finals until Tuesday). My anxiety has not gone away. I have not received my research papers, although I did receive my one-act play and my poems. I did well with both.

But, I'm still nervous. Dear Lord Jesus, when will it be over? I have a total of four final exams; my first one is tomorrow, two on Monday, and one on Tuesday. History will be first, followed by government, western civilization and culminating in Writing about Lit.

I will let you all know how it goes.

my favorite part of the story...

the man looking nervously at her: you look so beautiful today...

the woman laughing embarrassingly: ...with my little girl sac a dos?

*****

such a beautiful gift; right in time for Valentine's day

esta semana

2007-04-28T23:37:00.000-05:00

this week was an uproar! i had so many things due, but thank God i got through all of them.
i have been so stressed out and bummed out. i was thinking that, maybe, i will feel better if i write about them.

why i'm bummed out:

i don't know what kind of grade i will end up with in government. i am usually a very good student, but my government class has fallen by the wayside. i've been so busy with my other three classes that i haven't paid attention to assignment due dates. all i know is that this torture will be over soon.

yet another source of anxiety is my lit. test i turned in on thursday. i usually have rough drafts for my professor to look over. but, i was so busy with everything else that i didn't have the rough draft and so we will see how it goes. also, i turned in my one-act play on thursday. i didn't get to ask mrs. s-- about periods inside the brackets. i know that if it is a complete sentence inside the brackets, it definitely needs a period. but, what about when its not? i don't know.

i presented my history project on thursday. that didn't go like i had planned. i don't know what grade i will get on that either.

i'm waiting for both of my research papers to be returned. i don't know if i will get them back on monday. i have to wait and see. i think that is what is killing me, this whole wait and see business.

my house is a mess, and i need to start cleaning it.
my weight is spiraling out of control, and i need to start maintaining it.
i still haven't figured out commas, but i'm trying.
i haven't kept the books, and i need to start keeping them.

i have insomnia because of so many things i have to worry about.

i can't wait for may 15, when i will know all that i need to know. (maybe not all, but at least how i did this semester.)

2007-04-25T00:35:00.000-05:00

The Storm is Calling Unto Me

There is a storm coming in as I write and its calling unto me. I want to hear the sound of the rushing and angry wind. My life reflects it. I have been in such a violent fit trying to finish off my semester. I have been under high-stress. I've had two research papers to finish up, a one-act play, a drama test, and a writing about history assignment all due this week! And, to top it all off, a history honors project presentation due on Thursday. I've tried the deep breaths, I've tried relaxation, and sleep. But, nothing, nothing can calm me down. Except, for the sound of the storm that I can hear through my chimney. I want to let loose like that storm. All of the clouds of anxiety and stress have gathered in my mind and soul. I would love for these forces to shake my body to its core and then be no more.

I'm anxious about what is left of this week; probably more so than what is left of my life. I can look ahead to happy years with my family. I just can't seem to look past this week with all of its fears. I often feel like I will inevitably fall flat on my face. Like I will not meet the deadline and then what? I think the stress comes because I don't see failure as an option. That is why I have this sinking feeling in my stomach when I get so close to the deadlines.

I take my leave, so that I may go hear my symphony of nature.